“Can you walk?” I asked.
Given her condition, if she could walk she’d still be slow, but that would mean my hands would be free if we ran into trouble again, and I wasn’t going to assume there wouldn’t be trouble again. As much as it had seemed that the Winter Court was trying to force the princess to take the throne, this was still the Winter Queen’s court. That, and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate with her in my arms, and I doubted her putting my tunic on would change that. I had the memory of her naked body seared into my mind.
The princess’s angel glow flared in her eyes. “Yes, I can walk.”
She pushed past me, her body still trembling from the cold, and started down the steps.
I rushed to stay close so I could catch her if she fell.
“Just because you can’t return to Deaglan doesn’t mean you don’t want to,” she said.
Did she honestly think I wanted to go back to that monster?
A million responses popped into my mind, all dangerous to say out loud to a royal, and instinct shoved all of them deep down and kept my mouth closed. It was always better to not say anything. Yes, sometimes I was punished for that too, but speaking my mind had always been worse.
She reached a wider step and looked back at me. I jerked to a stop before I ran into her. We were so close. Another inch and our bodies would brush. And God, everything within me wanted that and more.
Except that was the bond… well, maybe not completely the bond. She was sexy and passionate and my soul said I could trust her. I hadn’t had sex with someone I’d been able to trust since I’d been killed and the Shadow King had bought me.
She captured my soul in the bright blue depths of her eyes, sending waves churning through my last hope of inner stillness, her expression questioning.
She was still waiting for an answer.
But did I dare speak my thoughts?
Just because she said I could, didn’t mean that was true.
My soul screamed at me. Just speak. Just say what I thought and felt. She wouldn’t judge me.
But if I said the wrong thing, I could ruin this. This was the closest I’d been to being free in five hundred years. I couldn’t afford to make her, Prince Seireadan, or any of his trusted men angry. There was just too much to lose.
My mental pond heaved, the storm raging inside me and a spark of hellfire escaped my control.
Her eyes narrowed and I watched the raw hope in her eyes shift to disappointment then harden into determination.
I’d taken too long to respond again.
“If you only believe one thing I say, believe this,” she said, “I’ll kill myself before I let you hand me over to Deaglan.” Which meant she’d kill me because of our soul bond. “I won’t let him get my key and I won’t let him get Faerie’s Heart.”
I knew she’d do it, too. I’d seen her in action and knew she’d sacrifice herself without hesitation to save lives. She’d healed the prince’s burns before she’d healed herself like a typical angel with strong healing magic. And anyone with half a brain knew that if the Shadow King got Faerie’s Heart, lives would be lost. Except I had no idea why she was telling me this.
“I know you’re a survivor and know you’ll do whatever it takes to stay alive.” Pain leaked into the determination in her eyes.
God, she was pitying me. But the moment I thought that, I realized the look wasn’t pity but understanding of the difficult choices I’d had to make, the stains I’d put on my soul for the sake of survival. Because that had been my only choice. With the king’s leash spell on me it had been impossible to escape or even kill myself.
Her angel glow flared and her determination returned. “No matter how much I want to trust you, I know you’ll say whatever you think I want to hear. Our bond might be driving me crazy with the need to sleep with you, but it hasn’t turned me into a fool, and I doubt it’s made you fall in love with me yet. So I want to be clear. Your odds of surviving this mess aren’t better with Deaglan.”
I already knew that. She didn’t need to threaten me.
So tell her. Say something.
“Yes, you’re free,” she continued. “You won’t be punished for saying or doing as you please, and once I reunite with the guys, you’re not obligated to help us, not even to get the Heart and your full freedom. But I want you to know that I’ll do whatever it takes to protect the men I love and all the lives in this realm.”
I know that. If it brings the Shadow King down I’ll help. My mouth and throat tightened with words I wanted to say, had to say, but couldn’t.
God just say them!
But a ghostly snap of the agony from the Shadow King’s leash spell sliced through me, reminding me of the cost of opening my mouth. I’d been foolish when I’d questioned his command to bite her at her wedding party, and after the party King Deaglan had seen to it to remind me of the cost of speaking up. I didn’t know why I’d slipped. I hadn’t slipped like that in a long time, but she’d been so weak, her life drained and if I’d taken too much I could have killed her, and there’d been— still was something about her that made me need to protect her.
And yet she said I was free. She was a healing angel for goodness sake. She wouldn’t hurt me.
“I—” Come on. Test her. Her reaction, even Prince Seireadan’s reaction, couldn’t possibly be worse than the Shadow King’s.
But God, I didn’t want to lose my chance to finally be free.
Just say it.
“I will be clear, too,” I forced out. “I will never have another master.” I snapped my mouth shut on the rest of my statement, that I’d kill myself and her, too, before I became anyone’s slave again. Saying that was too dangerous, especially if she told the prince and he thought I’d actually go through with it. He could cast a spell that could trap me just like the Shadow King had. It was bad enough I’d given her the same poorly veiled threat that she’d given me.
But her expression grew sad, and not angry as expected.
“You shouldn’t have had one in the first place.” She turned her back to me and resumed heading down the stairs. “No one should,” she murmured, talking again as if she had first hand knowledge of what it felt like.
More ghostly pain whispered through me, and I gritted my teeth, letting it swell through my mental pond and dissipate.
She released a frustrated huff, making me tense. “God, what Deaglan did to you makes me so angry.”
“Why?” Why would she care? She didn’t know me, didn’t know what I’d experienced, and just like our bond hadn’t made me fall in love with her yet, I doubted it had made her fall in love with me.
Another whisper of pain sliced through me and I fought to just let it pass. I didn’t know why it was acting up. It hadn’t been this bad when she’d first freed me. Of course, my body also hadn’t been burning for her when she’d first freed me, either.
“That’s why. I can feel your pain,” she said without looking back. “But even if I push past my magic’s resistance to connect with the undead, it’s still not something I can heal. Which is frustrating because I know how much you’re hurting and I can’t do anything about it.”