“I need to take the car.”
He waved me off. “I’ll have it towed. You shouldn’t be driving in your condition.”
I nodded, sinking into his chest as we made it to the car and he opened the door. “Here you go,” he said, placing me in the seat and buckling me in. He kissed my forehead again. “I love you, my crazy girl.”
He shut the door, its impact reverberating across the car as my stomach let out another loud growl. How could I have been so foolish?
Chapter Eleven
Her
“I want to have a baby.” We were sitting in our garden tub, bubbles up to our shoulders, the first time I mentioned it. I’d been toying with the idea for months, but it was only in the last several weeks that I’d worked up the courage to bring it up.
Despite all the plans we’d made before the wedding, plans for a future home and future careers, children had never come up. I’d never wanted to seem like I was moving too quickly, choosing to let Mark take the lead in all of our biggest decisions—moving in, getting married. But now, I wanted to make a decision for us. Kids were the next step.
He tossed a bit of bubbles at me playfully, his foot teasing my side. “Yeah, okay.”
“I’m serious,” I told him, scooting further up in the tub. “I’m here all day by myself. I get lonely. Now that I’m not working, wouldn’t this be the perfect time to start trying?”
“If you’re lonely, why don’t we get a dog?”
I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but his face showed no sign of a smile. “I don’t want a dog. I’m not a dog person, you know that.”
“Yes, I do, but I didn’t know you were a kid person, either.” He tossed more suds my way. “What if our kid wanted a dog?”
“We need a kid to have to worry about that, don’t we?” I paused. “Are you…serious? You didn’t think I’d want children?”
He shrugged.
“Don’t you want us to have kids? A little boy you could teach how to play catch?”
“I’ve never really thought about it, I guess.”
“How could you not think about it? It’s our future.” How could anyone not think about having children? I’d spent so many years dreaming of their little faces, the way they’d laugh, even the messes they’d make. I wanted it all, and lately the idea had been resurfacing more and more. I suppose my biological clock was letting me know it was time.
“I don’t know, I guess I just never wanted kids. You’ve never mentioned them, so I thought you felt the same.” He was no longer meeting my eyes as he spoke.
I glanced up at the ceiling as I tried to piece my thoughts together. What was happening? It was not at all how I’d expected the conversation to go. He was supposed to be excited, flip me over, and insist we start trying right then. How could he say he never wanted kids? Wasn’t that the kind of thing you brought up before you marry someone? Doesn’t everyone just assume both people want kids unless someone says otherwise? I couldn’t believe it. “I…well, I just thought it was a given, I guess. You don’t want kids at all?”
“I just…I don’t know. Kids complicate things, don’t they?”
“Complicate things how?” I was drawing circles in the bubbles, watching my finger twirl round and round as it traced. My heart was breaking, but I couldn’t let it show. I just had to be persuasive. I’d make him see this was what he wanted.
“I only mean that I like things the way they are, you know? I don’t want to make things more difficult on you…or me. Ya know?”
I scooted forward in the bath, sliding my body in between his legs and turning to face the front of the tub, placing my feet next to his. I rested my head on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me. “It wouldn’t complicate anything,” I assured him. “Babies are good. If anything, a baby will make things even better. Just imagine, holding a little one with my green eyes and your curly locks. And, oh, the cute outfits we could pick out.” My body was all tingly just thinking about it. About a child growing inside of me, tiny baby kicks from inside my stomach. It was all I’d ever dreamed of. How could he not feel the same way? I wanted him to want it as badly as I did, to want to watch me grow with our child. To want to help me raise him or her. To want to love our baby as much as we loved each other. “Think about it: reading bedtime stories; trips to the park; family vacations; those cute little Christmas ornaments with their little handprint.” I closed my eyes, allowing myself to drift off into my daydream. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“It’s really that important to you?” he asked, lowering his head so that his cheek rested near my ear.
“It’s everything to me,” I told him.
He sighed. “Well, how many are we talking? One or two, right? Not, like…six.”
I snorted. “No, I had no plans for six.”
He rested his head on the back of the tub and let out a loud sigh. “Whatever you want, my love, it’s yours.”
I grinned from ear to ear, pulling his arms tighter around me. “You really mean it?” I glanced over my shoulder at him.
He kissed my cheek. “My goal in life is to make you happy, Han. If a baby will do that…why would I say no?”
“Is it what you want, though?” I asked, instantly doubting why I was pressing the matter.
“What I want,” he turned me sideways and brushed a piece of hair out of my face so he could see me clearly, “is for you to have the life you’ve always dreamed of.”
I kissed his lips then, sliding an arm around him with a full grin. “I already do.”
Like I’d hoped originally, we started trying then, right there in the bathtub. I just knew it would happen quickly—I’d always gotten what I wanted. I could practically see the child we’d bring into the world together. I counted down the days from our first unprotected encounter until the first moment I could possibly feel a pregnancy symptom. Every ache or pain, every wave of nausea, every yawn that escaped my throat pointed to the pregnancy I knew must be in progress. I researched heavily every early pregnancy symptom and searched for them with my every waking moment. I watched the calendar diligently, waiting impatiently for the day—the second—I could take the test.
When it finally came, I rushed into the bathroom with the box in hand. It had two tests—I had a very real picture of how I wanted to surprise Mark in my head. I couldn’t wait to take a picture of my positive tests. When the first one came out negative, I convinced myself it was because it hadn’t been first morning urine. I’d been hardly able to make it to the toilet, let alone open the impenetrable package that I needed to get into. So, when it came time for the second test, I waited with bated breath for the next day. I didn’t allow myself to drink anything for a few hours before bed in hopes that I wouldn’t dilute the urine.
But, despite all my efforts, the test result remained negative. Again and again I tested, waiting for that little pink plus sign, but it never came. Right on schedule, my period reared its ugly, red head.