“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m so glad to have it. I kind of want to skip the diner honeymoon and go change all my identification and credit cards.” I slumped down in the seat, feeling lighter.
“You can’t officially have my name until we consummate this marriage.”
I pressed my thighs together. My body never had gotten the message that I was supposed to avoid this man.
His gaze drifted over to mine. “And we can’t consummate this marriage until you’re healed.”
I swallowed around the knot in my throat. So much of me appreciated that he was thoughtful enough to be careful. And so much of me hated that that alone proved me somewhat wrong about him being so awful.
I’m healed. I’m healed.
But that was the overwhelming desire talking.
We’re not consummating anything.
My head chimed in.
As much as I wanted to cut myself off from Cal physically, I wasn’t stupid enough to believe I really could. I was the one willing to risk further injury just to feel him cover me with his big body. To take me places no other person ever could.
He was the one who had so easily put the brakes on all physical contact.
Was it really in the name of protection? Or had he already grown tired of me?
He still made it look so easy to walk away. Sure, he was here . . . and my husband . . . but he’d been able to stop touching me like it was nothing.
I still craved him on a level I couldn’t comprehend.
He parked the car in front of an old building. “You aren’t spitting fire at me. Should I be scared?”
I glared. When had Garrett Calhoun been afraid of anything?
“We consummated this marriage plenty before we said I do.”
He took off his seat belt. “That was you trying to work me out of your system.” That cocky coolness that had possessed me from the first time we met was no less effective now. “Not working out so well now, is it, Mrs. Calhoun?”
I shoved open the door. “Are we eating or not?”
I wanted to tell him to stop calling me that but couldn’t force the words out of my mouth. Because I liked it. In some ways, I felt like a new person. Like I was starting over.
He stalked around the car and caged me against it. His face was so close to mine, I had to hold my breath so I didn’t lose my head. But it was too late. I’d already gotten a hint of whatever it was that made Cal so irresistible.
“You think if you don’t kiss me that makes us less intimate? More like strangers?” His demand was a low growl that I felt in my core.
I lifted my chin but still couldn’t breathe.
“We aren’t strangers, baby sister. Never have been. Never will be.” He inched closer until our mouths were only millimeters apart.
“I only kiss people I love.” I was surprised my words sounded strong instead of breathless. The way I felt.
Until Alex had taken what wasn’t his, that was the truth. I’d only loved one man. Only kissed one man.
And now that man was my husband.
I fisted his shirt with both hands so tightly my hands hurt. Was I trying to keep him in place? Or keep him away?
The weeks since I’d returned to New York flashed through my mind at warp speed. Cal was the one constant, the one person I’d been able to count on. Sure, if I’d been honest with my brothers or Lexie, they would have been too. But when I’d needed to work things out on my own, Cal had been right with me, a steadying force.
I squeezed my eyes shut. The truth slammed down on me and it was too hard to accept. I couldn’t face it. Couldn’t face him.
“Don’t close your eyes.” The low rumble vibrated through me.
In the way only Cal could, he soothed me, bolstered my confidence, and terrified me all at once.
On a deep breath, I opened my eyes again.
Those dark pools were intense as they stared back at me. I had no idea what he was thinking, only that I felt so so much. More than I wanted to feel. It was as if those vows had ripped off a layer of protection I’d been hiding behind for the longest time. A layer of lies I’d been telling myself.
I no longer hated this man. How could I?
I swallowed hard. This man had sacrificed at least his immediate future for me. And he hadn’t hesitated. He came when I called. And there was only one time in our history he hadn’t given me what I needed.
But I was beginning to wonder if he thought he had.
“Have you had a good life?” he asked quietly. Tentatively.
“Yes.”
“Did you accomplish everything you wanted?”
“Mostly.”
“Are you happy?”
“When I’m not in New York, yes. I’m happy.”
“Then I didn’t make a mistake.”
Then I didn’t make a mistake.
Now that the layer of lies I’d been telling myself was gone, I could see so much clearer. He’d let me go all those years ago so I would be happy and accomplish everything I’d wanted. Because he’d believed I wouldn’t do that if I’d stayed with him. Cal didn’t act like a man who was indifferent.
And if he wasn’t indifferent . . . what did he feel?
What did I feel?
“Thank you,” I whispered. Had I said that? I couldn’t remember, but regardless of my mixed up emotions, I owed him my gratitude at the very least.
His brow wrinkled ever so slightly. “I didn’t do anything.” He glanced away.
I turned his face back toward me. “You’ve done more than I deserve.”
He recoiled. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” he said gruffly.
Oddly enough, I believed him.
And if it weren’t for his body and the truck, I’d have swayed on my feet at the realization.
“We should go have breakfast.” The words came out breathless. I didn’t want food.
I wanted to burrow into Cal, let him make the world disappear. Make me feel the way only he could.
That scared me.
We’d been married less than three hours.
And I already didn’t want to let him go.
Chapter Five
Cal
“You gonna answer that?”
I pointed at her phone. This was the fourth time Father had flashed on her screen.
She picked up a piece of bacon and pointed it at me. “Give me your honest opinion.”
I blinked at her. I wasn’t sure what had happened when I’d had her pinned against my truck outside, but something had.
And it had taken every bit of my human strength not to kiss her.
I craved her mouth, needed it, maybe now more than I needed to be inside her. She’d meant what she said. That she only kissed people she loved. My gut told me she hadn’t shared her mouth with many people.
I stamped down the irrational flare of jealousy.
What if she’d only ever kissed me?
She waved the now half-eaten piece of bacon in front of me. “I didn’t realize I’d said fighting words.”
I snatched the bacon and polished it off.
“Hey! Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had food like this?” She leaned back in the diner booth. “It’s so good, but I think I’ve overdone it.”