I shrug my shoulders, giving him a sheepish smile. “Thank you nonetheless.”
“I heard you like to volunteer at the women’s shelter. Chase told me,” Maverick adds at the end.
I’m not worried about whether Chase betrayed my trust about my past. I know he wouldn’t do that to me.
I had to go through a process of being completely ashamed and embarrassed.
“I do. I’ve grown really close to this little boy there named Ronny. He’s eight and he’s obsessed with books.” I grin widely thinking of Ronny.
The waiter comes and we order our food. Maverick scoots closer to me so he can hear better over the music.
I put my napkin in my lap and smother butter on a roll, taking a bite. I close my eyes, savoring the taste.
Food is something I’m still getting used to. All of these months later I won’t leave a single bite on my plate if I can help it.
I open my eyes to see Maverick’s gaze on my lips, his jaw clenched as I lick the butter off. I take my napkin, wiping my face in embarrassment.
“Ronny is a special little boy,” I continue. “His mother is not the best to him, unless she’s different once I leave. I understand she may be dealing with things, but Ronny is hurting too.”
“Do you know why they’re there?” he asks, his muscles clenched as he butters a roll.
How can the small movement of buttering a roll be attractive?
I shrug. “I didn’t really ask, but I know it was an abusive past. I’m sure it was Ronny’s father or a stepfather.”
“I would love to meet Ronny.”
I sit up in my seat, excited that he wants to meet him. The more people in his corner the better, in my opinion. “Come with me any time. I’m going back tomorrow morning.”
Maverick smirks. “I would love to spend the day with you tomorrow.”
There go those darn butterflies again. I smile sheepishly and look down at my lap, trying to tell my cheeks to stop turning red.
Dinner flies by. We talk nonstop about anything and everything. It’s one of the best nights of my life.
Now we’re heading to my house. I’m kind of dreading that he’s going to leave and go home, but I’m thinking of that fact that he’s planning on going to the center with me tomorrow.
I reach over and put the code in the gate. The doors swing open and he drives through.
He turns off the bike and turns around to look at me. I chew on my bottom lip, wondering if I should invite him in—or is that too forward?
Hell, today has been all about firsts for me. I think I just had my first date ever at thirty-eight years old.
“Do you want to come in and watch a movie?” I ask, the nerves immediately settling in.
“I’d love to, darlin’.”
I unlock the door and he follows me inside. The house is quiet and I try not to overthink and imagine the worst.
What if he tries to have sex with me? I’m not ready for that yet. I need that complete trust before I know I can bare myself completely.
My next worry is, what if someone doesn’t want to wait for me to be ready? What if they see me as less of a woman?
I close my eyes for a couple of seconds, breathing deep, trying to stop the thoughts that have taken over my brain.
I take the remote off the coffee table and sit down. He sits directly next to me, and our thighs graze.
My mouth dries. I was with him for hours during dinner and I didn't have any kind of nervousness, but right now I feel exposed.
I try to breathe and not have a complete panic attack. It’s not even Maverick, it’s me and my thoughts that have driven me to this.
Maverick
I watch as Bell transforms right before my eyes. She was fine, laughing and smiling so fucking beautifully that it hurt.
Now she’s trying to catch her breath, her hands shaking as she runs them up and down her legs.
I slide to the floor in front of her, making sure she can see me. I take her hands, which she’s running against her legs. “I’m here, darlin’. Shhh.” I run my fingers over the top of her hand.
Her eyes are slightly glazed over, but little by little, she starts to come back, her breathing normalizing.
“There you are, darlin’.” I smile, seeing her beautiful eyes staring back at me, clear and panic free.
Her bangs have fallen in her face once again. I lift my hand to push her hair behind her ear, when she flinches.
She flinches so hard, she clenches her eyes shut and braces herself like I was going to hit her.
That’s when it fucking hits me like a ton of bricks, someone has hurt her. Someone has laid their hands on her.
Rage unlike anything I’ve felt before powers through me, wanting revenge.
I push it down, saving that for another fucking day.
“Hey…I won’t hurt you.” I slowly press my finger under her chin, until she’s looking at me.
She’s horrified by her reaction, I can tell.
“Don’t look like that, darlin’. It doesn’t change a fucking thing. Just means I need to be more careful around you. I want you to be many things, and scared isn’t one of them.” I throw in a wink, emphasizing the double meaning.
She blushes once again and that shit does something to me. I want to run my tongue along every single part of her that’s red. I want to feel that heat beneath my tongue.
One day. Right now it’s about her.
She lets out a deep, ragged breath. “Thank you for understanding.” She gives me a deep look.
I press my hand to her burning cheek. “I’d never not understand. I want you to feel safe around me. Never hide that from me,” I tell her.
Her head falls forward until her face is buried in my neck, her arms around me. I don’t hesitate. I stand up and put her in my lap, allowing her to take whatever the fuck she wants from me.
I pull the blanket tight around her, tucking her in. I don't know if that fucking helps her, but it seems like the right fucking thing to do.
Bell
I can’t believe that I had a panic attack right in front of Maverick. Then when I realized I was having it, it got even worse because I didn’t want to have one in front of him.
I’m not scared of Maverick. I just think old thoughts and feelings came out of nowhere, overwhelming me.
Right now? It’s complete heaven. My arms wrap tightly around Maverick, holding him close.
For the first time in my whole entire life, I feel safe.
I feel safe in every part of my being, emotionally, physically. When he said it doesn’t change a thing, that made me feel so much better.
“Thank you.” I lift my head from his shoulder and look at him. He turns his head and smiles.
He lifts his hand, running his fingers through my hair, rubbing slightly. “It isn’t a thing, darlin’. How you feel is what’s important.”
Gosh, my heart.
The way he speaks to me, I’ve never had that before. I smile sheepishly and lean back over, lying on him once again.
I breathe deeply. The way he smells is intoxicating.
I can’t believe I’m brave enough to lie here with him.
But most of all, without fear.
“Sleepy?” He runs his hand down my back, pulling me tightly into him. Gosh, the way he feels is absolutely amazing.