“I …” I started again but stopped with a glance at the chair. I couldn’t tell him, I couldn’t tell anyone, could I?
“Stuart, right?”
I nodded, I wanted to hide the fact, but I wondered if it was written all over my face.
“You and him don’t get along, I know that. Is he the reason for the chair?” I saw the way his eyes narrowed as he glanced at the chair and then back at me. He was suspicious, maybe even a little angry.
I quickly shook my head in the negative, maybe a little too quick, but Abe didn’t know me well enough to know if I was lying, or so I hoped.
“It’s just that Mom and I don’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things when we’re here…”
I wanted to tell him. Maybe as a man he would be able to tell me, what I already knew. It wasn’t really about men, just the man that she’d married.
I felt brave as I continued talking, “And when we went away for summer, I thought that maybe things would go back to the way they were before…” I didn’t know how to describe it. Before she dated Stuart, things were fine. I knew that she was in love and wanted to spend every moment with him. That was natural. I kind of felt that way about Abe. Even if we weren’t dating.
So, I started to think about how to tell him this story. This nightmare called my life.
Okay.
I took a deep breath and replayed the speech in my mind, ´Well, it was as soon as they got married, that was when everything changed. Everything.´
Mom wasn’t smiling, she wasn’t happy. She had sad eyes, bags under them most of the time from not sleeping and from Stuart lashing out at her. Even if she was trying to keep it all one big secret. There was no hiding from the damage he did to the house or even her face. No amount of make-up could hide it at times. He hit her, not just once but several times. She tried to hide it, but she wasn’t doing a good job of it.
I decided that I wouldn’t tell Abe that part, so I decided that I would tell him about that night. The problem was that I wasn’t brave. I couldn’t tell Abe what happened that night. We hadn’t spoken in weeks and the amount of times that I wanted to pick up my phone and call him or text him was crazy, but something always held me back. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea, even though Teresa kept telling me that he was into me. We were friends and if he thought or even knew that I wanted us to be more than that could change everything and not for the best. It would only change things for the worst.
Was I being paranoid and mistaking what Stuart had intended? Was it my fault that he thought he could come into my room?
I couldn’t talk to my friends about it, I felt so ashamed, but it wanted to come out of me, the words wanted to leave my mouth, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell anyone.
I opened and closed my mouth a few times, ready to say something, but no words came out as my heart stopped every time I tried to speak.
“My dad moved out over the summer,” he blurted out as he started to stroke my hand. “Kind of the reason that you didn’t hear from me very often.”
“Sorry to hear that,” I sighed thinking that there was no way that I could tell him what happened that night. He had his own issue. His own problems, I couldn’t load him with mine.
He laughed nervously. “It happened so quickly and then I spent the whole summer just trying to hold my mom’s hand. It’s as if she can’t stop crying and blaming herself for it. It’s not her fault that he doesn’t love her anymore. Is it?”
I shook my head.
“She can’t stop crying and I hate it. I hate him for making her cry but then he’s my dad and I love him. I need to be something that I’m not. I’m too young for all this emotional shit.”
This time, I wasn’t the one pacing in my room, he was as his emotions ran out of his mouth. Something that I admired about him, the fact that he wasn’t scared to say how he felt on and off the field. That was what the girls loved about him. And one of them just happened to be me. He talked about his love for both his mom and dad, but the predicament that he’d landed in was one that left him in a world of hurt. A world that I didn’t envy.
“At the same time, he’s my dad and she’s my mom. Now, he wants us to connect, but then, I feel that I’m stuck in the middle. You know, betraying her by talking to him and betraying him by not talking to him. And all of this shit doesn’t feel fair. All I want to do is play ball, graduate and take one really great girl to prom.” His eyes froze and stuck on mine, as if to impart some knowledge he couldn’t say out loud.
Did he mean he wanted to take me to prom?
Nah.
Me?
There was an unnerving silence, but I couldn’t break that silence because I didn’t know what to say to him, when I had a confession of my own to make. More than one, actually.
“Wow!” He’d taken me by surprise and for some crazy reason it was the only thing that I could think to say. He pushed his hands through his hair again and it spiked up into silver peaks as the moonlight glinted off it.
I loved seeing this side to him, but then I hated the idea that he was telling me something in confidence, so I did what I’m good at and distracted myself. I looked at the clothes he had on and tried not to hum in approval. He wore a black polo shirt with black pants and damn! He looked hot in black.
I blushed as I realized what I’d done. Here he was sharing his crappy life with me and all I could think about was how hot he was looking right now as I wondered which girl he was talking about taking to the prom?
Me?
“It’s tough. I don’t know what to say…”
Apart from ask, which girl? I felt guilt tear at me because I should ask him how he’s coping, offer him advise, but all I could think about was the fucking prom? What the hell was wrong with me?
“I want you to go to the prom with me.” He blurted out, his green eyes peering into mine with an intensity that made me want to step closer to him.
“What?” I couldn’t believe he’d said it. I was certain my mind was playing tricks on me.
“This is what I wanted to ask you before you left. Would you go to the prom with me?”
I laughed, too shocked to believe him. Deflect, deflect, deflect, my brain repeated. “It’s not until next year.”
Again, I ended up saying the wrong thing, I didn’t mean to but his words just came out of nowhere. One minute his parents and now us. Or me? Teresa was right. Fuck! I wanted to tell her, smile and tell her that she was right, Abe did like me.
He smiled, as he took my hand and came closer to the edge of my bed.
“It’s just that between my mom and the situation at home I was really confused and with the coach on my back to up my game for college and all. I didn’t have my head in the game.”
“Which game?”
God, sometimes I wonder if there’s anything in my head when it comes to emotions. I’m great at school, my friends and hanging out with them, but when it comes to the opposite sex I had zero clues. Both Teresea and Ava told me that he was into me. I told them that he was meant for a cheerleader or one of the other popular girls in school. He could have any girl, why me?
As he started to talk, I had to ask the question. “You’re smart, funny and I just don’t get it. I thought you wanted tutoring. I mean what else would you want with a girl like me? Every single girl wants you, even the nerdy girls.”