“No.”
We both answered at the same time and that seemed to amuse the man.
“Lucky for you, I have some.” He held up a black binder and grinned.
It should’ve been funny, but I couldn’t laugh.
A long time ago, on the fire station rooftop with Beau asleep in my arms, I’d let myself have one moment to think about a future with her. There were kids, backyard barbecues with family and friends, and long aimless drives around the city. And so much damn happiness it had made my chest hurt.
Those were the most dangerous thoughts I’d ever had.
Because I couldn’t hold on to something that had never belonged to me.
And the next day, I’d let her go.
I never imagined a wedding, but if I had, it wouldn’t have been like this.
“Join hands, please.”
She looked at mine like they were vats of acid. I took her delicate hands in my rough ones before she decided to run. Even our hands were opposites. Hers were soft and smooth. Mine were cut and calloused. But they fit together like puzzle pieces.
The minister spoke, but he might as well have been a million miles away. It sounded like he was in a barrel. Or maybe I was.
I couldn’t look at Beau.
This whole charade was for her benefit. I should be able to find some peace, knowing I’d be able to keep her safe.
But I couldn’t.
She wasn’t marrying me because she wanted to. She was doing it because she had to.
Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab.
That shouldn’t matter. But I hated the lie with everything in me.
Necessary lies were what got us to this point. Where we could hardly stand the sight of one another . . . although our bodies hadn’t gotten that message.
And it was too painful to be near her, knowing what I’d given up.
It didn’t matter that my intentions were noble and for the best. Standing at this altar with her hands in mine was like a knife hollowing out my chest with jagged swipes.
And I felt every single one of them.
“Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
The question was a gunshot, nearly knocking me backward. This was it. No going back. Though if I were honest, we’d reached that point when I’d picked her up hours ago. Hell, maybe we’d reached it the second we’d met.
“I do.”
The two words sounded as if they were dragged from me. I’d just made a vow and couldn’t even look her in the eyes when I did it.
“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
And then I could no longer look away. Would she go through with this?
She glared at me mournfully as if I’d put her in this position. As if I were the one who’d put those bruises on her jaw.
“I . . .”
What? We’d been up all night. She’d convinced me this was the only solution. What was she doing?
“Are you playing with me, Beau?”
“If we skip the rest is it still legal?” She pulled on her hands like holding mine for much longer was too much.
In another time and place, I might have been insulted she didn’t want to go through the whole spiel, but I just wanted to get this over with too.
I had to give the minister credit. This had to be the most shocking response, especially for a couple so eager to get married. Somehow he kept his features neutral. “Well, no, I need . . . um, consent . . . to legalize the marriage. For you, Beau, to consent to this union. So, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
She lifted her chin in defiance. “Fine. Yes, I do.”
The minister shifted uncomfortably. “Okay. I can now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
She hadn’t let me anywhere near her mouth since she’d been back. Like kissing me was too intimate. And I’d been on board with that. Just because these vows had been forced didn’t mean I wasn’t taking them seriously. Because this was Beau.
And that included sealing our deal the proper way.
I leaned forward.
She pulled her hands out of mine and shoved them against my chest. “Don’t even think about it.”
But I wouldn’t force her into something she didn’t want. Especially not after the hell she’d been through lately.
“Mrs. Calhoun,” I murmured against her cheek before I kissed the soft skin.
She stiffened but accepted the gesture.
Fake or not. Bad circumstance or real. She might’ve picked the wrong man to rescue her.
Because I hadn’t just said those vows. I meant them.
And I didn’t break promises.
Which was going to be a huge problem when she wanted me to let her go.
Because I’d just married the only woman I’d ever loved.
Chapter Four
Beau
Mrs. Calhoun.
I’d married Cal. I’d. Married. Cal.
Was I insane?
And what would happen next?
Where was the relief that I couldn’t marry Alex now? I was extraordinarily happy about that. And even though I hadn’t behaved like it, I was grateful to Cal that he’d saved me from that horror.
But this brought on a whole new problem. I’d acted on impulse. In desperation. And hadn’t given a thought beyond the ceremony.
“It’s not Bora Bora, but there’s a diner in Woodlawn that has a killer breakfast.”
I inched closer to the car door like a child instead of a woman who could handle herself. “Why would we go there? To celebrate?” I asked crisply.
“To eat. I’m starved,” he said with a smirk. “But I’d think you’d want to celebrate. You got what you wanted, right?”
My stomach knotted.
Yes. I had gotten what I wanted.
No.
I was married to Cal. And I didn’t want that . . . not like I used to.
I looked across the car at him. We could’ve done this ten years ago. Would we still be happy? Would we still be doing this? Riding around in his truck? Would we have kids?
I swallowed hard. The thought of being responsible for another human being was terrifying. But he’d come from a big family. And . . . none of that matters now.
Part of me mourned the loss of time we’d never get back.
What did I think this was? The start of a happily-ever-after?
He was my fake husband, not my real husband.
And I was lost.
Mrs. Calhoun.
Mrs. Calhoun.
Beau Calhoun.
I’d always been a Hollingsworth. And now I wasn’t.
I drew in a deep breath and some weight lifted off of me. Cal hadn’t just given me an out from a wedding I didn’t want to go through, he’d freed me from the name I hadn’t realized was weighing me down.
My only pride in it was because of my brothers.
“You testing out your new name?”
I blinked at Cal. Had I said it out loud?
“I didn’t realize what a relief it would be to get rid of my last name,” I said quietly.
This man had seen me at my most vulnerable. Maybe he didn’t deserve my inner thoughts, but I had nothing to hide. Or maybe he did deserve them because he had stepped up for me. Again.
He braked at a red light. “I’m surprised you’d want mine.”
The honesty in his words ripped my chest wide open. There was something in them, something raw, that made me ache. Like I felt his pain.