We quickly place our order with the young waitress, and get back to talking. I try not to seem surprised when Sean orders a plain pizza rather than one of the fancy pasta dishes that I was expecting, but I cannot help but raise my eyebrows regardless. He laughs happily at my reaction, seeming to sense that he’s blowing me away, which makes me a little humiliated. I’m supposed to be the con artist here, I’m supposed to be the one tricking this man – I don't want him to see through me at all. That’s the opposite of what I need.
“So,” he leans back in his chair, eyeing me curiously. “Tell me about yourself.”
This is a question that I’m used to, one that I have a prepared answer for, so I start to run off the usual spiel without even thinking.
“Oh, I grew up in California on the beach with my parents, but as soon as I left school I wanted to live in the city to try somewhere new.” There is a bored tone to my voice because the lie that once defined me now sounds hollow even to my ears. “I didn’t have many good friends back there, girls never really... connected with me, so I decided to start over...”
“Bullshit,” he calls, almost laughing at me. “I don't believe a word of that.”
“What?” I gasp in shock. I’m so good at telling this story now that I can’t even begin to figure out what he means. “What are you on about?”
“You’re lying,” he confirms. “You didn’t grow up in Cali – everything you just said was bullshit.”
“I can tell from your body language,” he shrugs dismissively. “I’m an expert in reading people.” My blood runs cold as he stares so intently at me that I feel like he can see into my soul. “I can tell from the way that you maintained too much eye contact, from the way that you shifted in your seat, and from the way that your mouth is disconnected from your emotions as you spoke.”
My heart pounds heavily against my chest as I watch him. I’m a damn good liar, that’s how I’ve built up my career, and I’ve never had anyone see so easily through me. Is this because my heart is no longer in my story? Do I need to come up with another one?
“Tell me the truth,” he asks, with a seriousness to his tone. “I think that I deserve that much.”
Does he? Can I call him out on that? Somehow I sense that there’s no point in covering it all up anymore, and that I might as well be honest. If I can just tell him some truths about me, then maybe he will begin to trust me once more. My past isn’t too important anyway, it doesn’t fully give away who I am.
“Fine,” I sigh sadly. “I don't normally like to tell this story because it hurts me, but you’re right, you do deserve this.” I might as well flatter him a bit in the process. “I grew up just outside of the city with my alcoholic father and a mother that was too scared to stand up to him.” Emotion chokes me, but I continue speaking regardless. “I have a younger sister who desperately wants to be a doctor, and I always intended to help her with that.” My mouth runs dry as I realize how little I want to say this part. “Which is how I got involved with a man named Derek.”
Derek – the man who has dictated everything about my life for too damn long.
Derek Moss was my first love, the man I would have done anything for. I met him in the local supermarket just as I was on my last few days of school, wondering what the hell I was going to do with my life afterwards. He started speaking to me in the vegetable aisle, and I had fallen for him within minutes. Admittedly I was naive and stupid, young and silly to fall for the dark and mysterious older boy who had a car, but I couldn't help it. No one had ever paid me any attention before and I lapped it up right away.
Before Derek, I only really spent time with the boys I went to school with, and they could only see me as the gawky girl I’d been through my awkward puberty stage. This guy seemed to want me, to adore me, and I fell hard and fast. He was an escape from my crappy life, which only increased tenfold when he offered me what sounded like an amazing job at his company. I believed that I could bring my family out of their pit, that I could give my sister what she needed to have her own life, and that I could find my own happiness along the way.
How dumb – no one ever gets rich and happy that quickly, it just doesn’t happen. If only I’d seen that.
I started work as a door to door salesperson, increasing my confidence every single day, and earning money to help me and my sister have a life in the future. I sold all kinds of things on the promise that the items would be posted as soon as payment was processed. What I didn’t realize was that it was all a con, and that there were no items, there was nothing to sell, and that every dodgy penny I earned was about to be stolen by the man I thought I loved. I was unwittingly in the con, and then I was conned myself.
When he vanished with everything, I fell apart. I lost everything about myself to the heartbreak, and I became very depressed. I got sucked into a deep back hole that it was very difficult to come out of, but by the time I did I felt like I had a new plan forming in my mind – a much better one. I had learned a lot of conning tricks from Derek, which I could use to get myself financial stable enough to find him. And once I found him I would make him pay.
“I loved him,” I admit to Sean, looking down at my feet. “But he betrayed me, and more than that he stole from me – all the money I’d saved up to put my sister through college.” A tear pricks my eye and the emotion becomes a little too much for me.
“That’s awful,” Sean gasps in shock, even though he’s only heard a small portion of the story. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“Yeah, so I moved here to earn more money, to try and make that dream come true for her anyway, and I also want to find Derek.”
I have never told anyone that before, so it’s shocking even to me that I’m being so honest. There is just something about Sean that has me feeling comfortable enough to open up – and that never happens. Even with Derek I was guarded, I kept stuff in, wanting to keep the true version of me hidden. I’ve never felt good enough for anyone before, yet somehow with the guy I barely know, I kind of do...
“To confront him?” Sean asks, pursing his lips, and I nod quickly, feeling a little embarrassed about my crazy revenge fantasies. “Do you have a picture of him?”
“Why?” I ask cautiously.
“Because I’m developing a facial recognition program and could track him down for you if you like?” He looks at me curiously, which sends a cold shiver racing right through me. “I mean, I’m not advocating that you should go in there with guns blazing, but at the same time if you want to find this douchebag and get your money back, then I can help you do that.”
I don't think that I’ll ever get my money back, but his intrigue is amazing to me. He seems genuinely interested in me and my plight, which is the only thing that has me leaning into my bag and pulling out my phone which contains the one photograph I have of him. When he disappeared, I got rid of every sign of him from my life, except for this one picture of his face, just to remind me that I should get revenge.
“Send it to me,” he commands as I show him. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I text the photograph to him with trembling fingers, wondering what I’m about to unleash. I have to admit that I’m really excited having never gotten this close to Derek before, but I’m nervous too because I don't know where this is going to lead. I also don't know what I’m going to do afterwards. This mission has been my life for so long that I honestly don't know where my life will go afterwards. I honestly haven’t really thought about it.