“We have about an hour before our appointment with the minister. Want something to eat?” Cal asked as we stepped outside of the courthouse.
He’d insisted a person in some religious capacity perform the ceremony. Why, I didn’t know. He really was unflappable, taking a sacred oath before God that was a lie.
I wasn’t in a position to argue, so I’d found someone willing to do it on the fly.
“I’m not hungry.”
Could he eat now? My stomach was in knots. This wasn’t even real, but my nerves were jittering like it was.
He held open the car door, and even what was once the safest place in the world couldn’t settle me.
When he got in, the unsettledness became worse.
He draped his arms over the steering wheel, but didn’t crank the truck. “I don’t have another shirt.” He glanced down, his tone almost apologetic.
I had on jeans and a sweater. It wasn’t exactly wedding attire. Except Pepper wanted to get married just like this. But she was with my brother for love. Clothes didn’t matter.
When we weren’t getting married for love, they didn’t matter either.
“It’s fine.”
“Those shops probably don’t open for a while,” he said as if he hadn’t heard me.
“This is just a formality. We don’t have to be dressed to the nines.” I sunk down in the seat. Had it even been two minutes since we’d gotten back in the car? How was I going to make it an hour?
“Seems disrespectful,” he continued.
“Should I call my father and have him deliver the dress he picked out for me to wear for Alex?” I snapped. Just an hour, Beau. You can make it an hour.
He balled his fingers. “No.”
I cocked my head. “Isn’t it disrespectful to use someone for her virginity?” Shut up, Beau. He is your only ticket out. And you’re showing just how hurt you still are that he dumped you. Get a backbone.
I used to have one. Then I’d been summoned back to New York, thought I could dance with the devil, and all the old feelings I thought I’d dealt with came crashing back with a vengeance.
He didn’t have the decency to look at me. Those dark eyes stared straight out the windshield, and I had no idea what was going on in that thick skull of his.
“You sure I’m your guy for this?” he finally asked.
“I’m not exactly swimming in options.” I folded my arms.
“Still a last resort for you,” he muttered.
“What does that mean?” I asked, sniffling bitterly.
“Nothing.”
I twisted in my seat. “It sounds like something.”
An argument could make the time go faster and that was something we excelled at.
“Back then . . .” He couldn’t say when we were together, and that just irritated me even more. “You wouldn’t have chosen me if there were other options.”
I gaped at him. What?
“I did choose you,” I cried.
Cal had always been the most confident man I knew. To hear his insecurities . . . threw me further off balance.
“You wanted the forbidden,” he said evenly. “You liked seeing how far you could take it without getting caught.” His gaze was cold when he turned it on me. “This is still a game to you. Daddy’s gonna be real pissed you married me, isn’t he?”
I opened my mouth and closed it, stunned into silence. Yes, my father was going to be furious, but that didn’t have a damn thing to do with why I was marrying Cal.
And was that really how he saw me? That I’d used him as some sort of forbidden fruit to get my kicks?
I wouldn’t dignify him with an answer.
“This was a terrible idea,” I muttered. “Just go back to New York. I’ll figure something out.”
He waved the marriage certificate in front of my face. “Oh no, baby sister. This says we’re partners for life. And I didn’t just drive all the way to Connecticut for nothing. We’re getting married.”
“Don’t act like Connecticut is across the country.” I glared.
He glared back. “If I don’t leave this state as your husband, it might as well be.”
“Stop pretending you want this.”
“I’d be better off marrying a mountain lion, but I’ll be damned if I let that son of a bitch ever lay another finger on you.”
My heart squeezed at the same time I felt a fist to the gut. Cal was doing one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for me. He was protecting me. But it hurt that being married to me was so repulsive to him.
Why did I care?
This was just a business transaction.
Except we had no agreement. I was the only one benefiting. And if Cal would do this for me, expecting nothing in return, that meant there was something decent in him.
And if there was something decent in him, maybe I’d been wrong to hate him so much.
He’s not that man from years ago. I’d experienced how decent he could be in the way he cared for me—sheltered me—after Alex assaulted me.
Anger had kept me strong and shielded for so many years. And to defeat my father, to stay on this new trajectory, I had to cling to my anger like a lifeline.
He shoved open the door. “Let’s go see if we can get this over with.”
Chapter Three
Cal
“You’re early. It’s lovely to see a couple so eager to begin their journey together.”
I didn’t bother to tell the old man we’d started this trip a long time ago and it was destined for hell.
Wordlessly, Beau followed him into the chapel. Ma would kill me if she knew I’d set foot in a church dressed like this.
She wouldn’t kill you for getting married without telling her?
That was probably a worse offense, but I wasn’t sure she’d ever know. I was at Beau’s mercy. This was her show and I was just along for the ride. Like always.
You could’ve protested harder.
Maybe. It would’ve been the smart thing to do for both of us. We were good at hurting each other. But this had seemed the most logical solution to her massive problem.
And maybe the fastest one to yours too.
And even though I’d needed to let go of her—to move on and go back to life as I’d been living since she left—the idiotic part of me grasped this harebrained idea like it was pure genius.
I didn’t believe some vows and a legal document would change anything between us. It probably complicated things.
But I wanted to make it harder to walk away. What had surprised me was her outburst in the car. God, I was sorry that she’d been so hurt by my actions—choices I’d made to ensure she found the happy future she deserved.
Now that I’d had a minute to think on it, that surprised the hell out of me. Beau didn’t need me. She didn’t let anything get to her. Look at how fast she’d come up with a solution to her marriage problem.
But if I still affected her after all these years, what did that mean?
Don’t even go there, man.
I had no place in her life, not even as a real fake husband. And it wasn’t wise to get comfortable in that role.
“Have you prepared your own vows?” the minister asked kindly.