Blackjack was a medic back in the Army over a decade ago. He’s familiar with a lot of medical shit, so I don’t have to explain myself. “I’m sorry, brother. How’s your mom and sister holding up?”
Now I’m the one shrugging. It’s like I don’t know what to say anymore, but what else can I say? The situation sucks and I have no control over this shit. Not one ounce of it. If I did, I’d trade spots with my dad in no time.
“They’re doing the best they can, given the circumstances.”
“I’m sure. If you need anything, and I mean anything, you let me or Zane know. We’ll do whatever we can to make sure you and your family are taken care of.”
Since he’s bringing it up, I’m just gonna tell him what I’ll need. “When I go off to Los Angeles, I’m going to need you to check in on them, make sure they’re doing alright.”
Blackjack shoots me a concerned glance. “You sure you’re still up to going? There’s a lot happening on the home front for you.”
I know what he’s trying to say, but I need to keep on my path. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that you can’t ever expect anything. I’m not gonna let this hold me back, ‘cause I have obligations to the club. Obligations I can’t just walk away from.
After I got hurt and my dreams of being a superstar NFL player were shattered, Zane asked if I wanted to prospect for the club. When he did, it gave me a sense of purpose I wasn’t able to find anywhere else.
“I’m going to Los Angeles, VP. As crude as this might sound, I’m still going regardless of what happens here.”
Blackjack gives me a nod in understanding. “Alright, just wanted to offer you a way out. But while I have you, I noticed somethin’ the other day. You and Shiloh been taking time apart or something?”
“We’d need to be in a relationship to take a break, wouldn’t we?” I add a bit of laughter, so the mood isn’t too serious. Shiloh and I never said we were shit, but there were a few times I felt like we were.
Blackjack chuckles lightly and nods his head. “True, just wanted to make sure everything was okay. You’ve been going through a lot of shit.”
“I’m good man, but thanks.”
I start to walk away, but Blackjack clears his throat from behind me, causing me to turn around. “Take it from someone who’s been there, don’t let something good slip between your fingers. I almost lost Ash, and I’m here thanking God I didn’t.”
I glance over to Ashley and see her at a booth with Shiloh sitting across from her. The way she smiles makes my heart swell, and I miss her laughing at my stupid ass jokes. I miss the way we’d Netflix and chill down here in the club, and while it never got far enough to have anything sexy happen, I do wish it did. I crave her more than I care to admit, and maybe, just maybe, I need to work on fixing this shit between us.
“He’s right, you know,” Zorro pipes up, coming from behind me.
“Didn’t realize you were eavesdropping,” I mutter. Zorro and I butt heads a bit and we’re never usually on good terms, so him listening to my conversation with Blackjack doesn’t sit well with me.
“I wasn’t, but I walked up on the latter part of it. If I never would’ve made a move with Ruby, then I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now. And look, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but that shit’s in the past. Don’t let a woman slip through your fingers, not when she’s one of the good ones.” Zorro was in a relationship with Shiloh when she was a clubwhore a few years back. If anyone knows her character and what type of woman she is, it’d be him.
Crazy how her ex is the one telling me what type of woman she is. I know it all too well. It’s not like we never hung out together.
There’s just one issue. I’m moving to Los Angeles soon, and if I get close to her again, I could break both of our hearts. I don’t wanna hurt her, but I need to make this right. I need to have her in my life again.
Chapter Four
Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives
~Unknown
Shiloh
Ashley had the baby yesterday after a grueling thirty hours of labor. I can’t imagine the pain she went through to get their new baby girl, but Blackjack’s called the club and promised everyone as soon as they’re both cleared to come home, he’ll bring them in. He didn’t share the baby’s name yet, but he did tell us it was a girl. He acted like none of us knew, but Ashley can’t keep a secret to herself to save her life.
Jordyn and Nova have already been running around, preparing for their newest cousin to come home. They bought streamers, a baby girl sign, and a few other cute things. I’m sure they’ll be baking later tonight. If one of Roxy’s youngest girls doesn’t go to some sort of culinary school, I’m going to be shocked. Jordyn and Nova are always wanting to help out with the club barbeques, whether it’s baking or preparing some sides. They’re lovely girls and we’re blessed to have them.
Stiletto comes in through the front door and scans her eyes across the clubhouse, but once her eyes land on me, she heads over in my direction. I know she was on gate duty this morning, ‘cause when I got back from running to get some groceries, she had to buzz me past the gates. It was her and Ripper posted there.
“Hey, you busy, or do you have a sec?” She questions me with a concerned look plastered across her deep red-mahogany eyes. She’s typically the type who says it straight, but not today. Today she’s giving me the feeling something’s going on.
I swallow hard and nod, motioning for her to follow me into the room where we have couches lining the walls and a massive flat screen tv. “Everything okay?” I don’t waste time asking her my question. Obviously, something is going on. Thoughts run through my mind at what it could be, but I’m more worrisome something’s gone haywire with the club. Dracus, Hammer, Razor, and Tex all went on a run this morning to a nearby town and I know they’re supposed to be back any time now. As much as I tried not to, my eyes were locked on the clock today, counting down the time until he came back in through the clubhouse doors. I’ve made a decision when it comes to the two of us. I’m letting the past stay in the past, and I’m going to give this another go between us. I don’t know if it’ll amount to anything, or even if he wants to try this with me, but I know I can’t hold myself back.
Stiletto clears her throat and brushes her hand through her thick red hair, “Look, I don’t know how to say this, but there’s some lady at the gate. She’s claiming she’s your mother and she needs to talk to you this instant. She’s being a drama queen out there, but no way was Ripper or myself going to let her through.”
My mother? It can’t be her, can it? “What did she look like?”
“Eh, blonde, maybe mid-fifties? She has bright blue eyes and she’s super skinny. Wearing a big rock on that finger of hers and has a diamond cross around her neck.” Well, the description she’s given is accurate enough for me to want to see if it’s really her or not.