Lai protects the Order more fiercely than she does her own life. If she thinks an action could even potentially endanger the Order, she won’t take it. But she isn’t the only one who dictates what the Order does. As far as I know, she’s a Helper and seen as a leader—but the real leader of the Order is a woman named Walker. I wonder what she wants the Order’s future actions to be. After all, her decision is likely to be the final one. Hers and that of her two seconds-in-command, Seung and Clemente.
A few more patrons have started to trickle into the café. I watch a well-dressed businesswoman enter and order at the counter.
I understand Lai’s side. However, I also understand where Seung and the others are coming from. The Order has an extensive intelligence network, methods of operating secretly, and several members with strengths that could greatly aid in stopping the war—whether physically or politically. They could even have a spy amid the rebels’ leaders if all goes well with Erik. The Order is certainly a force to be reckoned with. And joining the war could be a chance for them to be heard. If the Order helped take down the rebels, people might be more inclined to listen to what they have to say about peace between the gifted and ungifted. Is staying secret, protecting themselves in hiding, truly the best route for the Order to take?
I say none of this aloud because it’s not my place to, but Lai’s presence swirls with violet anxiety. Neither of us mentions what I’m thinking.
4
AL
OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT’S one window, the night is black as coal. The four of us stand together with bags over our shoulders, and I don’t know who I can’t stand more. There’s the obvious option of Lai, liar that she is, who only just told us about her huge secret peace organization or whatever. But then there’s Mendel, being an idiot and going over to the rebels even though he could get himself killed. And even Kitahara, who usually makes it hard to hate anything about him, was in on all this Order crap from the get-go. I’m teamed up with a bunch of liars and backstabbers and I only just figured it out.
Lai and Kitahara both glance at me, but I don’t care. So what if they know what I’m thinking or feeling? Why shouldn’t they? Unlike the rest of them, I’m not so stuffed full of secrets you could throw a knife blindfolded and hit one of them.
Lai’s voice in my head makes me grit my teeth. This is the last time we’ll all be together for—who knows how long? Maybe ever. Don’t you think you could at least pretend you care?
Why should I? I think back.
Lai doesn’t reply, but it’s obvious by her face she’s not happy.
A spark of satisfaction lights in my chest. It doesn’t last, though. When I look around at my teammates’ faces, a weight presses down on my throat. I remind myself of my anger and all the perfectly good reasons I have to be angry at each of them, but the feeling doesn’t go away.
“You’re sure about this?” Lai asks.
“Aren’t you the one who suggested it in the first place?” Mendel asks.
“There’s no changing your mind once you’re back with them,” Lai says. “You know that, don’t you?”
Mendel hesitates, but not for long. “I’m sure. Look, there’s no point beating around the bush. I want to know about my past more than anything. You all know that. This is the best shot I’ve got without actually turning traitor, and I’m going to take it. If I don’t go, I’m always going to wonder. I’d regret not going more than I would going.”
Kitahara sighs. If Mendel was lying, I’m guessing he would’ve sensed it with his gift. I wonder if the sigh means he’s telling the truth or not.
“So I guess this is it,” Mendel says. He kicks at a loose floorboard.
“Just for now,” Lai says. “We’ll meet again.”
“If we’re lucky,” I mutter.
Lai shoots me a glare that I ignore.
“We will,” Kitahara says. “I know it.” His voice is strong, unwavering. We all look to him. He has a way of talking that just makes you want to believe what he says. It’s sure as hell more comforting than when Lai said it.
“Be careful,” Lai says to Mendel. She presses something into his hand. When he tucks it into his pocket, I catch a glimpse of a small, bright green crystal. “Use that to get in touch with me whenever you need to. It’s too risky to give you access to all of my gift—it’s difficult to control and you don’t have time to practice—so you’ll only be able to use it to communicate with me telepathically. Make sure no one finds out about it. Remember everything I told you about Ellis, her gift, her way of planning. If you feel that you’re in danger at any point or like you’ve been discovered, get out. Above all else, you have to live.”
“I got it, I got it,” Mendel says. He leans back against the wall, trying to look casual, probably, but his shaking hands give him away. His nerves dampen my anger. “Get in, learn about my past, send on intel about the rebels, end the war, get out. Easy.”
Lai’s lips press together. “Just watch your back. And don’t take any unnecessary risks.”
“Yeah, because that’s so my shtick,” Mendel says. “I’m the one who lays low, remember? I’ve got this.”
“I know,” Lai says. She sounds so sure it surprises me. Where do you get that kind of confidence for a plan this crazy? “If I didn’t think you could do it, I wouldn’t have asked you to. I just…”
“Worry,” Kitahara supplies.
Lai’s frown deepens. Mendel laughs, but he stops abruptly when she says, “Yes. I’m worried.”
“Don’t be.” Mendel pretends to shudder. “It’s weird and I don’t like it.”
Lai shoves him and he laughs again.
“Watch yourself out there,” Kitahara says. He holds out a hand to Mendel, which seems way overformal, but that’s the major. Ex-major.
Mendel shakes his hand anyway. “I will.”
Then Mendel is looking at me, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. What I want to do is tell him what a reckless idiot he is and that if he gets himself killed, it’ll be his own fault. But Lai’s words still ring in my head. This is the last time we’ll all be together for—who knows how long? Maybe ever.
“You better come back to us all in one piece,” I say. “It won’t be any fun kicking your ass in training if you’re missing an arm or leg.”
Mendel cracks a grin. “Just for your entertainment purposes, I’ll try to keep everything attached.”
“Good.”
We all keep standing around, but there’s nothing else to say. Lai heads for the door first. Everyone follows. And then we’re down the stairs and Mendel breaks off from our group with a wave and I’m trying not to look back after him. This whole team thing really does suck.
* * *
Lai leads the way through the sector’s cramped streets. We pass through Market, the stalls all shuttered, and into the rich streets with clean new skyscrapers that make me feel like we stick out like fireworks in the dead of night, before ending up in the warehouse district. No one’s around. Eventually we get to an old abandoned-looking warehouse that Lai calls Regail Hall. The windows are boarded up, and graffiti and torn flyers cover the red-brick walls. I don’t really get how a beat-up place like this could be the Order’s home base, but Lai doesn’t stop for questions. She unlocks the door and goes straight in. My irritation returns. I hate how she just keeps walking and assumes we’ll follow her. I hate even more that her assumption’s right.