“I hate you.” I stared him straight in the eyes as I said it, and I meant it. This guy, this Carson that stood in front of me, he was nothing like the boy I used to know.
There was a flash in Carson’s eyes, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. It couldn’t be regret and I knew that my words didn’t hurt him, but there was something. It was there one moment and then it was gone. “Ditto, baby.”
Chapter Three
Carson
Allie had left hours ago, and I still couldn’t stop thinking about how stupid I had been. Being cruel to her was going to do nothing but push her directly into Eli’s arms, but I had been so angry when I saw him touching her. When I saw how pliable she had been under his hands.
Then she turned around and had that stupid fucking look on her face like he had just shown her the best time of her life. I wanted to pummel him, but more than that, I wanted to punish her. I wanted to ruin that moment she just had. I wanted her to hate it as much as I did.
So I pushed her like I always did, and I forced her to hate me. That was the only thing I was good at when it came to her.
But it wasn’t what I needed.
Guys like Eli and Lucas. They would ruin Allie, and as much as I hated her, I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t be that cruel even if she already thought I was.
Even though Allie had hurt me once upon a time, I couldn’t let them hurt her. Not like this. Allie was mine to fuck with.
She was mine.
That irrational thought played over and over in my head.
She was the furthest thing from what I wanted but somehow, she was still all I could think about. Even now, with the fine-ass nurse from earlier pressed against my body and kissing up my neck. Allie was all I could think about.
It was infuriating.
I dug my fingers into her hip and tried to concentrate on what she was doing. It felt good. Fuck, she felt good, but it also felt wrong. It always did.
After all the girls I had been with, it was never enough.
None of them were ever enough.
But they were enough of a distraction that I normally didn’t care. I need it. To distract my mind from everything that was going on around me.
From school. From my family. From her.
It never lasted long. There was only a small moment when I wasn’t thinking of her. Then the girls’ hair would remind me of Allie or remind me of how different she was. It was frustrating as hell.
I didn’t want to think about her.
If I could completely erase her from my mind, I would.
And that was exactly what I was trying to do now.
“Do you like that?” the girl mumbled against my skin, and the sound of her voice grated on my nerves.
“Yeah.” I gripped her arms in my hands and pulled her fully into my lap.
She moaned as her pussy pressed down against my erection. There was very little fabric separating the two of us, and I knew that she could feel exactly how hard I was.
I wanted her even though I didn’t. I just needed her body, her escape, a fucking moment away from the constant bullshit in my head.
She ground down against me, and I leaned back in the chair. We were alone in someone’s room, I had no fucking clue whose, and I could do anything I wanted to this girl.
Anything.
I knew that and so did she. She was eager and willing to let me do things to her body that I would probably remember for a very long time.
It was my idea of heaven.
Except I couldn’t turn off my fucking mind.
At least that was what I told myself, but the reality was that I wouldn’t think about her again after tonight. It felt like heaven and hell. She was nothing more than a quick distraction, a temporary high.
Her lips were full, but they weren’t as full as Allie’s. Her hair was brown and shiny, but Allie’s was so blonde that it seemed to attract the sun. It always had been.
I reached up and ran my fingers through her hair, gripping the strands right at the base. She leaned her head back with a seductive smile on her face. She was right there, completely open for me, and still, I hesitated.
She moved against me harder, my cock was about to kill me if I didn’t do something to her, but I just sat there. I let her ride against me through our clothes, and I held her hair firmly in my hands. She didn’t seem to mind. Her eyes were glazed over with want, and I knew if I touched her, she’d be soaking wet against me.
She pressed her hands to my shoulders and held on as she brought her mouth down next to mine. “What do you want, baby?”
There should have been a thousand things on my mind in that moment. I should have given her all the ways I wanted to fuck her around this room, but I couldn’t.
All I could think about was the way Allie had been smiling at Eli, and how I knew he was going to want to put her in this same position. He was going to want to fuck Allie like she was nameless and didn’t matter.
And I fucking hated that.
I knew that was exactly what I was doing to this girl. But it felt different.
I knew how fucked up that was, but it was true.
Allie wasn’t a virgin. I was almost one hundred percent positive of that fact. But I had rarely seen her show interest in any guy. She hadn’t dated anyone that I was aware of.
And Eli fucking Scott wasn’t going to be the guy who she thought would be her knight in shining armor.
I refused to allow it.
I wouldn’t be either, but I could keep her as far away from him as possible.
But he was already a thousand steps ahead of me. He made her smile, and I saw her put her number into his phone. And she didn’t fucking hate him.
That part was going to be tricky.
I shifted my hips and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket.
“What are you doing?”
I looked up from my phone at the girl who was still grinding against me. I held up a finger as I pushed myself out from under her. “Give me just a minute.”
It was after two in the morning, and I was almost certain that Allie was probably already in bed. But I still clicked on her name. I hadn’t called or text Allie in years. It felt odd.
But I refused to allow Eli to have the complete upper hand tonight.
I typed out a message to her, then erased it, then typed another. I did this over and over again as I thought about what to say to her.
I lied about you looking like a slut. You looked really hot tonight.
I hit Send before I could think better of it.
Her response came through my phone within a minute.
Who is this?
I grinned because she knew exactly who this was. Neither one of us had changed our phone numbers since we first convinced our parents to get us a phone when we were thirteen. Unless she had deleted my number. Shit. She might have done that.
Was there anyone else who was a complete ass to you tonight besides me?
Let me know and I’ll kick their ass.
The three little dots danced across my screen before they disappeared. Then they started dancing again.
“Carson, can’t that wait?”
I ignored the girl behind me and stared down at my phone.
Nope. Just you.
I don’t know what you want but leave me alone.
I just wanted you to know how good you looked.
I should have apologized for saying she looked like a slut, but I rarely apologized for anything, and I never apologized to her.