“This isn’t because I want different parents! It’s not like they wanted me, anyway. It’s just—I have no choice but to search for answers.”
Dad raises his eyebrows, and the questioning look is back on his face. Now he’s expecting me to explain and I’m almost tempted to just tell him.
I could. This might be a good opportunity. We are starting over, a new house, a new life. Maybe it’s time to start over some more, to come clean.
“I’m not sure where to start,” I say rubbing my forehead and preparing myself for the drama that is about to be unleashed.
Dad sits down next to me. “Why don’t you start with the truth?” He has suspected me of hiding something from him for a while, now, but he has never come close to the truth.
I take a deep breath and look into his eyes. I’ve always liked to look into Dad’s eyes; they’re blue like mine, and the familiarity makes me feel like I belong. As I look at him, I see the blue hues changing as his emotions shift, and I tell him.
I tell him how cold temperatures and weather have no effect on me. I tell him how Uncle Henry and I found that out when I was eight years old. We were at my uncle’s lake house in the winter. My parents and my uncle’s girlfriend were buying groceries in town, and my uncle was reading a book in the house. I snuck out and went to the lake. It was early afternoon, and the sun was out, just like a nice swimming day. I jumped in the water and stayed there, floating like I always do. I heard my uncle screaming when he saw me, so I swam back to shore. He was freaking out, about to call 911, until he saw that I was just fine; I wasn’t even shivering.
My uncle asked me not to do that ever again, that I could have died. He asked me not to tell my parents and he made me promise him. I didn’t want to get in trouble, so I never said anything. I tested myself a couple of times, doing anything that would make a normal person cold, but nothing affected me. I have no idea what a cold sensation feels like.
My dad is looking at me with disappointment. “Why didn’t you trust me? I have been doing everything I can to find you help, but I can’t do that if you don’t tell me everything.”
Underneath all his effort to keep a serious face, he’s crying. It’s not the first time Uncle Henry has lied to my dad. Years ago, my uncle disappeared for three years without a call or an explanation. He’s unpredictable. Even though Dad loves him unconditionally, he doesn’t feel like he can trust him entirely.
“There’s more, Dad.” His frustration aches within me, and I’m not sure how to get the words out. I get up from the couch and my stomach twists in a knot as I feel how sad he is. He doesn’t even try to cover his emotions. He wants me to know. He wants me to hurt like he does.
I steady my breath and say, “I can run really fast; like, a minute mile. I also learn really easily. In Italy and Spain this summer, I picked up both languages like they were nothing.”
“What do you mean?” Dad asks with mounting anxiety in his voice.
“I found that out two years ago, when I got an advanced algebra book from the library. A new ability develops every three to four years around my birthday.”
He shakes his head in disbelief. “How do you control all of it? Feeling people’s emotions are already a toll on you, how do you—?”
“These are different. I don’t have to control them; they just come natural to me. It doesn’t take any effort to use them.”
“Livia, you should have told me this before.”
“I know that, but Uncle Henry didn’t want to worry you. You guys get so upset when I ask about my biological parents, and I thought he had a valid point.” As I speak, I watch my dad fumble, unsure what to say or do. “I’m so sorry.”
I truly am. I’ve always wanted to talk about this. I hated keeping it from him, but I thought I was protecting him.
An antagonized sensation clenches my heart, and anger rises inside of me. I suddenly realize that it isn’t mine, and a moment later, Mom walks into the room.
“I can’t believe you hid this from us!”
I stand up. She heard everything.
“Mom—”
“Don’t ‘Mom’ me, Livia!” she shouts. “Your uncle set you up for this! You should’ve known better than to keep a secret like this. It’s not from us that you have to hide.”
“Laura!” Dad gets her attention. “What matters is that we know now.”
“Mom is right,” I say. I don’t want to see my parents fighting because of me. “I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t want to upset you. I know this stuff bothers you.”
Mom puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, “I know you meant well, but I thought you knew that you can tell us everything. When you don’t, I feel like…I failed you, or our family isn’t as strong as it could be.”
I feel the truth and warmth in her words, and when she hugs me, I know her anger is towards Uncle Henry. Part of me wants to defend myself and my uncle, but the other part of me, the one that is ashamed, keeps me quiet. I know my uncle’s intentions were to protect my parents from the same terror and confusion he felt every time a new ability developed in me. He knew my parents would panic when they couldn’t scientifically understand what my body was doing.
“It’s not like that, Mom,” I murmur. “I do trust you guys, more than anybody else in this world.”
She knows this, but I also know that unless I repeat it out loud, she won’t believe her own feelings and start to worry even more.
Meanwhile, Dad has already gone into medical-research mode. “We need to study your brain reaction while you are using one of these abilities. Somehow, I think it would show us an answer. I’ll schedule a MRI at the hospital for this week.”
“It’s not going to take us anywhere, Nick.” Mom rubs her eyes. “We have done so many tests already. Nothing has changed.”
“Dad,” I add, “I think the missing piece of the puzzle is my biological parents. They are the only ones with all the answers, and that’s why I can’t stop searching for them.”
Mom turns to face Dad; at the same time, anxiety overflows from her body and into mine. Every time I bring up my true parents, Mom acts this way. She doesn’t want me searching for them. I wouldn’t if I didn’t have to.
Dad sits back down, looking straight at me. “I have been looking for them for years now because I knew it was important to you.” He adds gently, “There is no trace of them. I looked for who dropped you off at the convent that night. It could have been someone other than your biological parents. I am still looking—I promise.”
Dad drops his eyes to the floor and feels defeated.
Uncle Henry was right. Now, Dad will be searching for an answer until he finds it. The problem is I don’t think we will find anything. We need to find my parents, but it’s like they never existed. I haven’t found a trace.
The emotion in the room is stifling. I get up to escape to my room, but Dad calls me back. “Tomorrow, we’ll be going to the Coopers’ house for dinner. You need to try to empathize with Adam. If you can’t, then there might be a reason why, and that will have to be explored,” he says with anticipation in his eyes. “It could be a clue, something we could base a hypothesis around.”