Kian didn’t want to admit she was right, not at all, but he knew Pamela wasn’t savable, not with her injuries. They were pumping her heart, but she was already gone. He had to shake off the almost-inconsolable grief and try to save her unborn child.
The focus in the trauma bay changed immediately as they prepped for an emergency C-section. Kian placed the scalpel to Pamela’s belly and made an incision that he could have done with his eyes closed. Intently focused, he reached in and pulled out a lifeless newborn. The background noise of the trauma bay seemed to dim to a hush. Kian placed the baby on the table and attempted futile resuscitation for what seemed like an eternity.
Pamela lay still on the stretcher, her eyes shut, and Kian cradled her three-pound infant in his arms for just a moment before laying her against Pam’s chest, both of them completely motionless.
“Please cover them,” Kian said as he turned away. Nurse Ridgley quickly did as he asked. This was the part of his job he couldn’t stand. It didn’t matter how many times he lost a patient, even if that patient hadn’t started out as his, he would always question himself, always wonder if there was more he could have done. And in this case, he had a feeling he’d be doing a lot of soul-searching, and hitting the books on any procedure that could have saved this family—his possible family. He looked over to where his only surviving patient lay still on her stretcher. The detectives had confirmed that the child’s name was indeed Lily, and said they’d called her only surviving relative—her aunt, Roxie.
In the past few minutes, he’d heard her name twice. Once from Pam’s lips and once from the detectives. It had sent a pang through him both times. Roxie. The only woman he’d ever loved. And now he’d see her again. He wasn’t ready for any of this. So, he shook his head and pushed her from his mind.
Though he wanted to run and hide, wanted to think Pamela’s last words had been delivered in a delirious uttering of nonsensical sentences, as he gazed at the young girl, he knew she was his. He just didn’t know how to process that, or how to understand what he was going to do about it. For now, though, he knew he had to help her, had to be at her side.
Finally, he moved, stepping up to the stretcher as he ran his fingers through her soft brown hair. She was still as he held in the tears desperately wanting to escape in a show of the powerful emotion he was feeling.
“Lily, I’m so sorry,” he softly whispered.
Kian was startled when her eyes flew open. She’d been given enough meds to keep her asleep for a long while, but obviously she had the endurance of her mother and aunt. Her injuries could have easily taken her life. He had always loved a fighter.
Kian reached for her small fingers, and she grasped on to him and held on tightly. Her grip made him happy. He didn’t know how to tell this child what had occurred on this horrible night. He didn’t want to be the one to utter those fateful words. Where in the hell was the social worker?
“We need to get you to your room so you’ll start feeling better,” Kian said quietly as he raised his free hand and again pushed back her delicate brown hair. She blinked at him but didn’t say anything.
Kian tried pulling his hand from Lily’s, but she let out a heartbreaking sob and held on tighter, her eyes growing wider. His heart stopped beating at the pain of that sound.
“Dr. Forbes, we need to move her now,” his favorite nurse, Stephanie, said.
“I’ll go with her,” he told the nurse. She nodded and smiled. The entire staff knew his job meant more to him than stitching someone up and forgetting them. He’d have moved a lot farther up the evolutionary chain of medicine if that had been his main focus. But Kian didn’t have to worry about that. He wasn’t interested in titles.
Carefully easing himself onto the edge of the bed, he kept his hand entwined in Lily’s, and the nurse pushed the stretcher out of the surgical suite and down the hall to the elevators. Lily didn’t take her eyes off him until they came into the children’s ICU.
Lily still didn’t let him go as she was transferred to a bed and set up for the night. Someone offered to take Kian’s place, but when Lily whimpered again, Kian knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
She was his daughter. The thought was both terrifying and humbling. She was his daughter, and he’d already lost three precious years with her. He was too broken in this moment to feel anger over the situation. All he felt was a heartbreaking sorrow that he wasn’t sure would ever go away.
“Lily,” he whispered as he finally allowed a tear to escape his burning eye. One fell, and then he firmed his face, never looking away from his sleeping daughter. He wasn’t a weak man and wouldn’t allow himself to break now. This child needed him. She needed him and Roxie. He just wasn’t sure how well that was going to go for either of them.
A lot had happened, and it seemed that before this night was over, a storm would brew and burst open. He might need to rest before Roxie Gilbert walked back into his life. He wondered if she was aware of what had happened, of the fact that Lily was his daughter. He somehow doubted it.
Kian laid his head down on the bed next to hers, his fingers still lightly clasped in her small hand, and he closed his eyes. He blanked his mind of all thoughts, something he’d learned to do when he’d only been able to manage two-hour naps after thirty-six hours straight of school and work. He couldn’t do his best if he couldn’t refresh his body. Hopefully when he woke, this would have all been nothing but a nightmare.
It was a thought that put a small smile on his lips as he drifted to sleep beside his daughter.
Chapter Two
No one ever wants to receive the call that Roxie Gilbert had. A far-too-efficient nurse had told Roxie that her sister had been admitted with life-threatening injuries and then wasn’t saying anything more.
Roxie was well aware of this routine, as she’d been a nurse for the past six years. They weren’t telling her anything because they needed a doctor to pass along the information. She was left with no choice but to pace the worn floor as she waited for answers. She was left with nothing to do but think of the past.
Roxie had run away from her small town of Edmonds to Portland four years ago—she’d run from her sister and from a life she’d once thought she’d wanted. She’d run from Kian Forbes. What had she done? What kind of person fled her only family? Roxie was afraid she’d never again be able to look at herself in the mirror, with all the guilt flooding through her.
Tears continued to flow as she fought down nausea, fatigue, and anguish too great to describe. So, she paced and she waited.
“Ms. Gilbert?” A doctor was standing in the doorway to the waiting room, his face not necessarily giving anything away, but she could see the detachment in his eyes. He was going to tell her something she didn’t want to hear. He was preparing for her to fall apart.
She knew that look all too well. She’d carried that same message in her own eyes. It couldn’t be too late. She couldn’t have messed up so badly in her life that she wouldn’t have a chance to make things right with her only sibling, her only family.
“Yes,” she said. Slowly, she moved up to the doctor. Her entire body was trembling. This couldn’t be happening. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to run away again, something she was good at, wanted to deny what she was about to hear.