“When was the last time you were examined?” the doctor asks.
“When I gave birth to River,” I confess, I squeeze my girl’s hand, gathering my courage. “I feel like I need to tell you, I’ve been sexually assaulted regularly by my husband since I was fourteen years old. Well, up until a few days ago.”
It’s like a huge burden has been lifted off. I feel like I needed to speak those words out loud. I don't want it to be this huge secret.
“I’m not going to be ashamed of what happened. I will not let myself feel bad for any of it. It was not my fault. I was forced into that life. It’s time for me to be happy and feel good about myself.”
I’m not sure where this strength has come from, but I’m thrilled. I’ve gotten a part of myself back, one I thought I lost a long time ago.
I’m settled into the bed and I immediately go back into my safe place, the place that has managed to keep me sane over the years.
The doctor covers me, and I sit up and wait for her to speak. “You need to take it easy after a while. You need to rest and heal. I’m going to prescribe you some antibiotics for any kind of infection.” She hands me the script then turns serious. “You are way underweight; you need some proper nutrition.” She hands me an eating plan in a small booklet.
I get clothed again and I’m so glad this is over. It wasn’t as bad as I originally thought it was going to be.
Hunter my grandson is at Chase’s mother’s house. Chase had some work today in his office. Jessica, River and I walk out into the truck and I smile at the warm sun beaming down at us.
I love the warmer weather here.
Then I see him step out behind the truck—Michael. I can’t stop the panic that fills me to my core at the sight of him here from all the way from Michigan. His face is almost unrecognizable, it looks like someone beat him within an inch of his life. He smiles, and teeth are missing in the front.
“Michael,” I gasp and stop dead in my tracks. The girls surround me. Jessica takes out her phone and texts someone.
Michael is going to find out who these girls are. Jessica looks identical to me. “You’re coming home with me!” He points at me, screaming loudly. I flinch with every single word.
“She is not!” Jessica screams back at him.
Michael’s eyes narrow on me. “Yes she is. How do you think I found her? She left me once and I put a tracker in her ring,” he gloats, and my stomach sinks.
I pull the ring off my finger and throw it down on the ground. The ding ding of the ring hitting the concrete is piercing.
I take a step towards him, putting myself in front of the girls, “No, leave me alone!” I scream, unleashing so much of the anger I have for him.
His expression changes to one I recognize, one that caused me so much pain and suffering. “Bitch, you are going to pay for that.
Shivers move up my spine, every single hair on my body standing up. I can’t even fathom what he would do to me if he got ahold of me.
I know that I would probably be dead.
He steps closer to me, so close I can see every single pore on his face.
“She isn’t going to pay for anything. She isn’t going anywhere with you,” Jessica defends me.
He smiles at all three of us, “Oh yes she is.”
He starts in our direction. I look at the girls, going to tell them to run, but Jessica surprises me by taking a gun out of her bag. “Think again, fucker.” She points it directly in his face.
He stops dead in his tracks. “I…I…” he stutters and looks around like something is going to happen.
“I guess you didn’t expect me to be armed. On your fucking knees or I’ll blow your dick off,” Jessica demands, and my eyes widen. I look at River, who looks proud.
I watch as he pales and starts to kneel on the ground. Just then a truck roars into the parking lot, and Michael takes that opportunity to run.
He speeds out of the parking lot and Chase’s truck pulls up next to us. Chase runs straight to Jessica, taking her gun from her, pulling her to him.
I take River’s hand and pull her to me, keeping an eye out so she doesn’t come back. “What the fuck happened?” Chase asks.
“Michael was here. He had a tracker in my ring,” I answer, my voice cracking as the nerves set in.
“Fuck me!” Chase growls, and wraps his arms around all three of us, helping us into Jessica’s car. “You should go home. I need to go find that fucker.”
Chase hands her back her gun, and she slips it into her purse and slams the door shut.
I’m in the passenger seat and River’s in the back. Jessica drives halfway across the lot, and my heart drops to my stomach.
Michael is driving straight towards us. I grip Jessica’s arm and she puts the car in reverse, causing him to swerve around us.
Chase’s truck roars in front of us, putting himself in between us and Michael. Michael does a U-turn and then floors straight towards us again. Chase moves in front of us again so he’ll hit him instead of us.
Then Michael changes course and leaves, getting onto the interstate. My only hope is that he’s heading back to where he came from.
Hopefully this is the last time I’ll ever see him.
2
Bell
Three months later
I walk into Hunter’s room to see if he’s awake. He has been a bright light in my life.
The way he smiles, the way he laughs. He’s perfect. When the days get rough because of my past, he makes the pain go away.
Jessica already has him out of his crib and is holding him. I smile and walk over, running my hand down the back of his head. “Good morning, honey,” I tell Jessica.
“Good morning, Mom. Did you sleep good?”
“I did,” I answer. I slept as well as I can considering the nightmares that I just can’t escape from. I tried to take melatonin to help me rest, but I think it made the dreams worse. “I’m fixing to leave to go to therapy. I’ll be back home in a few hours. What are you guys planning on doing later?” I wonder if they want me to make dinner for them and give them the night off with Hunter.
“I think I may have an appointment.” Jessica sucks in her lips, like she’s trying not to smile.
It hits me when I reach the bottom of the stairs. I turn to look at her, my stomach filled with butterflies. “Are you?”
She smiles so beautifully. It makes me so happy to see both my daughters so happy. “The test said yes.”
I run to her. “Oh my god!” I say loudly and hug her tightly.
Jessica laughs and hugs back just as tight. Hunter’s wedged in between us and decides to join the hug too.
“Let me know what they say, honey.” I touch her cheek gently.
I wave as I walk out of the door and get in the car that Chase lets me use. It’s been hard for me to accept the gifts he has given me.
My first thought was, what am I going to have to do to pay him back?
After therapy, I’m volunteering at a women’s shelter. I’ve made a lot of great friends there. We’re going through this journey together.
The hardest part of volunteering there is seeing all of the kids, the haunted look in their eyes.