“What?” Frankie leaned forward to get a good look at my face. “What did he say?”
“He said that he couldn’t stop thinking about our dance last night and that he couldn’t wait to see me again.” I shrugged like it was no big deal, but the reality is that his text had made my heart race. Regardless of what Carson said, he had woken up this morning and thought of me.
“That’s so cute.” Frankie grinned. “What did you say back?”
“Nothing yet.” I dragged my feet through the warm water, back and forth. “I didn’t want to seem too eager.”
“Good girl.” Josie laughed before pressing a kiss to my cheek then sliding into the pool. “Make the boy work for it. No one deserves you if they aren’t willing to put in some work.”
“Do you…” I hesitated before taking a steadying breath. “Do you think he’s really just using me like Carson said?”
“No.” Josie’s answer was firm. “Carson’s just being an asshole. You know he always does this.”
“I know.” I looked back to the house because I knew Carson was still in there somewhere, and there was no way in hell I wanted him to hear me questioning everything because of a few simple words from him. “But Eli is on the baseball team, and we’ve never really interacted before. Maybe Carson is telling the truth.”
“He’s not.” Frankie climbed into the water, too, before turning to face me. “Whatever Carson’s problem is has nothing to do with these guys. It has to do with you. He’s not like this with anyone else.”
“I know.” I groaned and ran my fingers down my face.
“What happened between you two? I know you don’t really want to talk about it, but just give us something. It’s hard for us to understand when we have no details.”
I looked back to Frankie because I knew that she was close with Carson. She always defended me when he was being a jerk, but I knew she cared for him. It was hard not to when he didn’t hate you.
“What has Carson told you?” I gripped the edge of the pool with my hands on either side of my thighs as I waited for her answer.
“He hasn’t. He’s as tight-lipped as you are about it.”
“Come on, Allie.” Josie moved in closer to us. “We’re your best friends. We would never judge you or say anything about what happened. Did you two sleep together?”
“No.” I laughed. I wished it had been as simple as that. “I don’t know how much you all know about his parents.” I looked back at the house again before continuing. “But they used to be so happy. When we were younger, Carson and I were close, and I would spend so much time at his house and him at mine.”
“Okay?” Frankie encouraged me to go on.
“I used to be in love with him,” I admitted out loud to them something that I didn’t think I had ever said to anyone. “He was my best friend; he only cared about me as a friend, and I was in love with him.”
“What happened?” Josie put her hand on my knee, and I didn’t even realize that I was bouncing it until that moment.
“He was always interested in other girls. You know how he is. He can get any girl he wants. So, finally I decided that I was going to do the same. He didn’t see me as anything other than his friend, and it literally killed me. This was years ago.” I straightened and smiled and tried to play off how badly I had wanted him. “We were only fifteen at the time. He had just started hanging out with Lucas and the boys, and things were changing between us. I went out on a date, if you can even call it that, and he was so upset about it.”
“Because he loved you too.” Josie said it like it was so obvious, but she was wrong.
“No. He was just possessive. He didn’t want me, but he didn’t want anyone else to have me either. We got into a fight. The first one we had ever had because I went on the date. He blew my phone up while I was there, but I didn’t answer. I didn’t want him to ruin my chance with this guy who actually wanted me simply because Carson didn’t want him to have me, you know?” I looked up to the sky and took a deep breath. “He wouldn’t answer my calls or texts after. Wouldn’t answer the door. I was so angry with him because I thought he was just punishing me. But I was so damn wrong. His mom had caught his dad cheating the night before.”
Frankie’s shocked inhale told me enough. They may have been friends, but Carson hadn’t let them in. Not really.
“When Carson had gone home that night, he found his mother on her bathroom floor. She had overdosed on some pills she had in her cabinet and tried to kill herself, and he had been the one to find her. That was why he had been calling me. He was calling me because he needed me, and I wasn’t there.” I angrily wiped a tear from my face.
“You know that’s not your fault, right?” Josie looked back and forth between me and Frankie. “There was nothing you could do.”
“I know that.” I nodded. “But I should have been there for him. I should have been happy with being his friend, not trying to make him jealous. Because that’s all that date was. It was a ploy to try to get him to notice me as something other than his stupid friend, and I ruined everything.”
“Allie.”
I knew Josie was going to try to talk me off this ledge, that she was going to try to convince me that this was all on Carson and his family, but she was wrong. If I had only answered my phone and been there for him, we wouldn’t be where we are now.
He wouldn’t still hate me.
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head and planted a fake smile on my face. “He never talked to me anymore after that. Not other than to insult me one way or another, and that’s that.” I shrugged my shoulders and both girls looked concerned.
“I didn’t realize.” Frankie looked up at the house then back at me. “I didn’t know that about his parents. They are still together, and I didn’t think what happened between the two of you would be this serious. I just thought he was pining after you.”
“No.” I laughed, just as the door opened behind me. “A girl could only wish.”
I looked back over my shoulder to see Beck, Olly, and Carson walking outside. The three of them were talking, and I wasn’t sure if they had even noticed us yet. I turned back to the water and quickly wiped at my face. There was no way I would allow him to catch me out here crying. It didn’t matter if he didn’t have a clue, it was over him.
I refused to give him any ammunition over me.
Frankie laughed and squeezed my leg just as I heard running behind me. Then Carson bolted past me, close enough that I could easily reach out and touch him, and jumped into the water. He managed to splash all three of us, but I was happy for the distraction.
I wiped the water from my face as he came back to the surface with a grin on his face. Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him.
“I didn’t get you ladies wet, did I?” He grinned harder and Josie gagged audibly.
“I don’t think you could get any douchier if you tried, Carson.”
“Sure, I could.” He swam toward her, and she held out her hands.
“I swear to God, Carson. Do not. Beck!” But Beck was too far away, and Carson had already gotten Josie’s hand in his. He pulled her toward him, and she laughed as she tried to fight him off.