“That’s wonderful. I’ve been missing you.”
I noticed the way my dad lavished attention on Archie but ignored Dell and me. I wondered what was up with that, and when I glanced at Dell, he had a knowing look that I reminded myself to ask him about.
“I’m going to get lunch. Dell and I worked out how to get the harvest in, so as soon as Bill is finished doing his, we can get started.” At least I had my mind around that task. It was all the others that had me worried. Parts of the roof had been damaged in a storm and needed to be repaired before winter. The barns and sheds needed work. There was the garden to bring in and vegetables to process. I checked the list once again and wondered if it had gotten longer while I was out.
Finally, Dad lifted his gaze to Dell and me. “Thank you both.”
I nearly fainted dead away.
“Are you going to stay in here?” Dell asked Archie.
He nodded vigorously. “I stay here and keep Grampy company so he not be lonely, and I make his foot all better.” He lightly patted the boot. It really was an adorable gesture.
“Okay,” Dell agreed, then followed me into the kitchen. I had expected to get lunch on my own, but Dell seemed intent on helping. Maybe he thought I wasn’t capable of making grilled cheese sandwiches, salad, and cookies?
I set Dell to making the salad while I got out the cheese and buttered the bread.
“Is it strange to be back?”
I put together the first sandwich and heated up the pan. “I honestly thought that the next time I’d return would be if something happened to Dad.” I put the sandwich in the pan and turned around. “I didn’t think I would ever come back. There was nothing for me here.” I was being truthful, and maybe it was too close to the bone, because I felt exposed.
Dell set the knife on the cutting board with a thunk, and I felt him getting closer rather than saw him. “That’s what I thought.”
I turned back toward the stove. Dell stood right behind me, close enough that I could feel the warmth rolling off him. Then his arms slid around my waist, and I clamped my eyes shut, willing this not to be a dream.
“I’m glad you came back. I know things weren’t right between us, but I think I would have missed you and not known it if you hadn’t come home like this.”
“How can that be true? I haven’t seen you in five years….” He drew closer, pressing right to me, and I let go of my train of thought. “Dell, I barely know you now, and you have a son.” I kept my voice soft. “Our lives are very different from how they were when I left. We aren’t the same people….” I flipped the sandwich and then faced Dell. “The people who we think we knew aren’t the ones we are now. I’m not the same guy I was then, and neither are you.”
“So? Why can’t we get to know the guys we are now?”
I wished I had a good answer for him. “Is that what you really want? Or am I just the first gay guy to pass through town and you’re taking your chances with me?” It was true—this part of the state was hardly a hotbed of gayness.
“Really. You think I’m desperate?” He grinned, and I rolled my eyes. That wasn’t possible. Dell could have anyone he wanted, which only begged the question of why he would be interested in me. And for that I didn’t have an answer.
The sandwich was done, so I took it out of the pan and made the others while Dell finished the salad. Lunch was fun, with Archie giving his seal of approval with a cheesy grin and a milk mustache. Dad ate sparsely, and once we were done, he returned to the living room for a nap.
Archie raced outside into the yard to throw Rex’s ball while Dell stood in the back doorway. “I need to get him home, but thank you.” Before I could think about it, Dell closed the gap between us and kissed me, his lips firm, tangy, and perfect. It was everything I had ever hoped for.
God, I was so screwed.
Chapter Three
My back ached and my hands hurt. I didn’t remember this kind of pain from when I was a kid, but I’d obviously gotten soft. Still, I managed to get many of the buildings around the farm cleaned out and put back in order so I could find the tools I needed without looking all over hell and creation. Dad had tried to do the tasks he could, but ended up leaving things where they fell because it was too much work to put them away. That was not like my father at all. The more I saw the state of things, the more I worried about him.
“What the hell are you doing, son?” Dad snapped, pulling me out of my thoughts.
It was on the tip of my tongue to snark back at him, but I held it. “I’m finishing putting things away. The equipment shed is back in order, and so is the workshop, as you can see. The chicken coop is cleaned out and repaired, so if you want chickens again, we can do that.” I had also made some repairs to the old animal barn. Basically, the buildings were in sound shape, but country living was hard living, and repairs that weren’t kept up on aged a structure.
I waited for him to correct what I was doing. It seemed to be what he’d done since I got here two days ago, so why would it stop now?
“Oh…” was his only response, and I didn’t know what to make of it.
“Did you call Bill and confirm all the equipment?” Telephone calls were something he could do, and it freed me up for the physical stuff, which was taking a toll on my soft body. I guess I never realized how in shape I had been when I left.
“Yes, and you left your phone in the house. It’s been dinging and shit for the last two hours. It rang, and I answered the call from a friend of yours.”
So that was still the issue. I should have known.
I dropped the pitchfork on the ground and stepped over it to stalk to my father. “I’ve had enough of this shit. So we’re going to talk, now!”
His eyes grew wide. “Oh, we are?” He glared right back.
“Yes. Do you remember when I was fourteen and we went camping for the last time? You and I drove to a lake, and we pitched the tent in the woods. I gathered firewood, and we made dinner, then sat around the fire? And then you and I had the talk about the birds and the bees?”
Dad nodded, the frown lines around his mouth deepening.
“Well, let’s go into the house, I’ll make coffee, and we can have part two of that discussion.” I pulled off my work gloves and walked past him toward the house, purposely not looking back to see if he was coming.
Inside, I put on a pot of coffee and set out a few crackers and cookies on the table just like Mom used to do when she wanted to talk to us about something important. The back door slammed shut, and then he crutched into the kitchen and took his usual place at the table. I didn’t say anything until I had carried two mugs of coffee to the table, placed one in front of each of us, and then sat down.
“I don’t want to hear—” Dad began, and I put my hand up.
“This is my topic,” I said. “Look, Dad, I’m gay—you know that. I told both you and Mom years ago, and I know that’s why you’ve never called me or had anything to do with me until now. It’s time to put our cards on the table and be honest with each other. You’re my dad, and it hurts that you treat me this way.”
He sighed. “It’s wrong. Everything I know says it’s wrong.”