Judith gasped and fell back in her chair as if Carol had pulled the weapon from her bag and aimed it across the table. “A gun? Caroline!”
“I’ve been thoroughly trained how to handle a weapon.”
“I can’t deal with this,” Judith muttered as she walked away, leaving her breakfast barely touched.
Carol glanced at Ellen, catching the frown on her face. “What?”
Ellen didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. Her face expressed her disbelief at Carol’s confession.
“I’ll apologize,” Carol grumbled, leaving her coffee and breakfast on the table, knowing both would be cold by the time she returned. She found Judith sitting and looking out the window as she’d been the day before. “I was trained how to protect myself, Mom. Tobias made sure—”
Sitting even taller, clearly readying for a fight, Judith snapped, “It’s a husband’s job to take care of his wife.”
“My husband did take care of me.” Carol kept her voice as measured as possible. The implication that Tobias did anything less spiked her defenses. She took a lot from her mother, but she wouldn’t tolerate attacks on her husband. “Part of which was making sure I could take care of myself.”
“By teaching you how to shoot a gun?”
“I learned how to shoot a gun after my husband died. We lived in a gated community, but I’m not foolish enough to think nothing bad could ever happen. A single woman living in a big house in a fancy neighborhood made me a target. Traveling alone makes me a target too. I’m aware of that, Mom. I took steps to protect myself. As for Tobias, he taught me how to beat the hell out of someone.” She grinned when Judith widened her eyes with shock once again. “You’ll be happy to know that when John showed up unannounced, I punched him so hard, I knocked him out.”
Judith smirked but forced the reaction away as if she refused to allow a moment of harmony between them. “Violence isn’t becoming of a lady, Carol.”
Sitting on the couch next to Judith, Carol chuckled. “No, but punching his smug face felt really good.” Her mom did smile then, and Carol rested her hand on Judith’s forearm. She hoped to put the conversation to rest. “I know you’re worried about my safety, and I appreciate that. But I can take care of myself. Being alone doesn’t scare me.”
“It never has. You’ve always been brave.”
Carol wasn’t sure how to respond. Compliments from her mother were as rare as Halley’s Comet. Thank you was on the tip of her tongue, ready to push through the shock.
“So much so, you bordered on foolish,” Judith added, squelching the moment of amazement.
Yep. That was the mom she knew.
“I wasn’t trying to upset you,” Carol said instead of engaging further. “I wanted you to know that I can keep myself safe.”
Judith gave her the same disbelieving frown Ellen had, and Carol had to consider if her motives had been as direct as she’d intended. She couldn’t deny their long history of poking each other for no reason other than to get a response. That was the pattern she was hoping to break. In order to do that, Carol had to acknowledge she was equally as guilty of starting fights as her mother. She’d learned that behavior from her mom, who had likely learned it from hers. This type of generational cycle wasn’t going to be easy for either of them to change.
Since Carol was the one who had decided to stop the cycle, she was going to have to be the one to step up and follow through. “I’m sorry I told you about my gun,” she said. “I know you don’t care for weapons. I apologize.”
“Thank you.”
“Will you please come finish your breakfast?”
Judith quirked a brow as her lips parted, looking shocked at the request. “Are you even the slightest bit concerned that I couldn’t sleep last night?”
“What do you want me to do, Mom?”
“Stay here. With us. Where it’s safe. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”
Instead of reminding her mother she would be leaving soon, traveling and sleeping alone, Carol conceded. “Okay. If that will make you sleep better tonight, I will stay here. I’ll go over and pack a bag today.”
“Thank you.”
She gestured toward the kitchen. “Can we finish our breakfast now?”
Judith huffed melodramatically as she pushed herself up. Carol stood, too, but came face-to-face with her mom, who hadn’t taken a step. Clearly she wasn’t done yet.
“You get upset when I don’t worry about you,” Judith said, “and you get upset when I do. I can’t win with you, Carol. I never could.”
She opened her mouth but immediately clamped her jaw shut. Taking a moment to envision the delicate pink hyacinths Tobias had grown soothed her so she didn’t bark when she spoke. “I’m not upset. I told you I appreciate your concerns.”
Pressing her lips into a thin line, Judith shook her head ever so slightly. “I don’t know why you have to be so difficult.”
Carol bit the inside of her cheek before asking, “How am I being difficult?”
“I am concerned about you, and you are mocking me.”
Throwing her hands up, Carol said, “I’m not mocking you, Mom. I agreed to stay here, didn’t I?”
Judith waved as if batting the words away. “If you keep this up, you’re bound to get yourself into trouble.”
Carol rolled her eyes and silently cursed. “Would you like to tell me what this is really about? Because I’m having a hard time believing you are this upset about my sleeping arrangements.”
Several tense seconds passed before Judith stated, “I cannot understand why you went on a vacation with that man.”
Furrowing her brow, Carol gawked at her mother. “This is about John? Seriously?”
Anger sparked in Judith’s eyes. “After everything he did to you. To Katie.”
Despite her attempts to stay calm, Carol’s fuse was instantly lit. “That was twenty-four years ago.”
“Twenty-four years that you have been without your daughter.”
Carol’s heart thudded. The statement struck more than one chord in her chest. Not only the reminder of Katie’s loss, but the realization that before yesterday, she couldn’t remember the last time she and her mother had discussed anything about Katie. Not her death, or how much she was missed, or memories of the short life she’d lived.
If nothing else, that was a clear sign of how distant from each other they were. She talked about Katie all the time with Tobias’s family. Mary, his mother, considered herself Katie’s grandmother and brought her up often as if she’d known her, even though Katie was gone before Carol and Tobias met. Her in-laws had never known Katie, yet Carol felt more comfortable reminiscing with them than with her own mother.
Sadness washed over Carol. More than sadness. The feeling was closer to anguish. This was a recognition deep in her soul at how disconnected she felt from her mother and that they may never have another chance to connect. Judith was in her midseventies. How much more time would they have to fix this? If not now, when?
This was the tipping point. Carol either played into their established cycle, or she broke it. Forcing her anger down, Carol counted to five. “Sit down,” she said with a level of softness she didn’t feel. She was met with her mother’s usual defiance. “Mom, please, sit down.”