“I love you, too,” I whispered, feeling tears well in my eyes. I hated talking about my past, but we both knew it affected everything I did then. Being cheated on after an eight-year relationship causes everything you thought you knew to go to shreds. I’d only recently begun to accept myself again. Ben coming along a year ago, Ben loving me like he had… It saved me. He saved me. Gray was our surprise, but Ben hadn’t run away. He’d loved me through all of it. Married me. Fallen for me despite my growing belly and flaws. I felt more foolish than ever. Of course he wasn’t cheating. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, sweetheart. Just trust me, okay? I have no reason to cheat. You’re perfect.” He kissed my forehead, then lifted my chin to meet my lips. I kissed him back, the ice in my intestines warming quickly. We still weren’t cleared to have sex yet, which only made this torture. He lifted his hands up to my neck, drawing out our kiss. When we broke apart, he rested his forehead on mine for another second. “I love you.”
“I love you,” I told him.
“Now, what do you say the three of us get to bed?” he asked, breaking away with a yawn and a laugh. I stood in agreement, yawning as well and following him toward the bedroom.
I loved Ben. I trusted Ben. But I couldn’t deny the nagging feeling that reminded me I’d trusted and been burned before.
Chapter Six
The next morning, I walked out the front door with a few less tears than the day before. I’d chosen a dark, patterned shirt to prevent any leaks showing. I was more prepared, ready to deal with whatever came my way. Or, so I thought.
I crossed the street and climbed into my car, glancing up at the window of our apartment. The curtain moved, like maybe they were going to wave goodbye, but no one was there. The pit in my stomach was back. Had he been watching to see me leave?
I didn’t want to be weighed down by all that had happened to me. I didn’t want to be fearful in every relationship I was in, but I had to deal with the feelings I was having. I had to prove to myself Ben wasn’t cheating—wasn’t going to cheat. I had to trust him, but I had to make myself believe I could.
Still, I pulled away from the apartment building, but rather than turning left to head to work, I went up a street further and made a U-turn. I pulled into the parking lot of another apartment building, parking in a visitor’s parking space. I texted Cumberland, letting him know I might be a little late. I had no idea how long I needed to sit and wait, how long I’d even be allowed to sit and wait. Until the lump in my throat disappeared, I supposed.
Luckily—or rather unluckily, however you chose to look at it—for me, I didn’t have to wait long. After twenty minutes had passed, the front door of my apartment building opened, and I watched as the familiar lime green and gray stroller came into view. Ben was on his phone, talking away as he turned the corner, oblivious to me watching him.
I pulled out when he’d disappeared from view, driving slowly and keeping my distance, turning down streets full minutes after him. He walked past the park, not stopping, and continued on toward the next set of apartments. Was he going to visit someone? If so, who? His family lived out of state and, as far as I knew, he didn’t have any friends in Oceanside. Apparently, I’d been wrong.
He kept walking past the apartment, and finally I realized where he was headed. The red and white sign came into view. Gary’s Grill.
It was a rundown, outdated building with dull, white parking lot lines that needed to be repainted, and smoke billowing from the vent on the roof. It was not any place I would’ve chosen. There was an awning, where the kitchen could be seen; you could choose to order and either eat inside or out. Ben walked to a picnic table with Gray, taking a seat outside.
I parallel parked behind a white work van, my view only partially obstructed. What are they doing?
I wrung my hands in my lap, watching with an uneasy feeling as Ben continued talking on the phone, occasionally putting his hands in the stroller to soothe Gray.
After a few moments, Ben stood, his eyes locked with something in the distance. The smile on his face was wide, warm, and utterly heartbreaking.
I followed his gaze to where a woman approached from the opposite side of town. She had strawberry-blonde hair, her roots dark brown, and wore blue jean shorts and a tiny, white cami with no bra. She was smiling as she grew nearer, her arms outstretched as my husband pulled her into an embrace.
I watched in pure horror as the scene unfolded. Not again. Please, not again.
I was going to be sick, I was sure of it. My body was tense, tears blurring my vision as I watched her take a seat next to Ben on the picnic bench, both of them cooing over my baby in the stroller. He kept one arm around her, smiling proudly as she reached in, touching Gray.
My hands balled into fists, my whole body shaking with adrenaline and anger. Everything in me wanted to shove open the door, run over there, grab the stroller, and run, but I had to remain calm. I had to do better, be better than last time.
When I’d caught Nate cheating, I’d made a complete and utter fool of myself. Making a huge scene at that bar hadn’t gotten me anywhere. I had to control myself this time. Learn from my mistakes.
I pulled out my phone, clicking on his name in my messages and typing something slowly. My shaking hands made for many errors, but eventually, I had the message ready. Send.
How is he?
I watched Ben carefully, spying down to the second when the message came through. He lifted his phone from the picnic table, staring at it with incredulity. A waiter approached their table, and I watched them order. When the waiter left, the woman said something, and he laughed before responding.
Just finished eating and now he’s laying down.
So, he was lying. Already. Even if there was some way to explain his way through this. He was lying to me. About who knew how much. Who was this woman? Why was he meeting her?
Send me a picture? I miss you both already.
He read the message as it came through, but laid his phone down, obviously conflicted. When the waiter approached again, this time with two baskets of food, Ben paid in cash. I swallowed. We never used cash. In fact, it was rare that we even had it.
I pulled my wallet from my purse, chill bumps lining my skin as I opened it and gasped. The forty dollars I kept in my purse for emergencies was gone.
He’d stolen from me.
As much as I swore the money was ours, that he could spend whatever he needed to, it still stung. We were lucky enough to be well taken care of thanks to my job, but I didn’t want him literally taking money from my wallet. Maybe it was selfish of me to feel that way.
Buzz.
I looked down at the newest text message. I’m getting ready to jump in the shower. I’ll text you one soon. Miss you too.
I glanced out the window, barely able to see them through my blurry, tear-filled vision. Gray was out of his stroller now, balanced in the woman’s arms as she shoved a fry into her mouth, bouncing my child on her knee. Ben kissed the top of his head, looking carefree.
A scream bubbled in my chest, ready to rip free. I wanted to attack. I swallowed it down, just barely.
Instead, I watched.
Chapter Seven
Ben stayed with the woman for around an hour, the three of them looking like a perfect little family. When they parted, he pressed his lips to her head, though only briefly. She kissed Gray’s head, whispering in his ear before she walked away, climbing into a beat-up, red Honda.