Sidestepping him, I headed out to the garden to see if I could do some reading there.
Naturally, Rilen followed. “Kimber, I don’t understand. We all have secrets. Dorian most of all. We—”
I halted and shoved a finger into his face. “That is not what I mean, and you know it. You know it.”
He blinked. Once, twice. “This is about the shield.”
“And the raid. And the robes. And how I am not given the information I need. I’m the Breaker! But the way you three have been treating me for the past four weeks, you’d think I was a babe in diapers! I may be young, Rilen, and maybe I am naïve, but I am not stupid.”
“No one said you were,” Roran said, striding up to his twin.
“Fuck off. Both of you. All three of you!”
Whirling on my heel, I marched back into the dorm and up the stairs.
The twins were there in the stairwell with me in just a heartbeat, showing off their newly revealed power in speed.
“That’s exactly what I mean!” I snapped as they caged me against the wall. “I had no idea you two could run like demons from hell were on your ass! How many other secrets do you plan on keeping from me?”
“You kept Drez and Jallina from us,” Roran said.
“That’s not the same thing! They were spies!”
“There will always be secrets,” Rilen whispered.
“Oh, for fuck’s—” I shoved them both away with a hit of power. “I know there are secrets! Dorian is ancient. You two aren’t much better off. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about you three not talking to me about the fact that you think my magic is weak.”
Instead of heading up, I headed back down, and this time, to the front door of the dorm. I crunched angrily down the pebble-strewn walk, just trying to get away from the two of them. I headed for the gardens, only for the two of them to cut me off again with their inhuman speed.
I let out a frustrated scream. “Stop it! Stop it! Both of you. Can’t you see I need time away from you?”
“Two weeks is too long for the Breaker to go without being granted power,” Rilen said.
“And it’s too long for her mates to go without pleasuring her,” Roran added with a wink.
“Bad move, brother.” Rilen’s voice was quiet.
My finger again landed in Roran’s face. “Don’t you dare bring up that mate shit right now. I’m not mating anyone who lies by omission! I almost tied myself to someone who would have seen me dead—you think I’ll allow anything like that in the middle of-of-of this catastrophe?”
Roran stepped into me and wrapped his hand around my waist. “Ilati—”
“No,” I snapped and yanked his hand off me. “Don’t try to talk your way out of this, you silver-tongued demon! I don’t care if you have skeletons in your closet. We share a horrible one! But if you think the three of you can talk about me behind my back, about things you think are wrong with me, and don’t come to me with that, you can all just sleep in a cold bed and jack each other off for satisfaction.”
One more time, I started walking away from them. A moment later, I heard their feet on the pebbles, and they flanked me.
It was killing me not to give this up and just let them pin me against a tree in the garden and have their way. I wanted them in the worst way.
“Kimber, what have we done?” Rilen asked. “Please, help us understand, ilati.”
“You are all not talking to me about me. You’re not being open and trustworthy.”
Roran sighed. “We have kept secrets—”
Rilen stared across me and slashed his hand through the air. “Roran, shut up. Please, shut up. This is important.”
Roran’s jaw snapped closed, and he looked fairly admonished. He took my hand in apology but said nothing.
Rilen looked back at me. “I don’t understand. What aren't we truthful about?”
“I see the looks you toss at each other over my head when we talk, or when I say something, or when you tell me, once again that I can’t take the shield or go on the raid. Do you think I’m stupid? Blind? Just a simple schoolmarm?”
“None of those, ilati,” Roran said quietly.
“Then what is going on? You have to realize I’m not in a good place to play head games. We had to kill my last bedmate so S’Kir didn’t die. That does things to a woman.”
“Makes her untrusting?” Rilen asked.
I nodded. “For starters. And then add in all these secret looks and non-verbal discussions…”
Roran ran his thumb over my knuckles. “This has been so much for you, ilati. We have been worried.”
I snorted. “And you think I haven’t?”
Rilen sighed. “We were trying to protect you.”
“You took me out to a secret meeting of rebels, and I watched and helped you behead them.”
Roran opened his mouth to say something but reconsidered. “We knew you wouldn’t believe us.”
“And you could let me watch Dorian fuck my former lover in the ass and snap his neck?”
Roran cocked his head. “Well. . . that’s a good point.”
“But you won’t talk to me about what you think might be wrong with me?”
They stopped, and I took a few more steps to stand in front of them. I took a deep breath and turned to pin them both with my stare. “I am Mistress Kimber Raven of the Temple of the Lost God. I am the Breaker of the Spine. I am the Healer of S’Kir. I am not a simple woman. I am not a fool, nor stupid or ignorant. If you wish to continue to bed me, you will not hide your concerns about me or about anyone else who shares that space. If I cannot trust you three, I cannot trust anyone. Am I understood?”
Roran got it first and nodded. “Yes. Of course. We excluded you from important conversations about you. Which isn’t right.”
Rilen’s nod followed. “Yes, I get it. You do understand that this came from a place of worry.”
“Guys. No one worries about this more than I do. It’s me. It’s my life. So, of course, I’m worried.” I folded my arms. “What is the basis of your worry?”
Rilen started. “Despite the fact that you have brought down the Spine…”
“…it feels like something is missing in your magic,” Roran concluded.
“It has since you came out of the cave,” Rilen confessed. “Since we came out of the cave.”
“It’s like there’s a missing piece of the puzzle. It’s not dangerous, but it’s holding you back from really taking possession of the title of Healer of S’Kir,” Roran said.
“We can get you all the way to amazing heights of power, but we’re not sure that you can use it all. There’s just something…missing.”
My breath escaped my chest in a rush. “I know. I feel it too. I’m not really mad that I can’t take my turn at the shield, but more at why I can’t take the turn.” I glanced between them. “Does everyone know?”
“All the masters can sense the missing piece.” Rilen nodded.
“Were you never going to talk to me about this?” I tried to keep the anger from my voice.