I look at Jessica. “I had you when I was fifteen.” I turn to look at River. “And I had you when I was nineteen.” I turn my focus back to Jessica. “I almost died when I had you, Jessica. I was really small for my age, and underweight—it was hard.”
I see the man next to her tighten his grip on her hand. I can tell that he loves my girl and it makes me happy that she has that.
Jessica leans closer and takes my hands. “If you had a chance to leave, would you?”
I nod without hesitation. ‘I want to get out of here. I tried to leave, but he found me and I was in the hospital for weeks for how bad I was beaten. I have no family, no money…” I trail off because the possibility of me leaving here diminishes every day.
Jessica tightens her hand on mine. “You have family. We came here today to get you out of here.”
My entire world implodes. I did not expect that. “But why would you want to do that, after everything that I did?” I whisper, my heart aching with so many emotions.
She smiles. “You did it to protect us. You were fifteen years old; that was so brave.”
I look at River and she has tears in her eyes.
“Okay.” I nod and let the tears that I haven’t dared let fall trickle down my face.
Jessica wraps her arms around me. I let the pain I’ve been feeling for so long go and just weep for myself, for my kids and the life I have suffered for so long.
“Wait, what’s your name?” she asks. I laugh and wipe the tears from my face “Isabella, Bell for short.”
Jessica stands. “Want to pack your things and we can get out of here?” she asks.
I push myself out of the chair, trying to hide how horrible I’m feeling. My husband never really cared to make sure I was fed. He monitored everything I ate because he didn’t want his wife overweight.
But it’s gotten extreme because of River visiting me and I wouldn’t tell him who she was to protect her.
“Do you mind if we invite our friends in?” Jessica asks, looking to the door.
“Of course not.”
The guy with Jessica walks over and opens the door, and two girls and two guys walk inside.
I walk into my bedroom, not looking at the bed because I can’t stomach the sight of it.
I usually lay in my bed long enough for my husband to do what he wants to do with me, then I crawl down onto the floor, then get right back up before he wakes up for his breakfast.
Shaking away the memories, I gather one of my old bags from the closest, trying to ignore the fact that these people are seeing me at my absolute most vulnerable.
I place some of my clothes into the bag, and a cold draft of air drifts over me, causing me to shiver hard. “I’m sorry it’s cold in here. He doesn’t like the heat on unless he’s home,” I explain quickly.
Then I’m hit with anger at the thought of this being my life for so long and that he begrudges me the simplest requirements in life.
I spin around and look over at the thermostat. Stomping over, I turn the heat on. “It doesn’t matter now, does it?” I ask myself more than the girls.
We all get busy packing the rest of my things, just as Jessica’s phone rings and she puts the phone up to her face, grinning.
A lady’s voice comes over the phone. “He just said a word, he said momma!”
Jessica’s eyes flash beautifully. “How is Mommy’s baby?” she coos, and I hear a lot of baby talk over the phone.
She gets off of the phone and looks at me. “You have a baby?”
She smiles. “You have a grandchild.”
My whole body warms with joy. I am a grandmother. “That makes me so happy.” I close up my bag, fully packed.
“Ready?” Jessica asks, taking my bag from me.
She takes my hand and River takes the other, leading me out of the room.
In the living room, the guy with Jessica walks over. “Oh, this is Chase, Chase this is Bell,” she introduces us.
“It’s so nice to meet you. Thank you for taking care of my girl.” I smile at him softly. I know without a doubt that he loves my girl from the way he looks at her.
“Ready to go?”
I take a deep breath. “Yes, I’m more than ready to go.”
The front door slams open. I freeze in complete terror, knowing that Michael’s home and he’s going to witness my leaving. “Bitch, what did I say about turning the heat on!” he yells at the top of his lungs, slamming the door shut and facing all of us.
Chase and the other guys move in front of us, basically covering all of us with their bodies.
His eyes move to Jessica, then to River and then back to me. “What the fuck did you do, bitch?” he snarls, sending shivers up my spine and slinging his arm in my direction.
I’m sickened to even be in his presence. It takes everything in me not to scream for the girls to leave.
Jessica and River tighten their hold on my hands. “It’s okay, we will protect you. He can’t hurt you anymore,” Jessica whispers in my ear.
“Angel, why don’t you ladies go on out to the vehicle?” Chase asks and hands Jessica the key.
The guys surround us and lead us to the door while my husband screams, “Bitch, where the fuck are you going? Get back here!’
The door is slammed shut behind us and I get inside of the SUV. I look at the house, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I will never be back inside of that.
1
Bell
A few days later
The adjustment to my new life has been hard, but it’s been almost the easiest thing I have ever done.
I just slept and slept because I was so emotionally exhausted and for so many years I never fully rested.
Today I’m going to the doctor to do a full checkup. I haven’t been to a doctor since I got married, unless I was giving birth or close to death from being beaten.
But this is bliss. I never realized the pleasure in small things in life like simply being able to just eat in peace.
Michael monitored every single thing I ate because he didn’t want me to get fat.
And that’s not even counting the abuse I suffered at his hands. I can’t even think about it right now. I also know that I need to see a therapist, to work out the things that have been ingrained in my mind.
I gave up on the idea of love a long time ago. I was wary of Michael at first because I’ve seen what men are capable of first-hand.
But the more time I’ve been out of that life, the more I realize how weird my situation was. He threatened daily to tell the leaders in the church that I was supposedly misbehaving. I did attend the church with him, but I had to sit and be the dutiful wife. The ladies in the church were not allowed to converse with each other.
It was weird, the way we dressed and how we were supposed to act. Honestly, I think it was a cult. I was a part of a cult and I never even realized it until I got a taste of life.
We pull up in front of the doctor’s office and I squash the nerves, because in the end there’s nothing in this world that can be worse than what I have suffered.
It’s a blur as I’m checked in and taken straight back to a room, where my blood is drawn and I’m ordered to pee into a cup. Then I change into a gown.