“Carmen, I’m better now, and I can handle it this time. And I don’t want to talk about it again. You promised we wouldn’t talk about it,” said Martha quietly as she stared down at her hands, which she was kneading in her lap.
After a pause, Martha continued, “Anyway, I have a call scheduled for Friday with an old med school classmate who might be able to get me a position at a local clinic he runs. I owe it to myself to look into it. Carmen, do you ever think about how weird it is that we started out so ambitious and driven in college, and now here we are not working? I don’t know, I feel like if women like us can’t get this figured out, then nobody can, you know what I mean? We started out with every advantage. Especially me.”
Carmen didn’t know what to say to that, so she decided to say nothing for the time being. She was clearly losing the battle. And Martha was going down that old, bad road again. This would not be the last conversation they would have, vowed Carmen.
After a prolonged silence, Martha made an attempt to change the subject. “So what’s the plan for our girls’ weekend?”
“Well, Heather has already bailed,” said Carmen dramatically, trying to put her concern to the side and rolling her eyes for good measure. “No surprise there. She’s working on some secret project.”
“You know, I’m not sure I care that she’s not coming,” said Martha matter-of-factly. “Ever since she was so judgy at that dinner after Jack was born, well, let’s just say I’ve had trouble enjoying her company.”
“This is what I’ve been saying for years,” agreed Carmen.
“But Elizabeth and Heather are kind of a package deal, aren’t they?” Martha sighed.
“And Heather does pony up the free stuff. Do you remember when she sent us all those e-readers preloaded with hundreds of books? Not bad,” Carmen conceded. “So we should consider that.”
The waitress returned with their drinks.
“Is Mark excited for the new house in Lake Geneva?” asked Martha.
“You know, he said he would get up from the city more, but he’s so busy,” said Carmen.
“Hmmm. Well, I hope he appreciates all the effort you are going to,” said Martha with suspicion.
“I’m sure he does,” responded Carmen brightly. “But, well, it’s hard sometimes—”
Suddenly, Martha interjected, “Oh God, I have to go to the bathroom, again! When will this be over?”
Carmen laughed and watched her friend negotiate her way to the bathroom at the back of the café. Carmen had been about to admit that things with Mark weren’t so great. It was the one area that she never wanted to discuss with Martha, though, because she just couldn’t face the truth herself, and talking to Martha about it would make it real.
And if she and Mark could just get pregnant it could be different. No, it would be different. He would stop making excuses for why he couldn’t get up to Lake Geneva from the city. And if there was something there, well, it couldn’t compete with what she could give him—loyalty, family, a shared history.
By the time Martha came back from the bathroom, talk of Mark was forgotten, and the girls filled the rest of their lunch talking about house stuff, both of them happy to avoid deeper conversation.
MARTHA
A few days had passed since Martha met Carmen for lunch, but the conversation had stuck with her. As she sat in the stiff, narrow, and unyielding chair outside the office of the head of the lower school where Bobby and Jack were enrolled, waiting for her appointment, she considered whether Carmen was right.
Martha really did enjoy being able to be there for so many things she would have otherwise missed. It was the small things at the strangest times. And mostly in the car, it seemed. Maybe on the way to school when they wanted just one more hug before starting their day. Or, even more likely, on the way back when they forgot she was there and spilled their secrets to each other with no apparent filter.
But being a doctor was more than just getting up and going to a job. It was being the person who solved the puzzle and helped set someone else’s life back on the right course. It was time for her to get back that part of who she was. And this time she would do things differently. She wouldn’t let it all fall apart again.
As she decided that she would move ahead with her call tomorrow with her old classmate, she heard the office assistant call her name.
“Mrs. West, the dean will see you now.”
Martha rose from the chair and walked into the dean’s office, quickly locating the widest available seat.
“Please sit down and make yourself comfortable, assuming, of course, that remains a possibility for you at this stage,” the dean said wryly.
Martha smiled and said, “Not really, but I’ll give it a chance.”
“When are you expecting the new arrival?” the dean asked pleasantly.
“Any day now,” replied Martha with a tired smile.
“Excellent. Well, I won’t beat around the bush given your condition. I’m sure a rest would do you good. I called you and your husband in to discuss a serious matter.”
“Yes, I’m sorry Robert was unable to make it. His work at the hospital makes it very difficult for him to get away,” Martha interjected apologetically, annoyed that she was yet again in the position to have to make excuses for him.
“Well, if we don’t make some progress, I will want him to participate in future discussions. It’s important in our community that both parents are part of the process.”
“Of course,” replied Martha, wondering what could be such an enormous problem at the first-grade level that it required both Robert and her to attend a future meeting.
“I assume the issue is in the first-grade classroom,” prompted Martha, wanting to get this over with and find a place to get ice cream. She was hungry and tired.
“Actually, this is a more global concern,” replied the dean in a serious tone. “Our staff have observed some ongoing issues with both the boys. In the case of Bobby, we have witnessed a number of instances of aggression toward the other children. There was one instance in which he pulled the hair of another classmate and two reports of shouting on the playground. These sorts of behaviors are not the kind that are acceptable in our community. While they haven’t risen to the level that would require immediate action, we wanted to inform you of our findings so that you can be part of the solution moving forward.”
“I’m sure that a part of that is the stress of the move,” said Martha, vowing to read Bobby the riot act when she got home. “Robert and I will address it, of course. You mentioned that there are issues with both boys?”
“Yes, with Jack, the staff informs me that he has had a number of accidents requiring the staff to be pulled away from learning activities to assist him. As you know, our policy is that all 4K community members must be fully toilet trained. I appreciate that accidents happen, but more than a few accidents indicate a failure to be fully trained. And, as you know, the accidents are, shall we say, often so catastrophic that we can’t simply clean him up here at school, necessitating an immediate parent pickup.”
Martha felt her cheeks go hot with embarrassment. “Yes, I know Jack has had some issues in that department. I think the change has been hard on him as well.”