“How do you know Lily?” she asked.
Kian was quiet for several moments, and Roxie’s heart raced so out of control, she didn’t know what to do or say or think. She was close to falling apart, and if Lily didn’t need her to be strong, she feared that’s exactly what would happen.
Finally, he sighed. All the noise around them seemed to freeze. “I was in the ER with her tonight,” he told her. There was more; she could feel it.
“And?” she questioned. She was rubbing her niece’s back, trying not to throw up.
“I didn’t know . . .” His voice trailed off.
Roxie’s stomach heaved as she put together what she didn’t want to. She’d only been gone from town a couple of months when Pamela had gotten pregnant with Lily. This couldn’t be real. As he sat back down and reached for Lily’s free hand, she somehow didn’t need words to tell her what he needed to say.
Roxie felt as if she was going to faint. She knew she had to be stronger than this, especially right now. But in this moment, she wasn’t sure there was much more she could take. This night had gone from tragic to unbelievable. Her world truly was spinning now. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to stop it.
Chapter Three
Although Kian had never actually been hit in the face with a sledgehammer, that was the only equivalent he could think of to describe how he felt at this particular moment. It felt as if someone had come along and slammed a thick wedge of iron in his face, and now he was still reeling from it.
His chest hurt, his body ached, and his face was tingling. He felt a mixture of sadness, regret, and disbelief, but mostly red-hot rage. This woman, this person before him, had been the only girl he’d ever given his heart to. And she had taken that gift, smashed it on the ground, and thrown it back in his face.
His fingers twitched as he remembered the feel of the diamond he’d carried around in his pocket for months as he tried to come up with the perfect proposal. He’d known without the shadow of a doubt he’d make her his wife.
And then she’d disappeared.
At first, Kian had panicked. Something surely had happened to her. She wouldn’t have left on her own. They were happy, in love, had the rest of their lives before them.
But, too quickly, he’d discovered the truth. After years of friendship and two years of dating, she’d left a note that simply read: I can’t do this anymore. Please let me go. Roxie.
That was it. There had been no other explanation, no words to tell him what had gone wrong. Kian’s first reaction to that note had been to hunt her down and force an explanation out of her. But then he’d found his pride, and he was furious.
“After our breakup, I made some bad decisions,” he admitted. He didn’t know why he was bothering to tell her this. “I drank a lot, partied even more, and yeah, I didn’t care which women I was with. I just wanted to forget you.”
He refused to allow himself to feel bad when she flinched. She’d been the one to leave him, not the other way around. If that wasn’t something she wanted to hear, then too bad.
“I don’t need to know any of this,” Roxie said in an emotionally charged tone.
“I wasn’t going to ever trust anyone again after what you’d done to me.” He’d been smart to feel that way. And now he wasn’t sure how he was feeling.
There were so many emotions filling Kian, he didn’t know which to focus on. There was a sense of urgency to grab his child, to make sure Roxie knew Lily was his and that he wouldn’t lose another moment in her life. But there was a need to protect Roxie as well.
She’d left him, and it had nearly destroyed him. Kian in no way thought of himself as a weak man. He was strong and capable, and this small woman had done her best to drop him to his knees. And yet he still couldn’t turn away even now, not when she was in pain.
“Maybe you need to realize what your exit did to the people around you,” he pointed out. “And maybe it’s just that I never really knew you at all, because the girl I’d been in love with wouldn’t have been capable of leaving like you did, wouldn’t be capable of such a coldhearted act.”
Finally, Roxie looked up at him, and there was now fire in her eyes. Kian felt an urge to take a step back, but there was no way he was going to retreat. She’d pushed him back enough in the past four years. If anyone was going to retreat, it would be her, he thought.
Though he had tried to push her from his mind, he hadn’t been very successful. Every woman he’d dated, every night he’d laid his head down to sleep, every time he’d listened to classic country and “I Love the Way You Love Me” by John Michael Montgomery came on the radio, he was reminded of Roxie. She’d consumed him for years, and she’d continued doing so even after she was gone.
He hated her a little for that. He hated himself even more. Before Roxie, he’d always thought men who couldn’t get over a relationship were a little pathetic. Sometimes things just weren’t meant to be. Endings shouldn’t be what defined a person.
“You were with Pamela,” Roxie said, her voice filled with accusation. There was so much hurt and rage in her tone, he didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t owe Roxie a damn thing, but he found himself wanting to explain the situation to her. He shifted as he fought the urge—and lost.
“I was with her one time. I went to a bar with friends. She was there, and she made it clear she wanted to go home with me. I was drunk and she was available,” he said as he shrugged, trying to act as if it didn’t matter.
“I would have thought you’d at least use protection,” she said.
“I always use protection. Obviously, it fails sometimes,” he snapped. “This isn’t a discussion we should be having in front of Lily,” he added.
“She’s only three, and even if she was awake, she wouldn’t understand what we’re talking about,” she pointed out.
“You have no right to be mad. You left me,” he reminded her.
“I’m not mad at you,” she snapped. He watched as she closed her eyes and took a few calming breaths. He knew that was exactly what he should be doing as well. Snapping at each other wasn’t solving any of their problems.
“Fate can be cruel,” he said with a humorless laugh. “It looks like the two of us are now locked together for the rest of our lives.”
There were equal parts of joy and apprehension at the thought of raising Lily with Roxie, which appeared to be what Pamela wanted for their child. At one point in his life, that was the ultimate dream, to raise children with Roxie. But then she’d left. And Kian hadn’t truly had time for all this to sink in, and it would probably be far safer for the two of them if they both calmed down before saying some things that couldn’t be taken back. He certainly didn’t want Lily to see him as a monster.
What had she already been through? What kind of life had she led? He could’ve given her the world, and would have, if her mother would’ve only told him he was a father.
“We aren’t doing anything together, Kian,” Roxie was quick to point out, which made him angry all over again.
“You’re not paying attention, Roxie,” he said, not in the mood to stroke her ego. There was something deep down that made him still want to protect her, but he pushed that aside. “Maybe all your family knows is how to play games, how to deceive men. Maybe your sister loved holding one over on one of the Forbeses. I know there are many who are jealous of my family, thinking we hold too much power. But you used to know me better than any other person on this planet. You knew I never wanted to take advantage of my family name, that I wanted to make it on my own.”