“One-Eye? Are you listening?” Boomer splays his palms across the table as he stands in front while he goes over a few things for Church.
“Dude.” Arrow nudges with me his elbow, and I snap out of my thoughts when my arm slips off the table.
“Hmm? What? Yeah, Prez. I got it.” Honestly, I don’t even know what’s been said in the last thirty minutes and I’ve been like this for a while now.
His jaw flexes in annoyance and he narrows his eyes at me, clearly unhappy. “Church is over.” He straightens and places his hands on his hips. All the members get up and the chairs scratch along the floor. I go to stand but he shakes his head at me. “Stay,” he orders, eyeing me with impatience.
I give him an understanding nod and sit back down. Arrow gives me a pitying look before heading out the door. Nail gives my shoulder a quick squeeze without saying anything. I have to make a mental note to say goodbye to him, Void, Teeth, and Decay. They are going on a trip overseas for club business and no one has any idea how long they will be gone for.
Granted, I have a few days before they head out. We are throwing them a farewell party and I hope I live to see it.
Boomer doesn’t look happy with me at all.
Once the last person leaves Church, he shuts the door, then leans against it, crossing his arms over his chest. He is young for a Prez, but he knows his shit. He learned a lot from Reaper, his stepfather, and the Prez of the Vegas chapter.
“What the hell is going on with you, One-Eye? I need you focused, especially with us getting into business with O’Crowely. I need every member alert. So what is going on with you?” He pulls out a chair and spins it around, straddling it. His arms cross along the top edge of the seat, the serious wrinkle between his brows telling me he means business, but he hasn’t brought up a punishment yet for my being absent mentally in the MC.
My eye socket is suddenly irritating the hell out of me. I take off my eyepatch and rub the socket. “Sorry, Prez. I know it isn’t pretty to look at it, but it’s killing me.” I don’t wear my glass eye anymore. It’s too uncomfortable when it rubs against the scar tissue.
“It doesn’t bother me. Get comfortable. You know it doesn’t matter to me, One-Eye, don’t apologize. You don’t have to hide yourself here, but I do need to know if I need to appoint a new road captain. I need my best guys, One-Eye. What we’re getting into is dangerous. We have women here and I can’t risk them because your head isn’t in the game.”
My heart plummets when I hear him talk about a new road captain. I love my position and the thought of anyone else having it ticks me off. “No, I can be there. I’m sorry. Don’t give my position to someone else. I’ve been preoccupied because of Alicia.” And now when I say it out loud, it sounds fucking stupid. How can I be so preoccupied with a woman? I’m a grown man. I should be able to let the heartache roll off my shoulders.
But I know why I can’t.
She’s in my bones, in the core of my being. Alicia dug herself deep and she latched on. I’m unable to shake her.
Alicia impacted me in ways no one ever has before. I miss that. I got used to being someone she loved because no one has ever loved me the way she did.
I want it back.
I expect Boomer to roll his eyes or to punch me in the face. My old Prez would have strung me up and called me a fucking pussy for thinking with my heart. I’d probably get my one good eye burned out. But like always, Boomer surprises me. He lands a hand on my shoulder and squeezes while the hardness around his eyes disappears.
He isn’t cruel, but I know he can be. It’s how he chooses to use that cruelty inside him that makes me respect him more than I’ve ever really respected a Prez before.
“One-Eye, I get it. Women are the strongest beings on this planet. Just think of how much power they have over us. Scarlett has changed me in ways I’ll never be able to explain. Kansas is fucking gone for Violet. And Wolf…”
He trails off, but I nod, knowing exactly what he means. Wolf has still had a really hard time adjusting ever since Abigale’s death. It’s like his heart shattered into a million little pieces and he would rather just sit there in the wreckage instead of picking them up.
Can’t say I blame him.
Boomer clears his throat and continues. “Anyway, they get our soft sides, the sides we don’t ever show anyone else. They get the pain of what we feel when we hide it away. They get the vulnerability. They take care of us when we can’t take care of ourselves. Being strong all the time is exhausting, One-Eye. I don’t expect my brothers to not be affected by the bullshit life brings. It’s unreasonable. But I do expect them to have the ability to push it to the side when I need them to, then deal with it when business is done.”
“I understand, Prez. I swear, I’ll do better. I’ll be better.”
“Have you talked to her?” he asks.
“No. I miss Kimmy too. She was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a daughter. The timing was horrible when Alicia and I met. We both had to tackle a few demons, but I knew when we ended, that was it. People never get back together. Life doesn’t work that way.”
“It isn’t up to life to create opportunities, One-Eye. It’s up to you.”
I hate it when he makes sense. “What do you suggest?”
“Get back out there. Try to see if she’s what you really want. Maybe she was just a love in your life that helped you for the next one. That’s okay too. Learning experiences and all that shit.” He grabs a joint from his pocket and lights it, inhaling deeply before passing it to me.
I take a long puff and I’ll be damned if the door doesn’t swing open a second later. Homer is standing there, sniffing the air.
“I smell weed,” he announces, licking his lips.
The man loves his pot. It’s kind of funny.
“You don’t puff puff pass, why should they? Go get your own. Isn’t that what you say?” Arrow yells at Homer from across the room somewhere and Boomer groans. Those two are always at each other’s throats.
“Fuck you. I’m the oldest here, which comes with different rules than you young bucks.”
“Bullshit. Just because you’re older than the sand outside doesn’t mean you get special treatments,” Arrow quips.
Boomer leans back and closes his eyes, taking another long drag of the tightly rolled joint to relax as we listen to the members bickering like an old married couple.
“The hell it don’t. I’ve experienced more, seen more, done more, than any of you infants,” Homer spits.
“You’re being an entitled brat,” Arrow replies in a flat tone.
Boomer sighs. “If you two don’t shut the hell up, I’m putting you into time out like the children you’re being. I’ll make you put your nose in a damn corner to think about your actions.”
“You wouldn’t.” Homer narrows his eyes as he studies Boomer.
“Try me. I’m sick of you two fighting all the damn time. It gives me a headache. For the rest of the day, you aren’t allowed to talk to each other and if you do, I’ll throw firecrackers down your damn pants. That’s an order.”
“You’d do that to an old man?”
“Don’t use that age card on me, Homer,” Boomer warns, standing from the chair. “Last I checked, regardless of age, it’s me in charge. No one else. Either listen and put on your damn big boy pants, or we are going to have issues.”