No. I extend my hand to her. She crawls over on her hands and knees then wraps her arms around me as we lie on the ground and look up at the stars.
“I wish you could talk to me... properly.” She trails soft kisses along my jaw and up to my ear while I trace my fingertips over her lips and feel her smile.
It’s all I want. If only there was a way to fix it.
CHAPTER SIX
This is wrong.
EMBER
two weeks later
THE FLASHBACKS START AS a halo of light disappearing into a fathomless void. For a brief, fleeting moment, my dreams whisk me away before I succumb to the peacefulness of night time slumber, but it’s torn from my grasp by nightmares that remind me I’m always one step away from the scourge of addiction. When I wake, I’m trembling and sweating, and my throat is dry. After rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I pull on my robe and make my way to the kitchen.
It’s just after 3am and I’m still trying to get the images out of my head.
My father with the belt in his hand. The pain of it making contact with my flesh. Tears sting my eyes as I remember the beatings and the drug induced sleep. My father was never a nurturer. He was controlling and possessive. By the time I was fourteen, my father was everything I hated and feared all rolled into one. It was the same year I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain.
My father not only encouraged my habit, he supported it, ensuring a never-ending supply of top shelf spirits, and common street drugs.
Now, I’m free from my father, but the decadent allure of addiction is always there, taunting me, testing me. Ensuring I will never be completely free from my past.
I’ve barely spoken to Steel since he left my apartment, and I can’t bring myself to tell him the truth. To tell him about the flashbacks, the abuse, the drugs, and the lives I saw ruined by the same addictions he has. So, I’ve done my best to avoid him, and it’s killing me. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met.
I take a sip from my mug of hot chocolate and sit at the counter pushing the thoughts of Steel out of my mind, and instead, wonder what Carter—my personal guard and driver—is doing right now. The poor guy is probably bored out of his mind walking back and forth outside my apartment all night.
I should invite him in for a coffee. I rap my nails on the countertop, thinking. I should go back to bed and try to get some sleep.
Something pulls me toward the door. Coffee it is.
I open the door a crack to see Carter leaning against the wall with his phone in his hand. His lip curls into a smile, then he shakes his head and taps the screen a few times. He lets out a heavy sigh and starts tapping again.
Watching him, I notice his rugged, chiselled features, and strong jaw line covered in dark stubble.
“Shit,” he murmurs under his breath.
My laugh catches him off guard, and when he looks up, he stares at me for the shortest second, then smiles. “Hey, are you okay?”
I nod as he slips his phone into his back pocket then runs a hand through his hair.
“Do you want to come in... for coffee?”
He looks up and down the hallway after checking his watch. “Sure. Coffee sounds good.”
I unlatch the chain and invite him in, leading him to the kitchen where he sits on a stool.
As I’m making his coffee, I ask, “Do you get bored?”
He shakes his head and leans an elbow on the counter. “Nah, there’s always something going on. People coming and going, arguments...” A silent pause. “Midnight rendezvous.”
I laugh. “Oh, so you get all the juicy gossip here at the Jade Apartments?”
Carter raises an eyebrow. “You could say that.”
I hand him the mug of coffee and sit beside him at the counter. “So... what’s the gossip tonight?”
He leans back on the stool and scratches at the stubble on his chin, my eyes are drawn to his fingers and the tattoos peeking out from below the cuff of his shirt and jacket.
I blink and shake my head, I’ve never asked him about them before, my mind has always been elsewhere. Mainly on Steel, but occasionally drifting to the hot-as-hell body guards I’m lucky enough to have at my beck and call.
I shake my head hard, but he catches me staring. “You like tattoos?”
The blush creeps into my cheeks. “I do, actually. Do they mean anything?”
He stands and shrugs off his jacket, then hangs it over the back of the stool before he unbuttons the cuff of his shirt and rolls the sleeves up to his elbows. When I see his strong, muscled forearms, I bite my lip.
Carter extends his arm. The grey and black barbed wire tattoo encircles his wrist. Above it, beautifully detailed roses surround a wolf’s head. I reach out to touch his arm, then pull away.
“It’s okay, you can touch them. It’s not a big deal.”
I run my finger over the tattoos. Of course, there’s nothing to feel, but I imagine tracing the soft petals of the delicate roses.
His finger touches mine as he traces the wolf’s head. “This one, the wolf, means appetite for freedom.”
As I gaze down at the wolf’s head and its detailed eyes, Carters breath caresses my cheek and I freeze. Something inside me quivers, a feeling of anxiety in the pit of my stomach I suddenly realise is desire. Not now. What’s going on?
I drop my hand by my side and keep my eyes focused on Carter’s arm where the rose stems and thorns swirl up toward his elbow. His fingers touch gently under my chin, and he lifts my head.
His stare is piercing, as if he’s looking into my mind, capturing my thoughts, and twisting them into sexually charged, erotic daydreams.
In a breathy whisper, he asks, “You okay?”
I nod. Overwhelmed by his closeness, tip toeing precariously into forbidden territory.
Autumn warned me about becoming involved with any of the security guards, drivers, or personal guards. She said they were all off limits. In my first week working at Fallon Worldwide, Steel and Flynn made a point of reminding the guards—in front of me—that I was also ‘off limits’.
I inhale, and with an exhale I step back and swallow the lump in my throat.
Without a word, Carter cups my cheek and steps forward, closing the gap between us. I’m in my pyjamas, and my hair’s a mess, but he doesn’t seem to care.
“We were... ah... talking about the gossip.”
He inches forward, his breath laced with the scent of coffee. “We were,” he whispers. “And now?”
“I... I ah. We can’t. The rules.”
He lets out a heavy sigh. “Fuck the rules, just kiss me.”
One second of hesitation disappears as our lips clash. His tongue glides over my bottom lip and into my mouth. He tastes divine and smells like forbidden lust. As I kiss him back, my hands find his biceps and I squeeze.
His muscles tense beneath my touch, and his hand glides up my back until his fingers tangle through my hair and he brings me closer. Kisses trail across my cheek, down to my jaw, then back to my neck before he nibbles at my ear, breathing heavily. He rasps, “I’ve waited so long for this.”
He has?
Strong hands glide down my waist. He picks me up and pulls my legs around him as he carries me to my bedroom. I want this. I do... Don’t I? My thoughts are a mess.
In my bedroom, Carter lays me on my bed, then unbuttons his shirt. My eyes are glued to his chest where tattooed feathered wings extend from shoulder to shoulder. Around his neck there’s another barbed wire tattoo, and both his arms are covered in black swirls, roses, and wolves.