ooooooooo
As I stepped out of the cab in front of my house, I stood there with the small white card clutched in my fist. I’d read over it several times on the ride home, waffling back and forth on whether I was going to actually do anything to leave. Warren was all I knew. We’ve been married for six years. We met right after college, and when we started dating, I thought I’d won. He treated me like a queen. It wasn’t until a few months after our wedding that he started to change. It was small at first. He’d get angry about something minor. He’d make a big deal out of it, and berate me. It was about a year before he started getting physical. I’ve had to go to the hospital six times for injuries he inflicted, but they were always my fault. I honestly don’t know how it got this bad, but I know I have to leave so this baby can have a chance.
I stuffed the card deep into my pocket before unlocking the front door. When I came inside, Warren was sitting at the kitchen table. “Where have you been?”
“I had an appointment. For the baby,” I clarified.
“Right.” He rolled his eyes. “The baby.” He made air quotes. “What time is it, Brooke?” He started to stand, but I shuffled back out of his reach.
“It’s five- thirty.” I set my things down, and racked my brain for what I’d done wrong.
“Dinner is at five-thirty. I’ve been sitting here waiting on you. I’m hungry.” He pounded the table with his fist, causing it to shake.
I jumped back, startled. “I can get something going right now.” I rushed past him and into the kitchen, but not fast enough. His fist came flying out and wrapped around the ends of my hair. He pulled his fist toward his chest, causing my head to jerk to the side. “This bastard kid isn’t more important than me. Get your lazy ass in there and find something for me to eat!” he demanded before releasing me.
I held back the tears. I would not cry. My scalp stung, but I refused to touch it. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. It hurt to think that he didn’t care about his own child. It was ok though. I was gonna love this baby enough for the two of us, and as I thought about the white card crumpled in the pocket of my jeans, I knew that I’d be calling the number tomorrow as soon as Warren left for the office.
Chapter 4
Present Day
Brooke
I’m standing by the fence at a park. I don’t know why I’m here, but Ava has been running around and playing with some friends. She’s older than she should be, and when I smile at her, she looks confused. She pauses for a moment and then begins waving furiously in the air. I wave back, but then she stops. As I hear footsteps beside me, Ava begins to run in my direction. Her hair is whipping around behind her, and her feet pound against the ground.
“Daddy!” she squeals, and throws herself into his arms. My body seizes as Warren’s eyes meet mine. He grins at Ava before turning toward me.
“She’s such a beautiful girl, Brooke.” He smirked. “Too bad you couldn’t keep me away.”
Ava looked at him with confusion. “Away? What are you talking about, Daddy?”
“Nothing, baby.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and began leading her away from me.
“Who’s that lady?” She glanced over her shoulder at me.
“Nobody,” he replied as they rounded the corner, leaving me there. My feet were rooted to the grass. How did she not know who I was? She couldn’t have been more than ten. How did he find her?
“Ava!” I tried to scream, but it came out as a whisper. “Warren?” The words stuck in my throat.
My eyes flew open as I fought with the sheets tangled around my body. It wasn’t real. I was in bed. I blinked against the dark, trying to ground myself. As my hand slapped against the night table in search of the switch on my bedside lamp, I gasped for air. It felt as if I was suffocating. She was fine, I knew this in my heart, but my head wasn’t having it. I stood and rushed to her room. As I opened her door, there she was sound asleep. She was curled on her side with her stuffed dog tucked under her chin.
I don’t know why I have these dreams. They plague me each week. It’s like he’s still here, right in the next room, and I can’t escape him. If he took her, it would break me.
I took several deep breaths as I made my way back to my bed. I climbed in, but left the light on. I stared at the ceiling, knowing that I wasn’t falling back to sleep anytime soon. This was normal. I usually averaged about three hours a night.
I laid there until dawn. When the sun started to peek over the horizon, I pulled myself out of bed, and trudged to the kitchen. I began the process of making a pot of coffee before glancing at the frame hanging on the wall by the fridge. ‘It’s not your fault. You were not the cause. She is your purpose.’ Donna wrote those words on the tattered paper in the frame. She gave it to me right before Ava was born. She didn’t know it at the time, but that paper has gotten me through a lot of dark moments.
When the coffee pot beeped, I poured a cup and slumped down at the table. I did this every morning. I’d watch the sun rise from the kitchen window, and I’d pray. I’d pray that we’d make it through another day safely, and be thankful that we’d made it through the previous one. It may sound silly, but when you don’t know how many days you have, you’re thankful for all of them, even the hard ones.
ooooooooo
“Mommy?” Ava tugged on my hand. “Is this a long day?” We were on our way to the market. I had an afternoon shift today. Usually those shifts went until the dinner hour, meaning a long day, but today was different.
“Nope.” I grinned as I swung our joined hands between us. We were walking. It was only about two miles to get to town from where we lived, and the exercise helped tire me out more so I could sleep. “I was thinking maybe we’d get dinner in town tonight. Go to Fran’s? Maybe get a shake?” Fran’s was a diner down the street from the market, and Ava knew that shakes were for special occasions.
“Why?” she paused. “Do we hafta leave here?” Her lip quivered as she peered up at me.
“Leave?” I was confused.
“We went out for a special dinner the last time we had to leave. I don’t wanna leave. I like it here.” She pouted.
“We’re not going anywhere. I thought we could celebrate you starting school like a big girl.” I shrugged. “But if you don’t wanna—” I let the words trail off.
“No! I do!” She bounced beside me as we resumed our walk.
“Well, ok then. Dinner and shakes in town tonight.” I laughed.
“Won’t it be dark when we come home?” She furrowed her brow. She looked just like Warren when she did that, and it was hard sometimes for me. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she could tell that something was wrong. “Mommy? You ok?”
“I’m fine. Just tired. I had a bad dream and didn’t sleep good last night. I’ll be fine.” I smiled and she relaxed.
“Can Abbie come too?” She began skipping.
“I’ll have to talk to Julie about that. Maybe.” We began skipping together along the road as we made our way to the market. Ava was right; it would be close to sunset when we made our way home. I just needed to watch the time. I could get us home before dark if I didn’t get sidetracked.