My stomach grumbled as I shut the car off, protesting the fact that I’d had to skip breakfast and hadn’t run through anywhere to eat. I didn’t have much cash and I couldn’t risk Mark seeing a charge if I were to use my debit card. If I’d been smart, I would’ve packed a lunch, but it hadn’t come to mind until right then. I rummaged around in the center console, pulling out another piece of gum and trading it out for more flavor.
I should’ve at least packed a water, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. I flipped up the visor that had been blocking the sun and scooted forward in my seat, watching for Mark to exit the parking garage. It took longer than expected and, for a moment, I worried I missed him, but then, there he was. He walked across the busy street with just one glance in each direction.
There was a knot in my stomach that I couldn’t deny. Every inch of my skin crawled with anticipation and dread. What would my day uncover? What did I want it to? I watched as he entered the high-rise building and pictured him climbing into the elevator and riding it up to the third floor, where he would spend his day.
Every pretty woman who walked into the building after him was a suspect. I stared them down, looking for a sign that they were the one who could ruin everything for me. The one who could make my husband risk everything.
I watched as the day ticked by, bouncing in my seat from a full bladder, but I didn’t dare leave my post. I couldn’t miss him. I couldn’t miss the chance to catch whatever it was that would give me my answers. I put my sunglasses on as the midday sun broke through the clouds, causing a glare on the hood of my car. I half-considered giving up, but I was no quitter.
One time at work, they’d made us take a personality quiz. I can’t remember the name of it. When the results came in, it showed my biggest personality trait, was that of a maximizer—someone who is all black or white, all in or all out. No room for gray. I’d never read anything more true, though I hadn’t had a name for it before then. My maximizer personality would never let me do anything halfway. I was all in and I would sooner urinate on the floor than admit defeat.
Luckily, I didn’t have to do either. At half past eleven, my husband strode out the front door of his office building with a blonde woman next to him. From what I could tell, she wasn’t one of the women I’d seen entering the building that morning. Anger welled in my belly, enough to make me nauseous, and I felt fresh tears sting my eyes.
How could he do that to me? We weren’t three years into our marriage, and already he’d betrayed me. Already he’d cast me aside like yesterday’s news. How many times had there been? How many women? In that moment, I understood what people meant by the phrase ‘blinded by rage.’ My vision was blurring, both from tears and white-hot anger. I put the keys into the ignition, no longer aware of my plan, and revved the engine. I pulled from the parking spot as soon as I saw his car turning out of the parking garage.
I didn’t care anymore if he saw me following him. He’d been caught red handed, and there was no way he could’ve talked himself out of this. I zipped around a car, gunning it through a yellow light to arrive behind him. His brake lights came on—had he seen me? He made a sudden left at the next street and I did the same, narrowly missing a car as it blared its horn at me. I didn’t care. I cared about nothing at that moment. Nothing other than confronting my husband.
The black car came to a sudden stop in front of me, turning into a parking space on the street. My stomach fell, and I swallowed, pulling in just behind him. The driver’s door to his car opened, and he shoved his leg out, his black dress shoes shining in the sun. He stepped out of the car, looking directly at me with a look of outright indignance.
“Hannah?” he called. “What the hell are you doing?” His voice was demanding as he threw his arms out to his sides.
“I should ask you the same thing,” I spat, stepping out of my car and marching toward him. He looked me up and down, obviously not impressed.
“You don’t look well. Are you still feeling ill? Have you been to the doctor?” His face turned from anger to confusion. “Were you planning to surprise me for lunch?”
“Even if I was, it seems like you’re a bit busy,” I said, pursing my lips as if to show he’d been caught.
“What are you talking about?”
Unable to control myself any longer, my voice broke as I asked the question that was causing my insides to squirm. “Who is she, Mark?”
His jaw clenched, his mouth shoved to one side, as he stared at me. “Who is who? What are you talking about?” He glanced toward his car, following me as I pointed and marched toward where I knew she was waiting.
“The woman you’re having an affair with. Don’t play dumb with me.” I stormed around toward the front of the car to glance through his window and gasped. To my surprise, there was no one in the car with him. I looked around me, convinced she was there. “Where did she go?”
“She who? What are you talking about, Han? Are you running a fever?” He approached me with caution, lifting an extended hand toward my forehead to check. I swatted it away.
“I’m fine. Where is the woman you were with?”
“What woman?” he demanded.
“The blonde that you left your office with. I know she was with you.” Suddenly, it was hitting me how ridiculous I must look. What must he think of me, behaving this way?
“Leilani?” he asked, his jaw dropping down. “What, were you…were you watching my office?” He rubbed a curled hand across his temple. “Were you stalking me? What is going on, Han?”
Fat tears filled my eyes as the adrenaline began to leave my body. “I found a condom in the laundry. I thought…I thought—” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“You thought I was having an affair?” he confirmed, his lips tight. Suddenly, he let out a laugh. “Hannah.” He stepped forward, clicking his tongue and pulling me into his chest despite my protests. His breaths turned into laughter, and I looked up at him.
“What’s so funny?”
He smirked. “You are…plenty of woman for me. What on earth would I need to go and have an affair for?”
“Then why were you with that woman?”
“Leilani is one of the junior partners. She’s under Bill and Lonnie, but still my boss,” he said. “We walked out of the building together because I was just finishing up with a meeting and she was leaving. She’s married and twice my age. If I was going to have an affair, she certainly wouldn’t be my prime choice. Besides, I’d never risk my job or our marriage like that. You know me. ” He kissed my forehead, squeezing me tight. “Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”
I nodded, though suddenly that wasn’t true. The mounting pressure of the day was rolling over me as I realized how ridiculous I’d been. I wasn’t James Bond. I was Hannah Oliver, and this little mission had done nothing but cause my bladder irreparable damage and my husband to think I was a lunatic.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t know what’s come over me.”
“You still feel warm,” he said. I knew he was lying, though I wasn’t sure if it was for my benefit or his. Sick as I felt, I wasn’t feverish. Still, I let him lead me to my car. “Let’s get you home.”