Jackson just takes. He’d crash into me and demand whatever he could. My time, my adoration, my utter devotion. I gave it to him willingly, I always did, but I was blind to his selfishness. Always believing he would eventually return my feelings. How could he not? What we shared was amazing. We were connected. I’m realizing I was too dazzled by his aura, his face, his stupid voice to see what was really going on.
That he was just using me. I was a convenient crutch. The girl he could always count on being there for him. The girl he could never see beyond as a friend.
I was so blind.
“Thanks,” Carson says, tipping his head toward mine. “Maybe we could, uh, get together sometime? Go to a movie?”
Giddiness rises inside of me and I tell myself to remain calm. He’s asking me on a date. I’m definitely going to say yes. For sure. I need to give him a chance. Remind myself I don’t need to be starstruck in order to get with a guy. There are perfectly average, attractive guys out here in the real world waiting for me, eager to spend time with me. Like this one.
I part my lips, ready to say yes, when I spot him.
Jackson. Entering the kitchen. Alone. No girl hanging on his arm. His expression determined, his gaze sliding to mine.
I freeze, the words sticking in my throat. His eyes seem to almost bug out of his head as he makes his way toward us, staring only at me.
Oh. Shit.
Nine
Jackson
What the hell did Ellie do to herself?
I’m not complaining. Hell no. She looks…gorgeous. Sexy. All I see is skin. Her shoulders, her arms. Jesus, her tits. There’s a lot of her on display tonight, and I like it.
Eli and I showed up late, because that’s how we roll. He was on the phone with Ava for God knows how long. Probably jerking off to the sound of her voice, but whatever. I get it. He misses her something fierce and she misses him, and when he came out of the bedroom after their call, he told me he didn’t want to go to the party.
“Fuck that, you need to go,” I stressed when I saw the hangdog expression on his face.
I finally got him to agree. And now we’re here. The moment he walked through the door, Diego snagged him up and they’re neck deep in conversation. I let him go, knowing he’s also stressed about the game tomorrow.
I’ll probably only play the second half, if I get any field time at all. Meaning I’m a little nervous about tomorrow’s game, but not as much as Eli is. What’s funny is I didn’t pre-party like I originally planned. I pulled out the weed and the baggie of pills earlier, when I was still in my room. I even took a couple of pills out and held them in the palm of my hand.
Then I tossed them back into the bag and shoved it, along with the weed, into my bedside table drawer, irritated with myself. No alcohol is currently coursing through my veins either. I realized I’m tired of doing the same ol’ thing, day in and day out.
For the first time in a long while, I’m stone-cold sober.
Look at me. Acting like a grownup and shit.
I make my way to where Ellie is, only realizing at the last second that she’s with a guy. Who’s currently looking at her as if she created the moon and the stars just for him.
Considering what she’s wearing, and how gorgeous she looks, I can’t blame the dude.
“Hey.” I stop directly in between them, looking from her face to his. I thrust my hand toward him. “Jackson.”
“Carson,” he says, giving me a quick shake. “Nice to meet you.”
“How do you know Ellie?” I ask with a frown.
She sends me a look. One that says, get the hell out of here.
I return my own look, and it says, not a chance, babe.
I need to know who this guy is. Size him up. Is she interested in him? I hope to hell not. I don’t have a claim on her but damn…
Can she move on from me that fast?
Check your ego, Rivers. It’s a little out of control.
“We have two classes together,” Ellie answers for him, her gaze cold. “What do you want, Jackson?”
“Whoa, so unfriendly.” I send a cajoling smile in Carson’s direction and he smiles back, appearing confused. Poor dude. He has no clue. “Just wanted to say hi. You’re looking extra—good tonight.”
Her cheeks turn pink. “Thanks,” she bites out.
“You do something different to your hair?”
She immediately touches it. “I got it cut.”
“I like it, El. You’re looking fine, for sure.” I nod and smile, like I’m an easily agreeable, straight-up homie.
I’m not though. I can tell she wants to get rid of me, and I know why. She’s probably interested in this dude. I can tell he’s definitely interested in her, by the way he’s looking at her right fucking now.
I don’t like it. Not one bit. I bet she only just met this guy, and I can’t help feeling overprotective of her.
“Your friends are outside,” she tells me.
“Really?” I glance around, spotting almost every single one of them. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“Maybe you should go find them.” She tilts her head to the side.
“Unfortunately, they’re all engaged in other conversation. Tony’s currently lip-locked with Hayden. Caleb is getting his ass handed to him by Baylee. Diego and Eli are talking about tomorrow’s game. Jocelyn is with Gracie and some giant blond guy with a huge Adam’s apple. And…I think that’s everyone.”
Ellie scowls at me. Carson is completely unfazed. Just keeps sipping from his can of beer, never taking his gaze off of her.
Probably can’t believe this fine ass chick is talking to him tonight. I understand where he’s coming from. He seems young—probably only a year younger than me, but sometimes I feel like I’ve aged about ten years in the last twelve months—and kind of dorky looking. Pale. Like he doesn’t get much sun because he’s inside all the time. I bet he’s a smart motherfucker who’s majoring in business and is really good with numbers.
Meaning, he’s the complete opposite of me.
“You’re talking about Franz,” Ellie says with an exasperated sigh.
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“The giant blond guy with the Adam’s apple,” she says. “His name is Franz.”
“And who the hell is Franz, exactly?” I ask.
“Gracie’s new guy,” she answers. “He’s from Germany.”
Ah. Gracie. Of course she would go out with a guy named Franz.
“I’ve been to Germany,” Carson says with a smile. “Went to Berlin when I was fourteen.”
“What did you think of it?” Ellie asks, her eyes wide. “I’ve always wanted to go.”
“It’s beautiful. I liked the city. Clean. Lots of cool buildings. Modern mixed with old. Most of the city was blown up in World War II,” Carson says.
“I’ve always wanted to go to Europe,” Ellie says to him, reaching out to touch his knee. “Have you been to any other country over there?”
“We went to France too,” Carson says, his gaze dropping to his knee, where Ellie is still touching him.
My gaze is there too. She’s not usually so forward. At least not with me. Seeing her touch this guy, a guy she doesn’t even really know, makes me want to get all caveman and grab her.