“First thing, let’s get some things straight so you can stop looking like you just sucked a lemon. I am not going to tell you things about my sex life. I’m not going to share any intimate details with you. I just want you to try to understand.” I did my best to organize my thoughts. “Let me start with Alan. He is a friend and nothing more. He’s coming here this weekend to help you and me. So be nice to him. You might even like him if you decide to stop being the biggest curmudgeon of all time.” I raised my eyebrows, and the lines on his face softened. “Just let me say this so we can get it over with. I don’t like girls in the same way that you loved Mom. Someday I hope to meet a man I feel that way about.” I was not going to mention Dell in any way. “It’s that simple. I want to care for him and spend the rest of my life with him. That’s all I ever wanted.” I swallowed hard and turned away. “What I want is what you and Mom had all those years.” I blinked because I was not going to break down in front of my father. “That’s all there is to it. There’s no mystery or voodoo involved, and no one has to worry about the kind of life I’ll have.”
“But why can’t you just—” He seemed to search for words, and even though I figured I knew what he was going to say, I made him actually verbalize it. “—be single and not do that kind of stuff?”
“Is that really fair?” I asked, throwing the attitude back at him. “Why should I be unhappy because it would be easier on you?”
He brought his mug to his lips and took a sip, his eyes widening as though he had never thought of that.
I decided to press my advantage. “You’re my father, and Mom always told me that she wanted me to be happy….”
“If she knew….”
I swallowed hard. “She did, Dad. I told both of you at the same time, remember? And she loved me no matter what. She visited me in Chicago before she got really sick, and she met some of my friends… including Alan. She had fun, and she loved me.” That’s what hurt so much. “I feel like I lost the parent who gave a damn.” I lifted my mug and left the room, then grabbed my phone from the coffee table before leaving the house. I took the coffee with me to where I had been working, finished up, and went to the equipment shed. My phone buzzed with a message that Alan had finished up his work and was leaving earlier than expected. I downed the last of the drink of the gods before grabbing a ladder off its hooks on the wall and heading to the back of the house where the shingles were damaged. I figured ripping off some shingles and pounding some nails until Alan arrived was as good a way as any to take out my frustration.
Rex’s barking pulled me out of the rhythm of my work. I had about three sheets of shingles to lay down and the damaged section of roofing would be replaced. Dad was lucky there wasn’t more damage. The roof itself wasn’t that old, but a tree limb had scraped and torn a number of shingles in a storm. With Rex making a fuss, I expected Alan’s car to pull into the drive, but it was Dell’s old silver pickup truck.
“How is it going?” he called as soon as he got out.
I waved. “Just finishing up the last of it.” I needed to get this done, so I spent the few minutes setting the shingles and pushed the scraps off the roof, then checked my handiwork before descending the ladder. “What’s going on?” I was starting to wonder if he worked, with all the time he seemed to be spending either in town or here at the farm with me.
“I was just….” He seemed nervous. “Look, about yesterday… I….”
Yeah, I got the idea. “You don’t have to worry about anything. If you want me to forget anything happened, then I can do that, and we’ll work together and go our separate ways.” I had spent much of the night wondering if something like this wasn’t going to happen. After all, my dreams usually didn’t come true, and if they did move forward, they usually had strings attached. That was just my luck.
“It isn’t that.” He stepped closer. “See, this sort of thing is hard enough if it were just me, but there’s Archie too, and I can’t just go around….” Dell started tapping his foot. I remembered that little trait from when he would get nervous in school. It was reassuring, in an offbeat way, that there was something of the teenager I had once known still inside him. “I have to make sure that there isn’t some sort of revolving door on my heart.” He sighed. “Yeah, I know it’s corny, but Archie already likes you and keeps asking when we can see Mr. Clay and Rex again.”
I was confused. “I thought he called my dad Grampy. Doesn’t he come out here to visit?”
Dell shook his head. “Archie knows your dad from church. He always insists on sitting next to him, and it was Archie who started calling him Grampy. I think he saw how lonely your dad was and took it on himself to make friends. Usually during the week, Archie is in day care or with my parents. I have my own heating and plumbing business. When I was starting the business, your dad needed some help. I made some repairs for him, and he told everyone about me. Suddenly my business was kickstarted, and I still help him out when I can. I owe it to him.” Dell closed the distance between us. “But your dad isn’t one to invite people to visit or roll out the welcome wagon.”
“Tell me about it.” I smirked. “But yesterday’s visit did him a lot of good. He was happy, and the two of us talked a little this morning.” I had no idea if it was going to change anything, but I had at least said what I needed to say.
“That’s positive.” Dell seemed off in thoughts of his own. “Look, I wanted you to know that what I did yesterday wasn’t something I go around doing with just anyone.”
Okay, now I was thoroughly confused. “Why don’t you just say what you want to say without beating around the bush until you kill it?” Did no one just open up and say what they were feeling? Was that so hard for people? My dad sure as hell couldn’t do it, and now Dell. I was getting a migraine from trying to read between the damned lines all the time. I grabbed the ladder and carried it toward the shed to put it away. After hanging it on its hooks, I turned and found myself in Dell’s arms. “Hold it, if this is just some on the down-low sort of thing….”
Dell huffed. “Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too damned much?” he said, then kissed me. His arms held me tighter, and I slid mine around his neck, deepening the kiss until I could barely see straight. Damn, he was a fantastic kisser, with so much energy and passion behind it that my knees felt as though they were going to give out from under me. Dell kept me from falling by holding me tightly to him. His tongue slid past my lips, and I sucked on it, tasting all the heady maleness that he exuded.
He backed away, and I touched my tingling lips. “Yes,” I said as an answer to his question. “I suppose I’ve been known to talk too damned much, but I think I’m making up for a father who never says anything.” I needed to stop referencing everything to my father. “I’m sorry. You probably know him better than I do.”
Dell shook his head. “The only one who seems to be able to get your dad to talk is Archie.” He slid his rough palm along my cheek. “Do you think this is a mistake? I know you aren’t going to stay here for very long, and maybe I’m a fool.” He didn’t back away, and the temperature in the shed rocketed upward. “You used to get me so turned around in high school, and I didn’t know what it meant. I didn’t want to be gay, and yet every time I looked, there you were. If we were in assembly and there were hundreds of kids around, all I had to do was look up and my gaze would find you in an instant. I was gay, but I didn’t want to be.” The old pain in Dell’s eyes was very real and something I well understood. “You know how things were. I was on all the teams. Fuck, I was popular, and all that would go away if I were gay, so I couldn’t be. And yet, there you were, making my insides churn every time I saw you watching me.”