“They don’t get…us.”
His words have my blood freezing in my veins. “There’s nothing wrong with me,” I shriek, my tone shrill. “I’m fine.”
Bile rises in my throat.
He can see?
Terrence knows about the sounds? About the maddening shit that goes on inside my head every day? How? How does he know?
My body shivers and my shoulders hunch.
Will Dad find out? Will he make me see a shrink? Will I have to quit basketball?
“You’re cold,” Terrence whispers as he steps closer, his massive hands curling around my shoulders, sealing in the warmth he emanates. “You need to get back inside.”
“I n-need to g-go home,” I chatter out. I hate how weak my voice sounds. Like I might cry. I don’t cry, especially not in front of others.
Concern flashes in his eyes as he dips lower to search my face. Enough searching. I don’t want him to find what I try desperately to keep under control.
“Penny—”
“Stop touching me!” I yell, shoving him as a ball of emotion forms in my throat.
His eyes flash with hurt as though I’ve wounded him. This makes the tension in my stomach tighten further. I like Terrence. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. But he doesn’t understand what it’s like to be me. He wants to talk because we’re the same? We’re not even on the same plane of existence.
Terrence is normal. Perfect, even with his uneven head, drooping eye, and plentiful scars.
And I’m the definition of imperfect.
Broken and flawed and barely functioning.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice low and quiet, something I greatly appreciate. “I know you don’t like to be touched. I shouldn’t have touched you.”
My shoulders still burn from his hot, strong touch, yet I don’t hate the feeling. A mind at war with a body. Nerve endings flared to life at his touch and shot lasers of heat to foreign parts of me. It’s my brain that hates the idea. Not him. Everyone.
I’m alone in this madness.
“At least call me and let me know you made it home safely,” he pleads. “I don’t like the idea of you driving at night in the snow.”
I shove my hand into my pocket to retrieve my phone. “Put your number in,” I bark out harshly. “I’ll text you.”
He grins, his expression one of relief. “Thank you.”
I try not to stare at him as the phone lights up his face. Something about him makes my eyes keep wandering his way. Like he’s a magnet and I’m drawn to his face. I don’t like it. I don’t like strange feelings like this. I’m so used to being bothered by everyone because they won’t shut the fuck up that this is confusing for me.
And that’s just his face.
His body is also one you can’t help but look at. Thick neck with prominent Adam’s apple that moves when he laughs and swallows. Broad shoulders sculpted with muscles that strain against his hoodie fabric. Biceps that seem to bulge as he types on my phone.
The phone that’s four inches from his face.
“Why are you holding it so close?” I demand.
“So I can see it, mean-ass.” His sharp jaw clenches and I know I’ve hit a nerve.
“Get some glasses.” I snatch my phone from him to read his contact info. “Smash, huh?”
“I like it better than ugly.”
My stomach twists painfully at his words. Why am I this way? I don’t understand how to be soft like Charlotte or Hollis. I’m jagged and sharp. I tear things, even when I don’t want to.
“You’re still a dent head, Smash.”
“And you’re still Satan. Text me later.”
He steps forward like he wants to hug me but then thinks better of it. With a quick nod of his head, he limps back into the cabin, clicking the door quietly closed behind him. My heart throbs at the cold emptiness that seems to linger in the air around me.
I realize, for the first time, I miss a sound.
The sound of his voice.
Something’s happening to me.
Terrence
I stare down at my phone in shock. It’s been three days since I last spoke to Penny, so I’m surprised to see a text from her. The one and only other time she texted was to tell me she was home.
Penny: I have a lead.
Scrubbing my hand over my face, I try to make sense of what she could possibly mean. Several guys at the gym eye me with pity in their eyes as they walk by. I hate that shit. Sure, I look like a fucking joke with my scars and shit, but I’m not some broken, weak man. I’m here at the gym with them benching every bit as much as them.
Me: For?
Penny: I know you broke your head but come on. Your baby momma, Smash.
My spine stiffens.
Me: What is it? Tell me.
Penny: I got an address.
Me: You asked your dad?
She sends me about forty eye roll emojis.
Penny: No, dummy. I went to “visit Roux and Emilia” and stopped by Dad’s office. Since Bonnie was out to lunch, I took it upon myself to rummage through her files. I got the goods. Where am I picking you up?
I groan as my eyes search out the guys. The other three Hoodlums plus Hollis are running on the treadmill. Since that shit hurts my leg and my head for that matter, I told them I’d stay at the dumbbells.
Me: The gym on Fourth Street. I need twenty minutes to shower.
Penny: I’ll be waiting out front. Bright orange Jeep. Your blind ass can’t miss it.
It’s my turn to shoot off a bunch of eye roll emojis.
Me: See you in twenty, mean-ass.
I grab my bag and walk over to where the guys are. They’re all running as hard as they can like they’re in a race against each other. Since Cal has the longest legs, he’s the least winded.
“I’m gonna grab a shower and bail,” I say to Cal.
“Dude, you rode with me,” Cal reminds me, his breathing labored from exertion.
“Change of plans. Penny’s picking me up.”
Like they’re fucking twins, Hollis and Roan both smash the stop button on their machines, fiery eyes directed my way.
Whoa. What the fuck?
“Penny?” Hollis demands, his blue eyes flashing. “Why?”
Jordy smirks at me while Cal laughs his stupid ass off. Roan scowls, his arms crossing over his massive chest.
Fuck these fuckers.
“What?” I demand.
“She’s a kid,” Hollis bites out.
Roan nods, his eyes narrowed.
“Fuck all of y’all,” I snarl, shaking my head. “It’s not like that and you fucking know it.”
Cal hits the button on his machine and hops off. “Cut him some slack. Even if he did want into that psycho’s pants, do you think she’d actually let him?”
Jordy laughs, earning scowls from Hollis and Roan.
“What?” Jordy says. “Cal’s right. I’m pretty sure Penny is asexual or whatever the fuck it is when you don’t care about anyone or anything.”
“It’s called being a bitch,” Cal offers unhelpfully.
“Shut up,” I warn, pinning him with a glare. “Penny’s not a bitch.”
Roan and Hollis chuckle.
“She kind of is,” Roan says.