Doing her best to shake herself from her poor-me attitude, she climbed from the passenger seat and stood up, making sure to move a couple of feet away from Kian. Standing too close to him was like looking directly at the sun, and she feared her skin and eyes would be seared before too long.
After she was safely out of the vehicle, he moved to the back door and carefully undid Lily from her brand-new booster seat, then lifted her into his arms. She cuddled against him, and a look of awe settled over his features. He was already far too attached to Lily, and that was more terrifying than anything else to Roxie. She felt as if she was losing her a little more as each day passed.
“Come on,” Kian said as he moved forward. Roxie didn’t look at him again to try to decide how he was feeling. She felt as much a victim as he did. He’d slept with her sister and created a child. Both of them had kept that from her. She could forgive her sister since she’d made a mistake, but could she ever forgive Kian? She didn’t think so. It was either that, or she just didn’t want to face how he made her feel.
“Welcome home,” a voice called as they stepped into a large kitchen.
Though Roxie had been nervous to see Kian’s brothers, the moment she looked up and saw the pleasure on their faces, she couldn’t help but give an answering grin. She’d always loved Kian’s family, even if she had wanted to avoid them after what she’d done.
“Roxie, it’s so good to see you. We wanted to come to the hospital, but Kian asked us to wait,” Owen said as he took a few strides in her direction.
Before she had even a moment to say a word, he pulled her into his arms, her feet leaving the ground as he cut the air right out of her lungs in a bear hug that had her squeaking as she tried to breathe.
“Sorry,” he said as he released her.
“I guess you forgot your own strength,” she said, almost feeling as if she’d just run a marathon.
“Yeah, and I missed you,” he said with a sheepish smile that had her heart leaping. He might be a beast of a man with shoulders almost too wide to fit through standard doorways, but he’d always been a giant teddy bear. She might even admit, if only in her head, that he was her favorite sibling of Kian’s. Those shoulders were perfect, too, since he was a fireman who absolutely loved his job.
“I missed you, too,” she admitted, her cheeks reddening just a little.
“What about me?” Arden asked with his own tamped-down grin as he approached next and hugged her with less force, but still hard enough to constrict her lungs.
“Yes, of course, Arden. It’s great to see you,” she assured him. Seeing these wonderful men was helping her push back the unbearable grief she’d been feeling for weeks. He smiled at her before flicking her hair away from her face. She shifted on her feet as she looked over at Declan.
Declan rarely wore any emotion on his face, and he’d been the hardest of Kian’s siblings to get to know, and, if truth be told, he intimidated her a little. He’d never been anything other than kind to her, but there was an edge to him that kept her feeling as if she should confess every secret she had while holding out her hands so he could arrest her.
He stepped forward and gave her a light hug, quickly pulling back, and Roxie didn’t quite know what to say.
“Um . . . good to see you, Declan,” she said awkwardly.
“I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances,” Arden told her. And just like that, the pain was at the front of her mind. She flinched.
“We decided not to speak about that,” Declan said with a growl.
“I’d rather not,” Roxie admitted.
“Then we won’t.” They all turned and looked at Kian, who held Lily tightly against him. He hadn’t said anything so far at this family reunion, but he finally sighed.
“How did you keep Mom and Dad from coming here?” Kian asked.
“We didn’t want to overwhelm Roxie and Lily right when they’re getting home from the hospital,” Owen said.
“And you three being here isn’t overwhelming?” Kian said with a raised brow.
“Okay, we didn’t tell them you were coming home right now,” Arden admitted.
“That’s what I thought,” Kian said. Roxie had a feeling he was going to catch hell for that one.
“Why don’t you tell us what you’ve been doing since you’ve been gone?” Owen said as he tried to switch the subject. Roxie was grateful.
“She’s been living in Portland,” Declan said quietly.
Her gaze locked with his as his brothers turned and looked at him, all of them looking confused. Roxie didn’t know what to think of Declan knowing exactly where she’d been. Intimidated would be a good first word, she thought.
“How in the hell do you know that?” Kian asked, glaring at his brother.
“I like to know things,” Declan said with a shrug. Yep, he still intimidated her, she decided.
“Maybe you should mind your own business,” Kian grumbled. Roxie had a feeling the brothers would be talking more later when she wasn’t in hearing range. She kind of wished she could be a fly on the wall for that conversation.
“Never going to happen,” Declan assured his sibling.
“We can gossip later. It looks like Lily needs a warm bed,” Owen said, always the first of the brothers to break up tension. It was odd how nothing at all had changed in the four years since Roxie had left.
“I really could use some rest as well,” Roxie said, hoping they’d allow her to escape.
Instant remorse flashed across all the brothers’ faces, even Declan’s, which surprised her.
“I’m really sorry,” Owen said. The brothers instinctively moved a few inches closer to her, as if forming a protective circle.
Roxie’s throat suddenly closed up, and she found herself incapable of speaking. This had to have been the worst couple of weeks of her life, and before this had happened, she would have thought leaving Kian had been the hardest. It wasn’t going to get any easier, no matter how much time passed.
Kian moved closer to her side, and instead of feeling uncomfortable, she suddenly wanted to lean against him. He always had managed to carry her burdens for her. But wasn’t that one of the things that had made her lose her identity in the first place? It was odd how easy it was to want that again.
The sympathy flashing across his face was too much for her, though. She didn’t want to keep seeing that expression in everyone’s eyes. She didn’t want them feeling sorry for her. That wasn’t going to help her process her grief.
“I’m going to be fine, but I really just need to be able to take care of Lily, and I can’t do that if I keep dwelling on the loss of my sister,” she assured the men circling her.
“It really is okay to take a little bit of time for yourself to grieve and pull yourself together so you can be strong for Lily,” Kian assured her.
Arden moved over to a liquor cabinet and poured a stiff drink, then brought it over to her. She automatically took it when he held it out, then stood there not knowing what to do.
“Just drink it. You’ll feel much better,” he assured her.
She looked at Owen, who nodded. “You will, I promise,” he quietly said.
Roxie didn’t have the will to fight all of them, so she lifted the glass and actually enjoyed the sensation of the burn as the fine alcohol slid down her throat.