I let the flowers fall to my side, not only because my body suddenly felt numb, but because I realized the devastated woman in front of me was right.
It didn’t matter how many times I told Remy Archer that I saw her as a little sister. I swore to her that I considered her my closest friend, and I would never jeopardize the rock-solid relationship we’d had since we were kids by adding anything romantic or sexual to the mix. She insisted we were meant to be together. The girl had loved me with her entire being since the beginning, and there was no convincing her that we weren’t meant to be. In Remy’s mind, she saw our fate written in the stars, and I was just a stupid boy who was standing in the dark.
Sure, I loved her. She was honestly the most loveable person I’d ever encountered in my short life. But I loved her like she was part of my family. I’d lost count of the number of times I’d hurt her, rejected her, disappointed her, and not managed to live up to the heroic, nearly perfect image of me she had in her mind. I would never be as great as she believed me to be. So, I never even tried. I was the one holding Remy back. I was the one standing in her way. She was always going to wait for me, wasting her time and energy on something, on someone, who was never going to live up to her expectations and grandiose ideals.
I was just a normal guy. There was nothing overly special or impressive about me.
Remy was anything but normal. Everything about her was special. She was magnetic and charismatic. She was bubbly and bright. Wherever she went, chaos and excitement followed. People either loved her or hated her with equal passion. She was polarizing without trying to be. People were drawn to her.
Physically, I towered over Remy, but somehow it seemed I always ended up in her shadow. She lived to be the center of attention, and I could throw up at the thought of having all eyes on me for any length of time. It was easier to screw up and make mistakes when someone was watching your every move. Remy didn’t care about those kinds of things, but the idea of failure in front of an audience made my skin feel too tight and turned my stomach inside out.
Remy’s mom sighed heavily and reached out to pat me on the arm. Cora Archer was very petite, but her small stature didn’t stop her from coming across as larger than life. She was scarier than Remy and Zowen’s dad, who was nearly as big and burly as my own father. I had inherited the height gene, but I was definitely missing the bulk that the grown men in my life tended to have. I was only twenty, so there was still time to catch up and be considered a giant like my dad.
Cora squeezed my arm and gave me a serious look. “I’m not blaming what Remy did on you, Hyde. I’m asking you to help me save my daughter.” Her fingers dug into my arm in an almost painful way, and I watched as pure desperation filled her two-toned gaze. “If anyone is to blame for things getting this far with her, it’s me. We’re too much alike. I should’ve seen that the way she feels about you is unhealthy and dangerous. It was cute when you were young, and she tried to steal kisses and your toys so you would pay attention to her. It’s something else altogether now that you’re both older, and you’ve clearly told her you don’t share her feelings.” The blonde woman sighed heavily and blinked back tears. “The sleeping pills she took were mine. Her dad got hurt really bad when I was pregnant with her, and I still have nightmares and anxiety from what happened that day. I shouldn’t have been so careless with them, or with Remy’s mental health. I was the same way when I was young. I know all the signs better than anyone. I also lost my mind over a boy, and nearly lost myself as well. If my father hadn’t gotten me on the right path, I very well could’ve ended up just like my daughter. I should’ve seen that Remy was caught in the same kind of scary spiral. If I lost her…” Her voice trailed off and got husky. She shook her head slightly and squeezed my arm again. This time it was hard enough it actually hurt. Cora Archer would never knowingly hurt anyone, so I could tell just how close to the edge she was. I didn’t ask her to loosen her grip or remove her hand because no matter what she said, I knew I had a hand in Remy ending up in that hospital bed. “I’m not even going to think about what would’ve happened if Zowen hadn’t been there. I’m not going to worry about what will happen when she finds out that I asked you to leave. She’s going to hate me. If she finds out that I’m begging you to get out of her life before it’s too late, I don’t think she’ll ever be able to forgive me.” It went unspoken that if Remy figured out what her mother was asking me to do right now, it could very easily trigger another extreme reaction. There was no telling if Remy would be able to survive another attempt on her life.
She wouldn’t forgive either of us if I left without a goodbye. She would be furious I left and angry her mother didn’t try to stop me.
Remy was stubborn and hated when anyone told her how to live her life or tell her what was best for her. When she had her mind set to something, there was very little that could change it. She was only eighteen, but sometimes acted like she was fully grown and had lived a lifetime’s worth of experiences. She was sure she was right, even when she was doing something she knew was very wrong.
I lifted the flowers and handed them to Cora Archer. I dragged my other hand down my face and gave myself a mental shake. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been wrestling with myself over the next steps in my life anyway. In fact, the reason Remy had resorted to such drastic measures was because I told her I was thinking about enlisting in the military. It was the one place she knew she couldn’t follow me, so she immediately hated the idea. It was the one option that was bound to separate us. I wasn’t considering it to get away from her, exactly. I was just trying to escape all the expectations coming at me constantly from everyone who loved me the most. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and I was bound to let someone down whatever route I decided to take.
My mom wanted me to go to college and focus on finding a suitable career. My dad wanted me to learn his contracting business from the ground up. And Remy wanted me to be her everything. She never made that a secret, but I couldn’t do that.
I knew I wasn’t cut out for college life or summers under the sun doing manual labor. I’d yet to find that elusive thing that sparked excitement and joy within me. It seemed like everyone around me had their life’s calling all figured out, and I was just clueless. I wouldn’t have felt like such a failure if I wasn’t surrounded by people who actually figured out how to follow their dreams. Everyone with the last name Archer was included in that group. It was grating to have kids several years younger than me already on the path to happiness and fulfillment. And now, my indecision and lack of drive had hurt someone else deeply. Because I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be, I’d driven Remy to the brink of how much rejection she could handle. I thought her resilience and determination was endless. That there was no end to her devotion to me.
I was wrong.
I knew she was upset after we talked and didn’t want to hear I might be leaving her behind for a significant amount of time. I knew when I told her we needed space, that both of us needed time to grow up and figure our lives out, she’d been hurt. In her mind, everything we needed to know, we were supposed to learn together. However, I should’ve known that when I told her I wanted the chance to meet someone else, it was a step too far in making my point. I didn’t really want a girlfriend or to meet someone else, but I knew telling Remy I did would be the one thing to finally get her to back off a bit. As persistent as she was, she would never want me to be unhappy, and telling her she was in the way of me finding someone special was the final nail in the coffin of our years-long relationship.