“Maybe I should go.” I feel Rae pulling away, and my aggravation grows.
I sit up but grab her hand, keeping her on the couch. “It’s my birthday. You said your mom and the douchebag are having dinner out of town tonight, right?”
She nods, biting her bottom lip nervously and eying Nash. “Yes.”
I glare at Nash. “Then you can stay for dinner with us.”
Nash’s jaw is clenched so tight I think he might crack his teeth. “Can I talk to you?” His question is aimed at me, and part of me is a little worried Rae will bolt if I go with him, but I know that look on my brother’s face.
I turn to Rae, holding her pretty face in my hands. “I’ll be right back. Please stay.”
Her eyes search mine, and I see the worry and conflict there, but she finally nods. “Okay.”
I peck her lips softly with mine before pulling back and standing up, following Nash into the kitchen. “What?”
“What?” His eyes dart back to the living room where Rae is still seated on our couch. He looks back to me. “Her stepfather is Da Silva. He already had it out for you and now, he’s really going to.”
“She’s afraid of him.” We don’t talk about this. Mostly because she won’t talk about it with me, but I’m sick of Nash being so cold to her and acting like she’s the enemy.
“Has he hurt her?”
“I don’t know. She won’t tell me. She says he hasn’t, but I’ve seen the way he looks at her. He’s a creep.”
He folds his big arms, tanned from hours spent out in the sun working construction. “She isn’t our responsibility. You’re putting yourself in danger. You get that, right?”
“She’s my responsibility.”
“You’re seventeen. Barely. You can’t be responsible for another person.”
“And why not? You were at that age.” I know it’s low to throw that back at him, but it’s true. He’s taken care of me all these years, and I know he’s worried, but this has got to stop. I soften my tone. “We weren’t doing anything wrong.”
“It looked like things were getting a little heated.”
I snort because it was just a kiss. “Who knew you were a prude?”
He unfolds his arms and shoves me playfully. “I’m not, asshole. I just don’t want to see you ruin your future.”
I glance over into the living room, pretty sure Rae can’t hear us. She seems to be watching television. “She’s my future.”
When my eyes meet Nash’s, I see a deep-seated worry in them as he swallows and his gaze travels to Rae. He shakes his head, his shoulders slumping a bit. “You’re in way too deep, little brother.”
“That’s for me to decide,” I stand taller, “big brother.”
He nods and starts for the living room. “I’m ordering pizza for your birthday. Rae, if you’re allergic to anything, speak now.”
“Nothing,” she squeaks and straightens on the couch. I know he intimidates her, and I really hate that. Nash grumbles something before walking out the front door, probably to go mess around in the tool shed. He spends most of his free time working on an old motorcycle he bought for next to nothing.
I take a seat next to Rae and wrap my arm around her. “He can be an ass.”
“He’s a good brother.”
She never has anything bad to say about him. “He’s too protective.”
“He loves you.” She turns to me, her pretty eyes and pink, pouty lips on full display. “How could he not?”
“I’m not as good as you think I am, Rae.” It’s true. Before she came to school, I was always doing stupid shit. Spray painting buildings and bridges around town. Drinking with Tammy and Tanner. Stealing pointless things from the local store because I could. Being all-out destructive out of boredom and anger.
Just because I wasn’t caught didn’t mean I wasn’t well on my way to a dead-end life. But then Rae came along and made me smile. She made me want more. Made me think that maybe I could go to art school. That pulling myself out of this life was possible.
I have hope now. Something I’ve never had. And I started working my ass off in school, wanting to prove that I could someday be good enough for a girl like her.
“You’re very good, Lawson Davis.” She brushes her small, cold hand over my cheek. She’s always cold, even when it’s hot. She kisses me softly, and this time we aren’t interrupted. Although, we should probably go to my room if we want any privacy.
I can’t get myself to move from this spot and instead, I just tuck her small body under mine as our hands explore each other’s bodies through our clothes.
I pull back enough to look at her, bracing my weight on one arm. “You’d tell me if you were truly afraid of something, right? If you need me?”
I watch her delicate throat move as she swallows. “Oh, I need you,” she says playfully and pulls on the front of my shirt, trying to yank me back to her, but I resist.
“I mean it, Rae.”
Her eyes flutter closed and then open as I watch her take a deep breath. “I’m okay, Law. I promise.” She pulls me to her again, weakening my resolve. “Now kiss me.”
Right before my lips meet hers, I breathe against her lips, “I love you, you know?”
“You shouldn’t.” Her voice is quiet and quaking before she says, “I love you too though.” And then she captures my mouth in a kiss that lights my insides on fire and yet makes them ache with sadness at the same time.
Because I don’t know if I can truly protect this girl I love.
* * *
“Happy birthday!” I groan as Tammy bounces on my bed, hitting me with a pillow.
I cover my eyes with my arms. “Go. Away.”
She just laughs. Truthfully, her throaty voice that sounds like it’s been doused in whiskey is music to my ears as she leans closer to me. “Fuck, no. It’s your seventeenth birthday! We’re celebrating.”
I groan again, not moving my arms from my eyes. “I knoooow. You’re supposed to let me sleep in.”
She spent the night with me last night. Since it was a Sunday, I didn’t think my mother would allow her to stay, but she surprised me. She even bought us dinner and lots of snacks. Of course, we had to listen to Colin and her screwing all night long, but whatever.
Thankfully, the television in my room has a volume that can overpower my mother’s over-the-top moaning. There’s no way he’s that good.
I flush, thinking about the orgasms I’ve had with Lawson. Hating that the two memories are connecting. But I let the good overpower the bad, and Lawson’s beautiful face comes into my mind, as well as his hands and his mouth.
A shiver flows through me, but then Tammy’s body flops down next to me. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing.” I look over at her, and she giggles.
“Yeah well, your ears are red.”
I instinctively cover them. “They are not.”
I hit her with the pillow, and we laugh. “Whatever, birthday girl. Get your ass up so we can get school over with. Then I’m taking you out for a milkshake.”