With a deep breath, I leave the toilets and come face to face with Michael, just as I knew that I would.
He’s becoming predictable.
Either that or I am becoming more in tune with his way of thinking. I don’t want to be in tune with the bastard at all, but this is all I can do right now.
“What’s taken you so long?” he asks as he peers into the ladies’ toilets before the door shuts.
“I felt faint and took longer than expected,” I reply, my voice quiet and shaky.
Michael places his palm on my forehead and makes a “hmmm” sound.
“You do feel a bit hot, and you’re clammy. I think that we should leave a few minutes early and get you home,” he says, putting his arm around my shoulders and holding me close. I stifle a sigh of relief at having pulled off the lie.
“That sounds good.” I smile, and he navigates us back to the project room to collect our stuff.
I feel so damn pleased with myself that I have managed to get one over on him, and this is only the beginning.
Chapter Eight
Breaking ground
My weekends consist of doing absolutely nothing.
Michael likes us to stay in, so that is what we do. He even has the grocery shopping delivered, just so we don’t have to go out.
It has now been three weeks since I saw Cal on that soul-destroying night where I told him that I wasn’t going with him. I miss him so much, and the urge to see him is gnawing away at me. Before, when he was travelling, I guess missing him wasn’t as intense because he wasn’t here. But knowing that he is across town, in his house, carrying on with everyday life whilst I have to try and put one foot in front of the other without him, fucking sucks.
“Hey, Michael,” I start. “I want to go and see Kim.”
Michael freezes as he stirs the sauce that he is making to go with some chicken dish that he is trying out.
“Why would you want to do that? She doesn’t want anything to do with you from what I see.” His eyes are now fully focused on me, dark and dangerous looking.
“That’s because I haven’t bothered with her for weeks, I’m not surprised that she is pissed off with me.” I act casual, like this isn’t a big deal. But it absolutely is. “Plus, it makes things awkward at work.”
“You’re not even working in the same room as her, Lucy, so that isn’t even a problem.” He is so ready to bat me down at every turn, but I’m not giving up that easily.
“True, but eventually our project will be complete, and then we’ll go back to our normal daily workload. I just… I worry about what she might be saying to other people.” I’m pulling out the big guns now. If Michael thinks that other people might start to notice something, then he is more likely to back the fuck down and give me some much-needed breathing room without even realising that he’s doing it.
“Tell them what?” he asks suspiciously, the sauce now completely forgotten and left to burn.
“That’s just it, I have no idea. She could be telling them anything, and I have no clue about it. I don’t want people to think badly of us, Michael. We’re in the dark about what is being said.”
I need a fucking Oscar, I really do.
He seems to consider my argument, weighing up what I have just said to him.
I hold my breath and pray that he says seeing Kim is a good idea. If I pull this off, then it’s a huge step forward.
“But she has no reason to say anything, unless you have told her things you shouldn’t have.” He narrows his eyes and creeps forwards slowly, intimidatingly.
I gulp from the fear that immediately pulses through me, but I push on with my answer.
“Michael, I haven’t told her anything. How could I? I haven’t spoken to her properly for the last three weeks, and that is the exact point that I am making. Kim and I have always been close, and now we don’t even speak. People will start to question it, if they haven’t done so already.” I’m pushing the boundaries here, but I’ve never fought like this before. I’ve always just cowered and then begged him not to hurt me.
He considers what I am saying.
A few minutes tick by.
Tension mounts.
My heart feels like it’s in my throat.
And just when I think that I have failed, he says, “Good point.”
I breathe out slowly as I try not to show the smile that wants to break free.
“You can go for lunch with her tomorrow, that should be enough to pacify her for a while.”
“Whatever you think is best,” I reply, trying to hide my delight at having taken control of that conversation without him even realising it.
Michael returns to the cooking and tries to save the now-burnt sauce.
Now all I have to do is convince Kim to have lunch with me tomorrow, and then I can tell her all about my plan.
Chapter Nine
Unexpected interruptions
I convinced Kim to have lunch.
Now we’re sat in a quiet café with our sandwiches on the table, untouched. I am way too nervous to eat, and I suspect that Kim feels the same. My stomach churns as I try to find the correct words to begin the conversation that I need to have with her.
I have been scanning the front door every few seconds, making sure that Michael isn’t going to appear. I wouldn’t put it past him, but so far there’s no sign of him.
“So, what’s this about, Lucy?” Kim asks, her whole demeanour defensive. She doesn’t look like she wants to be here at all, and it leaves me with a sinking feeling that this is what has become of our friendship.
“I just… I just want to explain things to you.” I try to sound confident, but I can’t mask my nerves in front of Kim.
“You mean, you want to explain how you chose Michael, went back to him and dropped me and Cal without a second thought?” Her eyes harden as she speaks and I realise just how much I have hurt her.
“I didn’t drop either of you guys, I would never want to lose you or Cal––”
“Really?” Kim says cutting me off. “Well, then you seriously need to think about how your actions look to us, Lucy. We tried to help you, Cal even came to get you. You had every opportunity to leave Michael, but you didn’t. You chose to stay with him, and that is what hurts, Lucy. All of those months I watched you suffer at his hands. All of those times he belittled you and made you feel worthless. Hell, he’s still doing it now, and I can’t watch him do that to you. I can’t watch as you continue to become a shell of your former self.”
Her words bring tears to my eyes.
I thought that I was doing the right thing by trying to get out of this relationship on my own, but in this moment, I doubt myself. I doubt my decisions, and I doubt whether I can actually do this without knowing that Kim is going to be there at the end of it.
“Kim, please, there are reasons for me doing this,” I say, trying to reaffirm to myself as well as her that I have chosen the correct path.
“Well, go on then, enlighten me because I sure as hell don’t understand why you are still with him.”
“Didn’t you read my letter?”