A lifestyle I will probably never have, but it’s fun to hang on the fringes of it. Pretend that you’re rich too.
Though I don’t care about that. Not really. I just want to be comfortable. Safe. Happy. I don’t ask for a lot. I’m not a demanding person. I’m quiet and prefer to hang in the background while surrounding myself with big, over the top characters.
I’m drawn to big personalities, what can I say?
“What about this?” Hayden pulls a black tank out to show me.
“It looks…really small.” I frown at the scrap of fabric.
It’s cropped. Low cut neck, snap buttons down the middle.
“It’s cute,” Gracie says encouragingly. “You’d look good in it.”
Hayden slips it off the hanger and tosses it at me. I have no choice but to catch it. “Try it on.”
I take off my T-shirt, a little self-conscious, but they’re not even paying attention to me. Too busy responding to whoever’s on their phones, their fingers moving rapidly over the screens. Maybe Tony and…Franz?
I can’t even with that name.
I pull the tank over my head, careful not to mess up my hair. I tug the shirt into place, quietly horrified that the tops of my boobs are basically on full display, along with my stomach.
“It’s definitely small,” I say, still pulling on it, trying to cover up some skin.
“Stop messing with it.” Hayden slaps my hand away before taking a step back, contemplating me with her head tilted to the side. “What do you think, G?”
Gracie comes to stand right beside Hayden, studying me with a narrowed gaze, tapping her index finger against her lips. “Looking good, Ellie.”
“I’m too exposed.” I wave a hand at my chest. “Look at me.”
“You look fabulous. Like I said, your boobs are spectacular. Not too big, not too small,” Gracie says.
“Just right,” Hayden adds.
I roll my eyes and walk over to the full-length mirror that hangs on Hayden’s wall. Oh shit. I am all legs and arms and tits, and normally I would never think of myself like that. I’m short for the love of God, and my legs are kind of stubby.
I don’t look stubby right now though. I look…older. On display, but not in a bad way.
“You don’t think it’s too much?” I frown at myself in the mirror, hating how insecure I suddenly feel.
I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard.
“No, I definitely don’t think it’s too much. You’re adorable.” Hayden comes up behind me and gives my shoulders a squeeze. “Adorably sexy.”
“I’m not used to showing so much skin,” I admit, pulling the waistband of my shorts up to cover my stomach.
Hayden slaps at my hand again before grabbing the denim at my hips and tugging them back down.
“It’s hot. You’re going to be burning up with all the people coming tonight. You’ll be grateful for this outfit later, trust me,” Gracie says.
“If you say so.”
“Jackson is going to swallow his tongue when he sees you,” Hayden says.
“I don’t care what he thinks,” I say, lying through my teeth.
“Uh huh. Well, then precious Carson will think you’re a not-so-secret hottie,” Gracie says with a laugh. “I’m so glad you invited him. He better show up.”
“Definitely. Jackson is going to get so jealous if there’s some guy sniffing around you,” Hayden says.
“Sniffing around me? Gross.” I put my hand in her face, but she just laughs harder. “I’m not trying to make him jealous.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Hayden singsongs. “I need to figure out an outfit for me.”
“Let me find you something!” Gracie runs to the closet and shoves Hayden aside. “I want it to be a surprise.”
My phone buzzes in my back pocket and I pull it out to find a text from…
Jackson?
Frowning, I tap my phone to read it.
You going to the party tonight?
I stare at his message, contemplating my reply. So grateful I didn’t reach out first. Does that make me a petty person? Probably.
But I don’t care.
“What’s got you frowning?” Hayden asks me.
I blink her back into focus and hold my phone out to her. “This.”
Gracie leans in to read the text too. “When was the last time you talked to him?” she asks through narrowed eyes.
“The night he kissed me.” They know all the details. There was no point in keeping it a secret. Plus, I wanted their input.
Like I do now.
“Don’t respond,” is Gracie’s advice. “Keep him wondering.”
“Nah, that’s not it,” Hayden says, slowly shaking her head. “Tell him you’ll definitely be there. With your new friend.”
Gracie cackles evilly. “I like that.”
“What if Carson doesn’t show up?”
“It doesn’t matter. Jackson will be curious, wondering about your friend. Male? Female? He’ll think female, because he’s just that arrogant,” Hayden says.
“You’re not wrong,” I tell her with a little laugh.
“Right. So he’ll show up, perfectly prepared for fangirl Ellie to hang all over him,” Hayden continues.
I wince. “Was I that bad?”
“You were kind of bad,” Gracie says, not unkindly. Just very matter of fact. I see the sympathy in her gaze and it’s reassuring. “I’ve been there. I feel you.”
“What will be great is you won’t give him any of that. Not an ounce of fangirl behavior. You will ignore him,” Hayden says.
“I will?”
“Yes.” She nods. “Ignore him the entire night, but make sure you’re always standing nearby. Close to him, but not too close. Always in his peripheral.”
This sounds silly. Why avoid him, but also make sure he can see me?
“Don’t frown. This kind of shit works,” Gracie says.
“It’s just a bunch of game playing,” I say, throwing my hands up. “I don’t like playing games. I’m more the straightforward type.”
“Yeah, but that’s not how it’s done. Look.” Hayden comes to me, grabbing my shoulders and gently turning me so I have to face her. “I hate playing games too. Not every relationship has to be that way. And yes, there are people out there, that’s all they do. But sometimes, you have to work the system to your advantage. You have to play the game for a little bit. You need to do that with Jackson, if you want to be with him.”
“I don’t know if I want to be with him,” I say, my voice soft. Almost as if it doesn’t exist.
That’s how I feel when it comes to him. Online, on the phone, whatever, I exist. I’m in his world. In reality? Face to face? He runs. Avoids. Or says something shitty to make me run and avoid.
It sucks.
“Then maybe you shouldn’t respond to him at all,” Hayden says. “Maybe Gracie is right. You should ignore him.”
“I don’t know what I want,” I admit with a sigh.
My phone buzzes again and I glance down at it to find another text from Jackson.