Dramatic but fucking true, mark my words.
“I don’t know what to say,” I finally admit.
“You gonna help her with the baby?” Tony asks.
I shrug. “I dunno.”
“Gonna pay child support?”
I’m seventeen. Those words do not compute. “Will she make me?”
“She might. The baby is yours.” He sends me a look. “Right?”
“It’s definitely mine,” I say fiercely, tamping down the anger that wants to erupt. Jocelyn was my first. I was hers, too.
“Just making sure. Weirder things have happened.” He claps me on the back, giving me a gentle shove. “Like I said, good game tonight. See you at my house later. And don’t worry. You’ve got this.”
He leaves me where I stand, heading for his girlfriend. Her entire face lights up when he draws near and he pulls her into his arms, whirling her around before he kisses her.
Seeing them together leaves me shattered. Jealous. Everyone’s got someone. Well, except for Caleb, and he doesn’t mind because he’s currently surrounded by his fan club. They’re all jostling for a chance to get a photo with him, and it’s kind of pathetic, how they slobber all over him yet he doesn’t care about them whatsoever.
Caleb loves every minute of it though.
I keep my gaze on Caleb and his adoring ladies, wondering if my mom and brother came to watch the game like they promised they would, when I feel someone tap me on my shoulder. I turn to find Jocelyn standing in front of me. All by herself. Her expression is solemn, and she looks…
Beautiful.
Her hair is down, and she’s got a beanie tugged down low on her head, practically covering her eyebrows. Her face looks fuller and her eyes are sparkly. She’s wearing so many layers I have no idea if she’s got a baby belly yet, and my gaze automatically goes there, checking.
I can’t tell. And I sort of want to know.
“Good game,” she says, her voice scratchy, like it took a lot for her to say that. I bet it did.
“Thanks.” I can’t believe she’s here. Standing in front of me. That she willingly just spoke to me after that blow up we had in the parking lot a couple of weeks ago. We haven’t spoken since. About anything.
And there are things that need to be said between us.
“I can’t believe we won,” I tell her, because it’s the truth.
“You caught the winning touchdown.” A glimmer of a smile touches her lips, and seeing it gives me so much hope. Too much. “That’s pretty major.”
“Think someone got a photo of it?” I ask hopefully.
“Probably. Ask around. Someone from yearbook maybe? I’m sure someone caught your moment of glory,” she says.
I immediately regret asking that question. I sound like an egotistical ass. Typical. “Yeah. Maybe.” I let my gaze roam over her body, lingering on her stomach yet again. She’s wearing a thick school hoodie and joggers. Her body basically looks the same. “Ah, you feeling okay lately?”
“I am.”
That’s all she gives me.
“You know what you’re having yet?”
“No.”
“Going to find out?”
“Yes.”
“Jos.” I let my irritation show at her short answers.
“What?” Her eyes are wide, her expression innocent.
But she knows. She’s torturing me, and I’m sure she’s enjoying it.
I deserve it for what I put her through when we broke up.
“You’re mad at me, and I get it, but there’s so much more going on than you know.” It’s my turn to clear my throat, and I become uncomfortable. “I’d like to—help you in any way I can. If you’re cool with it.”
“Help how?” She lifts a brow, studying me.
“I don’t know.” I shrug, feeling inept. I am completely out of my element right now. “If you need someone to take care of—things.”
“What things?”
I think she’s trying to torture me. “You need money?”
“Not right now.” She glances around, as if sensing there might be prying eyes and ears. I’m sure there are. It’s not smart, having this conversation in front of everyone out on the football field. “We can talk about this some other time.”
“You going to Tony’s?” The words leave me before I can second guess myself.
“I wasn’t planning on it.”
“You should go.” I say with all the confidence I can muster. I’d beg her, but she’d tell me to get lost if I did that. “We could hang out.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Diego,” she says, her voice soft, her gaze cutting away from mine briefly. “We’re not together anymore. Remember?”
We stare at each other, and the longer we do, the more painful it is. My head is roaring. My heart is cracking. Sadness and frustration and even a hint of anger runs through my veins, boiling my blood. This isn’t…
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.
“We’re going to have a baby, Jos,” I finally say to her.
“Oh, I know.” Her gaze returns to mine, full of fire, and I think I touched a nerve. “Trust me. I’ve been dealing with it every single minute since I found out, while you’ve been out living your same life, oblivious to everything.”
If she only knew the shit I’ve been going through. “I’m not oblivious.”
“You so are. Asking me to go to Tony’s party, like I can stay up half the night and drink beer with the rest of you. I can’t drink, Diego. I can’t party. I can barely keep my eyes open past ten o’clock, I’m so exhausted all the time,” she says irritably.
Concern smacks me in the chest, and I take a step toward her. “Are you all—”
“I’m fine,” she snaps, taking a step backward, wrapping her arms around herself. “It’s just one of the side effects of being pregnant.”
See, I had no idea having a baby made a woman this tired this early in the game. Maybe she’s right.
Maybe I am oblivious.
“We should talk. And we can talk at Tony’s, okay? We can hole up in one of the bazillion rooms he’s got in that house and you can tell me everything that’s going on with you. What do you think?” I sound like I’m pleading. Begging. Old Diego would never go for this. I’d rather shoot myself in the nuts than beg a girl to spend time with me.
Now, I’m not above anything. I’ll do what it takes to get this girl—especially this girl—to talk to me again. To tell me what’s going on in her life. To explain to me where we went wrong, and why we can never make it right.
That’s the biggest question I have. I can’t make this right, and I don’t know why.
Well. I know why. She thinks I cheated on her.
But what if everything they said about me is a lie? If I told her that, she wouldn’t believe me.
I know she wouldn’t.
Jocelyn slowly shakes her head, not one ounce of regret in her gaze. “I can’t. Maybe another time.”
Before I can say anything else to keep her talking to me, she turns and walks away.
And never once looks back.