We reach the steps leading away from the river and move into single file again, pausing for a moment to catch our breath at the top of the steps before setting off along the lane. The forest is in view now, dark like a threatening thundercloud suspended in the sky.
‘I do understand,’ Amy says as we approach the cottage, ‘which is why this weekend is so important.’
A breeze lifts my hair as Amy unlocks the yellow door and steps inside. I hesitate on the doorstep, reluctant to go in, but it’s too late now: I’m here, and the weekend is in motion. A feeling of unease makes the skin at the back of my neck prickle as I follow her into the cottage. The forest pulls like a magnet, and I turn back to look at it again: the place where fourteen years ago, Hannah followed the path through the trees and never came back out. I hope we are doing the right thing.
*
Blackwood Independent, 26 April 2005
A student from Buckinghamshire University has gone missing.
Hannah Robinson, 21, was last seen on Monday 25 April after a lecture in the arts building on the university campus. The building is situated on Bertram Lane, on the eastern side of the campus, a mile away from Blackwood Forest. She was seen leaving the lecture theatre at just after five o’clock.
Close friends say it is out of character for her to disappear for such a long period of time without keeping in touch.
Hannah is five foot nine and of slim build, with waist-length fair hair. Anyone with information is asked to contact Blackwood police station.
Chapter Five
Amy pours us a couple of glasses of water and we sit out in the back garden, a decent-sized space with a small table on the flagstones outside the back door. The forest is out of sight when we’re seated, but the trickle of fear I felt just now hasn’t left me.
‘Just being in Blackwood where it happened brings it all back, doesn’t it? I can’t look at that bloody forest without remembering Hannah, and it’s going to be the same for all of us. You said you want to talk about the past, but why now, specifically? Has something happened?’
Amy sighs. ‘You always see through me.’
‘Yes, I do. You don’t do anything without careful planning, and I want to know what’s up. I won’t say anything to the others.’
‘Of course I want to discuss it; I didn’t want to jump into it the minute you arrived, that’s all. We’ve got so much else to catch up on.’
‘And we’ve got the whole weekend. We might as well make use of the time before the others arrive.’
‘OK, well, this may not be news to you, but have you heard anything about a podcast?’
‘No, about what?’ Unease flickers inside me.
‘What do you think? About Hannah. This guy got in touch with my mother. He’s a former journalist, fairly well known around here, and he’s setting up a new podcast about people who have gone missing in the county. Hannah’s story is one he’s going to feature. He asked my mother for my contact details. Mum was a bit of a guard dog during my illness; she acted like a gatekeeper, not wanting anyone or anything to upset me. He got in touch when I was still having chemo, and she told him I was unwell and she’d pass his details on. Said I’d get in touch later if I was interested.’
‘What’s his angle?’
‘Mental health. Mum said he sounded genuinely concerned about a spate of suicides amongst young people in Buckinghamshire, spanning several years.’
‘Are you going to talk to him?’
‘I haven’t decided. I wanted to speak to you guys first. I still can’t believe Hannah would kill herself.’
‘Don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m exactly the same. She could have reached out to any of us, but she chose not to, and that’s what hurts. We have to accept it and move on.’
Amy doesn’t look convinced. ‘Mum said the guy asked her if we’d ever thought they’d got it wrong.’ Her look is direct, her eyes sorrowful.
‘You mean the suicide verdict?’
She nods, just as a shrill ring bursts through the air, making me jump. Water spills from my glass, a cold splat on my leg. My hand feels unsteady as I wipe it away.
‘It’s Kat,’ Amy says as she reads the message.
Questions are bubbling on my tongue.
‘Do you think they got it wrong? That her death was an accident?’
Amy doesn’t answer.
‘Surely you don’t think … someone else was involved? Not suicide, but—’
‘I don’t know.’ She looks back at her phone. ‘I don’t want to go into it now. Kat’s on her way; she managed to get off work early. I assume Jade will be joining us on Saturday. I’m so pleased she’s finally met someone.’
‘Jade is great for her. It’s your turn next.’
‘Do you know what – I think I’m ready to date again.’
‘Yes. High five.’ We slap hands, although my gesture lacks energy – I’m still reeling from what Amy has just said.
Amy is blushing. ‘It’s not such a big deal.’
‘Of course it is. Amy Barnes is back in town. It means you’ve reached an important milestone – and that you’re finally over Phil.’
‘He did me a favour by walking out. What I had with him wasn’t love, I can see that with hindsight. I’m much clearer now about what I want from the people in my life. It’s the start of a whole new chapter.’
She sits back in her chair and a smile spreads across her face. I’d like to probe her further on what she meant about Hannah, but now is not the time.
‘It feels good, actually, because I never thought I’d get to this point. After Phil left—’
‘That coward. I’ll never forgive him for that.’
Philip and Amy had just celebrated three years together the week she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Within a week, he’d moved out. He went to work one morning and didn’t come home. Amy was in bits. So I can understand why she’s wary.
‘When I was at my lowest, probably the point at which I shaved my hair off, I remember looking in the mirror and thinking nobody would ever want me again. Last week I looked in the mirror and do you know what? I said to myself, “You’ve still got it, girl.” Then I went straight out and bought this jumpsuit.’
‘It’s lovely.’
‘Thanks. I deserve to have someone special to share my life with and to snuggle up to and lean on when the going gets tough. This time I’ll make sure I choose more carefully.’
‘Which is where I come in.’
‘Which is where you come in. My thoughts exactly. You’re a good judge of character and you’re a whizz with apps. Online dating. Where do I start?’
‘Luckily for you, one of my colleagues never stops talking about her dates, so I know quite a lot about it. She’s told me the sites she likes best. We can have a look through them together. I’m sure the others will want to help. You can show us what kind of look you’re going for.’
‘Look? I’ll make sure I go way beyond that this time. Phil was drop-dead gorgeous, but under the surface he was pretty selfish. It just took me a while to notice. I should have realised when he made me stop going to my evening class. He hated me going out without him.’