Don’t worry. Someone else already told me.
My anger was instant. I was telling her how slutty she looked while Eli was telling her the opposite. She didn’t need me to tell her. She didn’t need me to be anything for her.
Eli is a douchebag.
Her next response was instant.
Says the biggest douchebag I know. Do you need something, Carson?
No. I was just trying to be nice.
Well, don’t. It’s weird and giving me whiplash.
I grinned at her sass. It was one of the things that I had loved most about her once upon a time. It usually pissed me off now.
Noted. Back to being an asshole, I go.
She didn’t respond after that, and I knew I should have put my phone down and left it at that. But I couldn’t.
So I sent one last text message before I clicked off my phone and slid it back into my pocket.
Don’t date Eli.
Then I turned around and faced the girl who was still waiting for me.
“I’m going to have to run.” I ran my hand over the back of my neck.
“You have somewhere you need to be in the middle of the night?” She didn’t believe a word I said.
“I do. A friend needs me.”
“Is that why you were grinning down at your phone? I’m a big girl, Carson.” She stood and grabbed her shoes from the floor. “You can just say that you’re going to fuck someone else.”
“All right.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m going to fuck someone else.” I was such a damn asshole.
She may have cared as little about me as I did her, but her face still fell when the words left my mouth.
“I can’t believe you.” She passed by me and headed straight for the door.
I didn’t waste time as I followed her out. I needed to get out of this house. It smelled of beer and sex, and there were far too many bodies passed out on almost any available surface.
“Do you need a ride home?”
She turned around and stared at me like I had lost my damn mind. Maybe I had.
“I’m not letting my parents see me pull up to the house with Carson Hale,” she snarled, her nose up, and I should have been offended but I knew she was pissed. I really didn’t give a damn what her or her parents thought about me.
“Suit yourself.” I pulled my keys out of my pocket and headed straight for the driveway.
I really didn’t want to go home, though. My fucking parents were there, and even though they were probably asleep, I didn’t want to deal with them. I never wanted to deal with them.
Not anymore.
Not after everything the two of them had done to each other.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and text Beck.
Cool if I come over?
His text was instant and always the same.
Of course.
I tended to spend more time at his place or Olly’s, and both of them knew why. If my parents weren’t fighting, they were gone. Gone with other people.
It had been that way for a long time. Ever since that night that changed everything. The night that changed my family. That changed my relationship with Allie.
That was the night that I realized that even the people you love the most could let you down. It was the people you loved the most who would let you down beyond belief.
I learned that lesson the hard way, but it wasn’t a lesson I would soon forget. The only people I trusted now, the only ones who I really let in, were Olly and Beck. They both knew about the problems in my family, but even they didn’t know the full extent of it. The only ones who knew that truth were Allie and Lucas, and I wished more than anything that neither of them knew shit about me.
I wished that none of it had ever happened, but wishing wouldn’t get me anywhere. I learned that a long time ago as well, because I had wished and wished and wished that my parents would change.
I wished that my father had never cheated on my mother, and I wished that I had never walked in on my mom after she found out.
That memory was nothing but a nightmare. I can still remember the way her face looked when her body was so limp, and I still hated her for it. I was far too young, and she was my fucking mother, but my father had been destroying her little by little over the years and it had finally become too much.
And nobody was there for me.
I didn’t have my mom, I couldn’t stand looking at my dad, and the girl I had been in love with let me down just like everyone else.
It had all felt like too much, and I hated even thinking about it.
I refused to think about it.
I climbed in my car and drove to the Clermonts’ house without thought. I blasted music and rolled down my windows to stop my brain from thinking of things that were better left alone. But I knew that it was impossible.
If I was going to convince Allie to stay away from Eli, if I was going to convince her that she was better off spending time with me, I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to bury everything I had felt for her anymore.
Allie was like an addiction. I didn’t want her, I knew she was fucking poison for me, but every time I saw her, I could feel myself gravitating toward her more and more. It didn’t matter that I hated her or had convinced myself I didn’t want her. Just the sight of her or the smallest inhale of her scent made me feel crazy.
I wanted her even though she was bad for me.
I wanted her despite everything that had happened in our past.
And that only made me hate her more.
I climbed out of my car and didn’t bother knocking as I walked inside. I knew Beck would leave the door open for me, and Mr. Clermont would die if I woke the whole house up in the middle of the night.
He was one of the nicest men I had ever met, but I still feared him enough not to test him.
As soon as I closed the door behind me, I could hear girly giggles coming from the living room. I smiled as I easily recognized Frankie’s overzealous laugh.
“Shouldn’t you all be in bed?” I rounded the corner, and the laughter died as soon as Allie’s gaze met mine.
“Shouldn’t you be off with some skank?”
I smiled because damn, these girls are protective.
Even though I’m still not quite sure how Josie feels about me, she makes it perfectly clear that when it comes to her friend, she will bury me before she lets me hurt her.
Fair enough.
But I don’t have any real plans of hurting Allie. Not really. Not with anything more than the bullshit banter the two of us have every time we see each other. I never wanted Allie to be close enough to me again for me to hurt her or for her to hurt me.
But I was going to have to change that now.
I was going to have to convince her to get close to me. I was somehow going to convince her to fall for me.
And I knew that the simple solution would be for me to just tell Allie the truth. Fuck, actually, that was exactly what I needed to do.
Wasting my time and effort on convincing her to fall for me was futile. Because she would never fall for me. I may have had the slightest chance one upon a time, but not anymore.
Not after the way I’ve treated her.
I just needed to be honest with her.
“You know I don’t bring the skanks home with me, Josie. They get too attached that way.” I winked at Josie, and she rolled her eyes at my douchebag move. “But speaking of skanks…” I turned my attention to Allie. “I overheard a bunch of the guys talking tonight, and I should warn you. Eli is only interested in you because of some bet.”