“Eury? What’s wrong?”
She doesn’t answer. Instead, Eury gets up and runs.
CHAPTER 6
Eury
There is a sudden drop in the temperature. Clouds form above us. A raindrop lands softly on my hand. Then another. I shift my view. Ato stands across the way. In his hand, he holds a wildflower similar to the one I now clutch. My eyes are not playing tricks. Ato is right there. He’s found me.
“Eury,” Ato says. He inches closer. I look down at his bare feet. The cowrie shell bracelet I gave him years ago still hangs around his slender ankle. His soles never touch the ground. Tremors overtake my body.
“I’ve missed you,” Ato says. “It’s time.”
He reaches out with his smooth hand, urging me to take it.
“No! No!” I scream.
I don’t know where I’m going. I just run. The rain comes down in torrents with flashes of lightning striking across the sky. My heart pounds uncontrollably.
“Eury, wait!” Pheus yells.
I won’t stop. I have to get away. I push back against the crowd of people trying to find shelter. I must hide. I see a building and head toward it.
“Wait!”
Pheus yanks my arm, pulling me away before cyclists and joggers trample over me.
“Eury, what happened?” he asks. “What’s going on?”
Tears sting my eyes. I keep looking back. I don’t see Ato anymore, but I sense he’s near. He’s waiting to take me. This park is too expansive. I must hide.
“Please,” I say. “I have to get out of here.”
Pheus grabs my hand, and we race across the park. The rain drenches us completely. He leads me toward the street. I stumble when my sneakers cause me to slip, but Pheus quickly helps me up.
“Let’s go,” he says. We don’t wait for the light to change. Instead, Pheus charges into traffic. We are in a video game, dodging cars as they honk for us to get out of the way. We reach the building, a modern church befitting the neighborhood. The doors to the church are locked. Pheus’s breath is as out of control as mine. My hand still holds what is left of the flower.
“Are you okay?” Pheus asks.
I don’t know what to say. Do I tell him the truth? Pheus looks at me with such concern. I won’t bring this to him. I can’t do it.
“I’m sorry. I’m afraid of thunder.” If I keep my eyes down, he won’t notice the lie.
“It’s more than just thunder. You saw something. Someone.”
Pheus tries to connect with me. I shake my head.
“It was the thunder.”
He pauses for a beat or two. I can’t look at him.
“Okay. Let’s wait it out then,” he says. “The sun is peeking from between the clouds. The storm will be over soon. It will only be a matter of time.”
Pheus pulls out a napkin from his pocket and hands it to me. I use the napkin to dry my face and catch the tears running down my cheeks.
Ato is here. I don’t know what to do. I want to be safe more than anything. What if it’s not possible?
“What can I do to help you feel better?” Pheus says. “You can talk to me.”
His words are like punches. He sounds like Ato with his empty promises of taking care of me. Pheus is no knight on a white horse charging toward a dragon. He can’t help me.
“Don’t worry about me,” I say with more anger than I intend.
“Hey, Eury, hey.” He stands in front of me. I keep my eyes glued to my sneakers.
“What’s going on?” Pheus says. “I don’t understand. Did I say something to upset you?”
When you’ve walked around with a secret for so long, the weight of it eventually becomes manageable. You easily make room for it. The secret itself feels like a living organism you feed with more elaborate lies. No, it’s more like a tumor. Ato is my tumor and I don’t know how to eradicate him.
This is selfish, to invite Pheus into my problems. I can’t lean on him or anyone. I just can’t.
“I’m fine,” I say. “It was the thunder.”
Pheus’s phone buzzes. It’s Penelope.
“Don’t tell her what happened,” I say. The confusion on his face continues to grow. This favor seems small, but I am pitting him against my own blood. It’s not fair or right. I do it anyway.
“No. We went for a walk. Where you guys at?” Pheus reassures Penelope. “I’ll call you right back. The connection here is not great.” He lowers his head. Now Pheus is complicit in my lie. Another layer of guilt to add to the many I carry.
The smell of rain is replaced by his. The smell of beach, of a summery day. Pheus has long eyelashes. I return to when I first heard him sing. Even in the middle of the drama with Melaina, I felt it was only the two of us on the beach. We connected somehow. This doesn’t happen every day.
“Can we stay here a little longer?” I can’t face Penelope. Although she loves me, Penelope will probably tell Titi what happened. She, in turn, will tell mom. Titi Sylvia will bring up seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist, even medication. I don’t want to go down that path. Mami says medication can cloud my brain. What if she’s right? I need to be alert whenever Ato reappears. I can’t afford to doubt what I see. Therapy and meds may work for others, but I’m scared that I might be an exception.
“We can stay here all day. Time means nothing in the summer.” Pheus sits on the church steps. The rain is dwindling down.
A man with a cart filled with children’s toys comes around the corner and joins us. The man dries the toys one by one. The umbrella attached to the cart was able to save most of his items. He, on the other hand, is worse off than us.
Pheus digs into his pocket and pulls out his wallet. He offers the man money, and in return, the man gives him a rainbow-colored pinwheel.
“One time when I was acting bratty, I wanted one of these. Pops didn’t have any money, so he said no. I threw myself on the floor, right there, smack-dab on the sidewalk,” Pheus says. “People had to walk around me. Pops waited until I had it out of my system. When I was done, he told me I was going to be in for a long, hard life if every time I didn’t get what I wanted, I dropped to the ground.”
He spins the pinwheel. The emerging sun catches the vibrant colors.
“What do you think? Maybe Pops should have just gotten me the damn pinwheel.”
He hands me the pinwheel. I crave silliness now more than ever. If I told Pheus about Ato, how would he react? I can’t even tell Penelope the whole truth. Why would I confide in Pheus just because he is showing me kindness?
It was my fault. I forgot to pray. Mami said I can calm my mind with prayers. I forgot to recite them while I ran. I need to add more prayers to my arsenal.
Maybe it was the park itself. If the park was built on hate, perhaps Ato can feel the violence. I don’t know. I’m searching for any type of reason, for weapons I can use against an evil spirit. I’m ridiculous.
“I’m not one to lie to my friends,” Pheus eventually says. “Especially Penelope.”
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have asked you to. I’m sorry. There are things I’m still trying to make sense of. I don’t want my family to worry,” I say. “I do need help. This is true. I’m just not sure the way they’re going about getting me help is working.”