Chapter One
The only thing anchoring me to the Earth was Levi’s hand in mine as we stepped toward Coco’s casket.
I floated toward the oak box, or, at least that’s what it felt like. My mouth was dry. My hands shook. I could barely keep my feet moving in the right direction. I’d had a few out-of-body experiences in my short life, and this felt like some kind of awful rerun.
Everything in me wanted to turn and bolt in the opposite direction. The person in that box was my best friend. My Coco. I’d seen her only a month ago, and she’d been filled with joy. With life. Coco with her glossy lipstick and her bright hats. Her jokes. Her bad taste in music. Her thousands of Instagram followers.
Her love for me.
How could this be happening? How could she be dead?
I hadn’t talked to her once after leaving for my job at Camp Shadow Lake. Sure, I’d tried once or twice, but I’d been so caught up in Levi and the vampires that I hadn’t made a real effort. I’d heard from a number of people that Coco had been aloof and acting strange before her death. Her social media feeds dwindled to nothing, and she stopped answering texts. They said it in passing, not really taking much stock in it, but to me, it felt like a stab to my heart. Maybe my lack of communication had sent her into a downward emotional spiral. Maybe if I had tried harder, I could have somehow prevented this from happening.
Part of me knew the thought was irrational. That there was nothing I could’ve done and no way to get her back.
She was gone.
Quiet organ music played while hushed voices whispered to one another. The smell of cut roses floated on the cold air blowing through the vents. The funeral home was packed wall-to-wall with people. Coco was well-loved, and she had a big family, so this had to be one of the best-attended funerals this place had ever seen. A few people I knew from high school were there, but I didn’t want to talk to them. What would I say?
So, how’s things? And isn’t it crazy that Coco’s dead?
They’d probably say something along those lines. I couldn’t begin to stomach it.
“Are you okay?” Levi whispered in my ear as we waited in the processional that meandered up to the casket.
I bit my lip, and he squeezed my hand.
“Of course you’re not okay.” His brow creased with concern. “Can I get you something? Water? More tissues?”
“Just stay beside me.” With my free hand, I gripped his arm to hold myself upright. Otherwise, I might’ve just fallen to the floor. Levi felt solid, sturdy. I didn’t know what I’d do without him.
Mom was here, of course. I could stay by her side, but she’d taken a seat behind Coco’s wailing mother. Mom had the quiet presence of someone who’d been through the worst thing imaginable and knew what this felt like. I drew my eyes away from her. Just the sight of Mom in the black dress she wore at Dad’s funeral was turning the water works on again. This was the same funeral home, the same room. I swiped at the tears on my cheeks, my fingers coming away black with mascara as Levi handed me another tissue. Why’d I even bother to wear makeup in the first place?
As we took a few steps closer to the front, my heartbeat seemed to slow down. Even though it was a closed casket, I couldn’t stand the thought of her being in there alone. Coco had been in a car accident, and Mr. and Mrs. Morales didn’t want people’s last memory of her to be the Coco whose car had flipped three times before crashing into a tree.
I wanted to see her one last time, but what could I do? Throw open the casket? Everyone would be horrified.
We stepped up, and the line of people parted to reveal the glossy oak box in front of us.
I felt my knees buckle. Levi gripped my arm and helped me stand while words fell from my lips.
“I’m sorry, Coco. I love you.” I laid a hand on the smooth oak box.
I should have kept calling until you answered. I should have been there. This is all my fault.
I began to sob, and Levi helped me to a chair where he held me as I cried.
The funeral was beautiful, but I was glad when it was over. I didn’t know how long I could sit in those uncomfortable chairs and listen to people talk about Coco in the past tense. The hymns and flowers were making my head light and my heart ache. It all felt too painfully similar to Dad’s funeral. Thankfully, it was brief, and Mom and I had decided not to stay for the luncheon afterwards, leaving it for Coco’s immediate family. Plus, we were exhausted, and poor Levi’s jacket was ruined from my tears and running makeup. If he minded, he didn’t show it.
The three of us followed the guests toward the door, then Mom grabbed my arm. “I want to say goodbye to Coco’s mother. I’ll meet you out there.”
I nodded, watching her filter back through the crowd.
Levi and I exited, stepping out into the hot summer air. The heat felt good on my chilled skin, though I knew it bothered Levi. Always stoic about it, he slipped on his sunglasses then put his arm around me while we walked together to a small bench in the shade of a maple tree to wait.
“That was a nice service,” Levi said, glancing at me like he wasn’t sure what to say.
I nodded while pulling a tissue out of my purse to try to clean up the mess that was my face. I didn’t really know what to say, either.
“I wonder if I had a funeral,” he said quietly.
When I blinked up at him, he shook his head. “Sorry. I’m not trying to make today about me. We should talk about Coco.”
“No, I could use a change in topic for a while. What do you mean you wonder if you had a funeral?”
He leaned back against the bench’s backrest, letting his tear-stained black suit jacket fall open to reveal a crisp white shirt. I’d seen the other girls from our high school and some of Coco’s cousins checking him out while they thought I wasn’t looking. It wasn’t the time or the place, but the distraction made me feel just the smallest bit better.
“Well, I died, and dead people usually get funerals.” Levi sighed. “My parents don’t know I’m alive. Well… technically… undead? Anyway, I didn’t see them after I woke up in the morgue, since I couldn’t risk going back to them as the monster I’d become. It would’ve been far too dangerous. By the time I was back in control of myself, it was long past the time they would have held a funeral. It doesn’t matter, but sometimes I wonder if they had one and what it was like.” He went quiet, staring pensively up at the tree branches that swayed gently in the breeze.
“Oh, Levi, I’m so sorry.” I leaned into him and put my hand on his chest where his heart beat no longer. “You haven’t seen them since?”
He shook his head. “They’re still alive. I check in on them from time to time on the web. They’re in their late sixties now. They seem okay. Happy even. Still in the same home I grew up in.”
“That’s so sad.” I held his hand, wishing there was more I could do.
He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. “Don’t worry about me. I’ve had twenty years to process my grief.”
I started to lean into him, but as I did I spotted someone staring at me from the shadows.
A dark shape hunkered between the dumpster and the funeral home’s west wall. The man was scraggly and unkempt, but the most unsettling thing was the look in his eyes. He was staring at me as if he knew me.