“What does music mean to you?”
I had no idea Eury was going to administer a pop quiz. I thought I was being all charming until I stumbled.
“Singing is fun. I like it,” I said. “It’s a hobby, you know what I’m saying?”
She frowned, actually frowned.
“What’s the point of singing if you’re not using your voice to move mountains?”
Whoa. How am I supposed to reply to that? She wasn’t trying to son me. She genuinely asked the question, and I had no valid answer that didn’t ring false. Am I being a hypocrite because music isn’t the be-all and end-all for me? My voice doesn’t have the power to do much but get a girl like Eury to pay attention to me. If I didn’t have that, would she have looked my way? Maybe. Maybe not.
Melaina, on the other hand, sent me long rambling texts full of curses. How I disrespected her. How I should be doing the right thing and apologizing. How she might forgive me. The next day she was back to sending me sweet messages, explaining she only wants me to succeed. She’s looking out for me. I was clear from the very beginning, when we first hooked up, that I wasn’t looking for anything serious. We are both too young for any of that. She’s always been cool with keeping our thing casual. Melaina insisted on meeting at Orchard. She promised to make it up to me.
Penelope and Eury have been no-shows at the beach since Sunday. Four long days. I figured I would try to sing a bachata version of “Purple Rain.” No doubt it was going to suck, but I was willing to give it a try. Maybe Eury would have found it funny. I don’t know. When Jaysen reached out to Penelope to ask why she wasn’t there, she responded with a “mind your business.” Penelope is always with the mouth. With Penelope not around, it also meant no Aaron and no ride.
Melaina and I ended up sharing a cab together yesterday. She was extra nice. She even wore the tight red dress I like. Everyone on the block wants to be with her, but she doesn’t hook up with just anyone. When she picked me, things turned. People started to pay attention to my music. They asked me to play at their quinceañeras, weddings. I got paid. Who doesn’t want extra money? The money I spent on myself and Melaina. Restaurants. Her nails. Even this red dress she picked out at one of the Third Avenue shops.
This time, though, when Melaina and I kissed on our cab ride home, it fell flat. I kept thinking of Eury. I kept wondering what she was doing, how she spent her day. Melaina noticed how distracted I was. She got PO’d. Told me off. I hit Melaina with the “let’s be friends.” As soon as I said the words, she started to laugh that deep, sexy laugh of hers. This is a game, I guess, for her.
I sit by the open window in the kitchen, my guitar in my hand. Would this song reach Eury’s dreams?
Pops’s chancletas hit the wooden floor. I hope I’m not keeping him up.
“Sorry, Pops,” I say.
He grabs the kettle and fills it with water.
“The sirens woke me up.”
Pops has been working at his friend’s delivery service, taking furniture around town. They go all over the city, across to Jersey, even Staten Island. He’s not supposed to be doing manual labor, not technically. I guess getting paid under the table is hard to give up. Add tips and he’s making a bit of bank, enough to pay off whatever Mom wants him to pay off.
“What are you doing up?” He rubs his eyes, opens the cabinet, and places one of the mugs in front of me. Pops is a tea connoisseur. There is a tea for every mood, every dilemma. With our insomnia, he prepares a bit of chamomile.
“Hey, Pops, can I ask you something?”
“Of course, son. I may not be fully awake, but I’ll still try to answer.” I wait for the yawn to pass.
“Do you believe in love at first sight?”
“Hmm. I think I need something stronger than chamomile,” he jokes.
Pops takes his time. It’s one thing I love about him. I can ask him anything, no matter what. We’ve always had that type of relationship. He doesn’t hold back either. When I was young, I remember this kid Oscar in my fifth grade class told me I was pretending to be Black. I came home upset, and when I got on the phone for our daily call, my father broke it down for me. That weekend, Pops took me to the Schomburg Center. He explained what it meant to be Afro-Latino.
Pops pours the piping hot water into his mug and mine.
“There’s attraction, a type of chemistry between two people whether it is love, lust, or a sibling connection,” he says. “A person comes into your life for a reason. You are meant to learn or you are meant to teach. Or both. There are no coincidences.”
“It’s weird. This girl Eury I met,” I say, feeling slightly foolish for admitting this, even to him. “I don’t know her, but I want to.”
“And? This is a bad thing?”
“No, not necessarily. It’s just. I don’t know.”
He laughs. “It looks like cupido got you right here.” He taps my heart. “Love isn’t about possession. It’s a divine meeting. Respect that and don’t force your way. You understand me? Eury is a person, and she’s not on your timetable or cupido’s.”
I understand what Pops is saying. So what if I’m battling weird feelings for Eury? That’s on me. I need to respect her. I’ll stop trying to woo her with these chords and just get to know her.
“Go listen to el Maestro de Bachata, José Manuel Calderón, and stop trying so hard,” Pops says. “Tomorrow is another day.”
I hit my sofa bed. Pops stays at the kitchen table scribbling on a notebook. He’s doing his calculations. How to pay certain bills. The kitchen table is usually littered with pieces of paper filled with numbers. I fall asleep to the sound of his pen gliding across the page.
“I’m not going,” I say. Jaysen is pissed. He showed up early to my house when I texted him a no to going to the beach. I guess he thinks he can change my mind in person. It’s not happening.
“Why you acting like you doing me a favor?” he says. “I mean, you are, because seriously them girls only look at me sideways unless I bring ‘el Nuevo Nene.’ For real though, you got to practice so when my boy calls us to Dīs-traction, we ready.”
When did Jaysen become my manager?
“I’m not doing the beach,” I say. “I need a break.”
Jaysen stands up as if he figured it all out. He is jumping up and down. I’m glad Pops left early this morning to not witness this fool.
“I knew it. You got eyes for Eury. Man, I should have known once you started belting out Prince songs something was amiss. Even Mami fell in love with Eury. ‘Why can’t you find a nice girl who goes to church?’ That’s what she said to me the other day. Shit. I ain’t got time for that.”
Mass. That’s where Eury goes to. Okay. She’s on a spiritual trip. I didn’t grow up in church. My father is a believer but not Catholic unless it’s liberation theology. Priests taking arms to protect the poor is more Pops’s speed.
“What church?”
Jaysen is going on. He isn’t listening to me.
“Yo, what church?”
“Bro, I don’t know. I mean, Mom goes to St. Anselm every single day because she always makes sure dinner is ready before she heads out. What do you care? Eury is an angel and you, you ain’t nothing but el diablo.”