I snort, and he grabs the back of my neck, not hard but making me focus. “I’m not leaving Texas.”
“No one said you have to leave Texas to be someone. And you’re getting that scholarship. You’re going to art school.” He leans his forehead against mine, still holding my neck. “You’re getting out of this town.”
I know he wants that for me, more than anything. He’s only five years older than me, but he’s the closest thing I have to a father. “Nash . . . Nothing is going to ruin that.”
He releases me and stands up. “Make sure. I know she’s pretty, but she’s not worth wrecking what you have. You’re too smart to let a girl mess up your head.”
“Jesus, tell me how you really feel.”
He looks like he wants to say more, but Rae bounces in happily with two sodas and a bag of chips. “I raided your pantry too.”
I take the soda from her and pop the top. “Sounds good to me.”
She sees Nash and offers a bright smile. “Hi, Nash.”
Please be nice to her. I never want to have to choose between Rae and Nash. “Hey, Rae. You two have fun.” He starts toward the front door, calling out over his shoulder, “But not too much fun.”
I roll my eyes and toss a Cheeto at him before he closes the door. Rae laughs and grabs a handful of the orange cheesy snack. “What was that about?”
I don’t want to lie to her, but I don’t want to repeat his words either. “Just Nash being overprotective, as usual.”
“I think that’s nice.” She slings her bare feet up on the coffee table, and my eyes spend a little too long lingering on her bare, tan legs. It’s the beginning of March, but she’s already in shorts.
“Yeah. I guess. But it gets annoying.”
“It’s good to have someone looking out for you.” She looks almost sad when she says this. I place my soda on the coffee table, turning my body to look at her.
“Is he still giving you shit?”
She doesn’t like talking about her stepfather. I’ve tried to get her to tell me more about him, but she doesn’t want to. The day she told me he constantly calls her a slut had me wanting to hunt his ass down in his office, where he likes to hide, and give him the beatdown of his life.
But I know that would only add to the negative Davis reputation. Nash has been in juvie a couple of times. Petty stuff. Stealing when my mom didn’t have enough money to pay the electric bill, let alone feed us, and getting into a few fights in school.
He’s really cleaned up since he got out the last time when he was almost seventeen. He graduated from high school and then started working construction. He put the utilities in his name and pays our rent. But it doesn’t leave much for him.
“It’s fine.”
She looks away, and I hate it. “Rae.”
Her eyes meet mine. “It’s fine. I still get to hang out with you and Tammy. I’m happy.”
“Except when you’re home.”
“Stop.” She puts her soda down and then lays her head on my shoulder. “I’m okay.”
“Has he hurt you?” I hate asking, but I have to.
“No,” she answers a little too quickly. “He’s just an ass. I’m okay.” She pivots her head up to look at me. “I want to ask you something.”
“No, I won’t marry you. Not yet.”
She rolls her eyes, sits up, and shoves my chest with a laugh. “How will I ever come back from this rejection?”
I laugh because when it’s just Rae and me, everything is easy. “What do you want to ask?”
“Will you go to the dance with me?”
I raise an eyebrow, looking at her like she’s insane. “What?”
“Come on. It’s the Spring Fling. You wouldn’t go to homecoming.”
“Because school dances are lame.”
She closes her hands together in front of her chest like she’s praying. “Please. Please, Lawson. Go to the dance with me.”
I chuckle at her over-the-top antics. “You’re a dork.”
“Duh.” She drops her hands, her eyes searching mine, and I realize how good she smells. Like citrus and mint. “Please?”
“Fine.”
She hugs me excitedly. “Yay!”
I wrap my arms around her, holding her in place, hugging her small body to mine and then reaching up and swiping her hair out of her eyes. “You’re so pretty.”
She laughs shyly at that. “I . . . Thank you.”
“I mean it, Rae. And you don’t have to beg me.”
She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “Because I’m pretty?”
“Because you’re Rae.” I lean in, my lips tentatively brushing over hers, waiting for permission.
When she presses against me with her hands resting on my chest, I give her, her first real kiss. I’ve been thinking about this moment since the day she told me she hasn’t kissed anyone else. I’ve wanted this. Dreamed about it.
But nothing fictional could ever live up to the real thing.
Her lips are soft, and she gives a part of herself to me as we kiss on the couch in my living room.
I’m starting to understand how Nash could think she’s dangerous.
Because she’s wrecked me. Just not in the way Nash was talking about.
She’s ruined me for anyone else.
* * *
I look into the mirror and smile, fluffing my blond hair out and then applying a little more lip gloss. I’m going to the dance tonight with Lawson.
Who I think might be my boyfriend.
I don’t really know. All I know is I get a crazy fluttering in my stomach anytime I’m around him. And his smile alone is enough to cheer me up. We’re together all of our free time, and knowing I’m going to get to see him is about the only thing that keeps me going these days.
Colin is becoming bolder and bolder, creeping up on me anytime he can. I spend every night in fear, but every morning when I see Lawson, I’m in bliss.
I love my black dress. It goes to my knees, so it isn’t too short. And the cut is flattering, making me look like I have more of a chest than I do. I feel pretty.
I walk down the stairs, but I’m immediately stopped by Colin, who’s waiting by the door for me.
No.
“What?”
“You’re not leaving the house looking like that.”
Do not cry. Do not let him see how he makes you feel.
“My mom bought the dress. Take it up with her.”
He moves to stand right in front of me. “Don’t disrespect me in my house.”
I don’t bother to remind him that we live in the house my mom’s money built. “I’m not. I’m just going to a dance.”
“And how are you getting there?”
“Lawson is picking me up. His brother lent him his car.”
“There is no way you’re riding in a car with that boy.” He moves closer, his eyes darting to my cleavage, suddenly making me feel dirty and not pretty. “Especially in this dress. He’ll automatically think he has a ticket to access between your legs.”
I hate when he says things like this to me. I’ve kissed Lawson a few times since that first time on the couch, but it hasn’t gone far. He’s insanely protective of me and my feelings. He makes me feel beautiful with just a look.