I whimper, and Mack growls, but when my father glares down at him he drops to the ground.
My father whispers against my cheek, “Time to get you cleaned up my sweet, sweet daughter.”
I struggle to hold back the overwhelming urge to vomit. When I was younger I couldn’t stop it, now I’ve taught myself to swallow it back down no matter what the cost.
As my father bolts the chain to the wire fence at the back of the house, he watches me like a predator stalking its prey. When he turns on the hose and the icy water assaults my already freezing body, I hold still and clamp my eyes shut while my heart pounds like a jackhammer. My thoughts rush out of control and haunting whispers of a better place, a better life, linger in the back of my mind while my body is dragged into fathomless, crippling pools of hopelessness once again.
CHAPTER TWO
Constant craving.
STEEL
present day
IN THE MIDST OF the high, I am indestructible—nothing can touch me. I’ve found forgiveness and virtue and hope entwined with faith. I cling to those moments with an iron grasp, seeking the allure of freedom. It doesn’t last long, though, and the crash that comes afterwards is something I’ll never get used to.
Since the day I was cursed, I’ve been caught in a labyrinth of dead ends. Seeking solace in addiction while trying in vain to ignore the cravings. I fight against it, desperate to escape the void, clawing my way out of the abyss, only to find my shadow beckoning. Tempting whispers remind me I will never be free, I will carry this curse forever.
Indya, the harpie who cursed me with addiction and craving, nudges me with her elbow and hands me another cigarette, my tenth in two hours. I hold it between my thumb and forefinger and take a long, slow drag. When I blow out the smoke, I lean back against the chimney and look up at the stars.
Indya takes a swig from the bottle of whiskey between us. “She fucked it all up you know.”
She’s talking about Venys and her obsession with Flynn and Autumn. It’s consumed her. Venys has been around more in the past six months than she has ever been. The sex is out of control. The back seat of the car, the desk at work, the elevator, kitchen table—nothing is off limits. I doubt there’s a surface in our house that has not had the pleasure of meeting Autumn’s ass.
“Flynn’s finally free, more than he was at least. He deserves it, he hated the promiscuity.”
Indya takes a puff of her cigarette and waves a hand in the air. “Yeah... right, because being a nymphomaniac is sooo much better. You know how many times I’ve seen Flynn’s cock in the past six months?”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. The truth is, Indya would stare at Flynn’s cock all day if she had the chance. She just refuses to admit it.
“He’s waving it around like he’s a god.”
“As long as he’s happy, I don’t care.”
She laughs. “Liar. You’re the third wheel. Following Flynn around like a lost puppy pining for its master.”
I snatch the bottle of whiskey from her and take a mouthful. She’s probably right. Flynn and I are the closest of all our brothers, and now that he’s with—or inside—Autumn almost twenty-four-seven, we rarely hang out and when we do, he’s so focused on her he barely notices the world around him. Though much of it is Venys’ fault, since she now controls them both.
Indya digs into the pocket of her tight leather pants and pulls out a vial of shiny, purple pills. “These are new, let’s try them.”
I take the vial and tip the contents into my palm. On one side of the round pill there’s a tiny imprint of a pentacle. “What are they?”
She shrugs. “Not sure, some kind of hallucinogen.”
I narrow my eyes, sceptical. “You know I don’t trust you, right?”
Indya rolls her eyes. “Remember Lyra, the witch? She said they’re totally safe... if you’re not mortal.”
“Totally safe? Ah, huh.”
She pats my thigh. “Take them, or I’ll make you.”
I swallow two pills and close my eyes, waiting for something to happen. After a few short seconds, a flash of light pierces through the darkness and sends me spiralling upwards into a kaleidoscopic supernova. Metallic shards of silver light shatter against the backdrop of a Cimmerian sky and surround me in a glittering inferno where time and space no longer exist.
Indya flashes past me. Trails of purple comets follow her as she twists and turns in the sky, weightless, free, and laughing so loud my ears ring.
I reach out to her, but my hand—now transparent—passes through her shimmering form and catches one of the metallic shards. In it, I see my reflection, distorted, unfamiliar.
The eyes though are unmistakably mine.
As I float through the haunting, oneiric darkness above Ambrosia Valley, the faces of those I’ve loved and lost come into view. Laughter collides with screams of despair. Voices of anguish incite callous words and long forgotten memories of the past. In the distance, clouds roll toward me, a churning sea of nameless faces.
Without warning my wings unfurl and extend. A flash of purple, followed by the rustle of long, thick feathers. I’m carried higher until I reach the boundary between the Kingdom of Heaven and the mortal earth where my angel, Maple, hovers before me surrounded by an aura in hues of mauve, purple, and fuchsia.
She extends her hand, in it is a vial of sparkling blue liquid. “Drink this.”
When I reach out, my hand is slapped away by Indya’s. She grips my wrist and pulls me down until I’m tumbling toward the earth. Maple begs me to come back, but her voice fades into the heavenly sky, and is replaced with Indya’s. “Do you feel it?”
“Feel it?” I repeat.
“It’s working.” She extends her arms. “Look around, you’re free.”
My eyes scan the horizon. Silence falls upon the earth as a blanket of pulsating light hovers below my bare feet. Orbs dance around me, each one bursting with colour and life.
A shooting star flies past, I follow it, plummeting through the atmosphere and toward the earth I am bound to by a curse I cannot escape. I spin, I fall, and finally, I hit the ground with a resounding thud.
I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII
“Damn it, Indya. What was that?” My wings are splayed beneath me, my feathers dishevelled, bent, and broken. I prop myself up on my elbows and shake my head. When the dizziness subsides I ask again, “What was it?”
She laughs, then shrugs. “Dunno, Lyra said something about mushrooms, and weeds and shit. You know what those witches are like, everything’s so damn secretive.”
I get to my knees and scrub my hands down my face. My arms are tingling and my head feels like it’s about to explode.
Indya extends her hand. She pulls me to my feet and I sway slightly before I catch my balance.
“Put your damn wings away.” She hands me the half empty bottle of whiskey.
I take a mouthful and swish it, then spit it out before taking another swig from the bottle. When I try to fold my wings, there’s a crack. Pain shoots through my shoulder and down my spine.
“Fuck! I guess we’re walking.”
Indya shakes her head and snatches the bottle from me. “Ah, ah, I’m not walking. You’re on your own.”