“Hey.” My voice was so sugary sweet it nearly made me sick. “No, don’t be silly. I’m glad to see you. I’m just sorry you had to wait. Is everything okay?” I hugged him back, then lowered myself to Gray’s stroller, where he was sleeping peacefully. Big day for the both of them.
“Yeah, yeah,” Ben said, shoving his hands in his pockets with a deep, drawn-out inhale. “Everything’s fine. He was extra fussy this morning, so I thought I’d take him for a drive. You didn’t mention you’d be out of the office.”
I stood, one brow raised. Was he really questioning where I’d been? “I don’t normally tell you my schedule.” I laughed at the end, attempting to make my statement less abrasive. “What else have you done today?” I waited, barely breathing. It felt like a game, both of us teasing and toying with each other to see what would be revealed. I wasn’t sure if I was the only one playing.
His eyes darted toward the floor, and I could swear he grew a shade paler. “Nothing, really. I fed him some breakfast, and then we headed here.”
I glanced at the Apple Watch on my wrist. “It’s been two hours since I left. Surely you’ve done something besides feeding him breakfast.”
“What would we have done?” he asked, meeting my eyes finally. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “We were slow moving, I’ll admit. Traffic was pretty bad, but we hung around the house for a while after breakfast while I tried to keep him calm.”
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked, my concentration momentarily pulled to my child from my cheating husband. “Why was he fussing?” Gray was usually a happy baby—oh wait. I reminded myself he was lying. Gray hadn’t been fussy at all when they were at the park. This was all an excuse. Why was my gut instinct to trust him even when I knew it was a lie?
“I think he just had a bit of gas. The car ride seemed to help,” Ben said, grabbing a piece of cinnamon candy from the small bowl on my desk. He unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth. “Did we interrupt you with a client?”
“I’d just finished up.”
“It looks like you got something on your pants.” He pointed to the stains on my suit.
“I know.” I walked around toward my seat and opened a drawer, pulling out a Tide pen and rubbing it over the stains I could see. I was trying to hide my anger, trying to distract myself, when all I really wanted to do was confront him, lash out, and make a scene. I wanted to tell him all I knew, all I’d seen, and all I wanted to do to him. But my child was sleeping just feet away. I was in my place of business. For the sake of women everywhere, I had to do better. I had to represent us better. “The meeting was outside, and the client had kids.” I didn’t explain further, and he didn’t pry. An outdoor meeting, plus children, equals stains—self-explanatory.
“So, do you want to grab lunch with us?” he asked, twisting his mouth as he sucked on the candy.
I did want to go. I wanted to be with Gray, to talk to Ben, more than I wanted anything else. Two things were keeping me at work, though. One being that I honestly did need to catch up on things. Over half of my unread emails from yesterday were still sitting in my inbox. I also didn’t think I could control myself around him yet. I needed time to process what I’d discovered today. Time to regain my composure. When I confronted him, I wanted to be calm, to stay calm, so I wouldn’t let him manipulate me. The more stressed I got with Nate, the more he could lead the conversation and make me believe what he was saying. It wasn’t until we were apart that I would realize he’d steered the conversation his way, negating the issues I was bringing up. I wouldn’t make those same mistakes with Ben. I sighed, patting my hands on the desk. “I really shouldn’t. I need to catch up on a few things. Maybe tomorrow?”
His expression was distant, not quite sad, but there was an emotion there I didn’t recognize. “Yeah, okay.” He sat down across from me, waiting. “Dannika just loves Gray.”
“Why wouldn’t she?” I cooed, staring at the stroller. “He’s perfect.”
Ben chuckled, rubbing a hand through his hair. “That’s true. We did make a pretty amazing kid.” He paused, seeming conflicted. “Hey, Palm?”
I flicked my eyes back toward him. “Yeah?”
“We’re…we’re okay, right?”
I stared at him, blinking once, twice, before I answered. He was on edge. Nervous. But I couldn’t figure out why. Was it just a guilty conscience? Had he seen my car following him? Had I been caught catching him? If so, he’d have to admit it. I wouldn’t fold. Not yet.
“Why would you ask that?” I picked up a pen from the side of my desk, clicking it slowly to keep my hands busy.
“I…I just wanted to be sure. You seemed strange this morning,” he told me. His words were slow, as if he were testing the waters of how I’d react. I gave him nothing.
I blinked, my lips forming a tight, unaffected smile. “What do you mean? I don’t think I acted strangely this morning.”
“I don’t know. I can’t explain it. I just…I get the feeling you’re…avoiding me, or something. Did I do anything wrong?” All signs pointed to a guilty conscience.
“I’m not avoiding you, Ben,” I said, my voice light and airy. “Why would you think that? Should I be avoiding you? You’re the one acting strangely now.”
He swallowed with a light, forced laugh. “No, of course not. I’m sorry. I’m being ridiculous. I just wanted to be sure. I guess I just…feel weird. I know we said we were both okay with me staying home with Gray, but I know your first day back was horrible. I’m worried about you. Worried about what you think of me. You know I can go back if that’s what you’d rather have me do. If you want to be home with him.”
I took a deep breath, clasping my hands together in front of me. “I appreciate you checking on me, but I’m honestly okay. I mean, yes, it’s hard being away from him. Yes, I’d rather be home, but we both said this was what’s best. I make more than you. I can provide us with insurance. Besides, I love what I do. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, and Dannika and I still plan to open our own firm one day. To quit now would mean giving all of that up. It’s not easy, I won’t lie, but I love that you get to be home with him.” Loved. “It feels safer than daycare, and I want you two to bond.” With each other, not random park sluts.
It was the strangest conversation, my inner thoughts fighting with everything I was telling him. As angry as I was, I felt like I needed to keep it together. I needed to know more about Ben’s indiscretions, in case I was wrong about what I’d seen, though I highly doubted that was the case. I didn’t want to be acting based on my experiences with my cheating ex. Ben wasn’t Nate. If he was cheating, I needed to know the truth and, until I did, I couldn’t react. I had to keep myself in line, even if he wasn’t. It was a fine line to walk. Dannika had told me too many horror stories about her husband, Ty’s, divorce cases. The amount of alimony paid to spouses, the way the assets were split. I didn’t want to go through a divorce, didn’t want to lose my husband or my money, if there was a way to ease my fears and prove myself wrong.