“Fine. You’ve made your point. Can I at least see them later?”
I roll my eyes playfully. “I haven’t decided if anyone is going to see them. I haven’t even seen them yet.”
“I’ll leave you to it,” she says, turning to Tara, who’s been watching our exchange with amusement. “Unless you need anything else?”
“We’re good, but thanks.”
Madalyn takes her leave and returns to the front counter.
“Tara. My hero.” I clasp my hands together in front of me and flutter my lashes. “Saving me from embarrassment, one nosey sister at a time.”
She winks and smiles.
“You can’t avoid them forever, Presley. Seriously.” She nods to the tablet. “Take a look. I think you’re going to be pleasantly surprised.”
I stop stalling and bite the bullet, flipping through the photos one by one.
I’m silent the entire time.
It’s not that I have nothing to say. I just don’t know what to say.
She wasn’t wrong. These pictures...they’re fucking incredible. I can’t even believe I’m looking at myself. Wow.
When I finally reach the last one, I set the tablet down gently on the table, close my eyes, and take a deep breath.
“They’re great, right?”
“I can’t believe that’s me.” My words come out whispered. “I look gorgeous. It’s hard to accept that I’m looking at myself in those photos.”
She smiles and stands. “Scoot over, let me show you my favorites.”
She flips through the pictures, pointing out the ones she loves the most. Ones that have little nuances that make them stand out from the rest. Her voice becomes a buzzing in my ears as my eyes stay locked on the images on the screen.
That’s really me. There’s no denying it, but I don’t look like that in real life.
How much editing did she do to make me look that good?
Tara’s response makes me realize I’ve asked the question aloud.
“Little to none. That’s all you, Presley.” Much like the expression on her face, her words are purely genuine. “There’s minimal editing. I only tweaked the lighting a little and…”
She shutters her expression for a split second, long enough for me to wonder where her statement was heading. Her chest rises and falls with a deep breath. She meets my eyes, her expression carefully crafted.
Pointing to the image on the screen, she explains, “I smoothed this area here.”
When she gestures to my thighs, I suck in a breath.
She doesn’t miss my reaction.
“It’s okay, Presley. They weren’t that noticeable. I have unedited copies of every single image if you’d prefer to have them that way. I wasn’t sure which you would want, so I erred on the side of caution and saved both.”
Shame and embarrassment wash over me in waves.
I stare at her wide-eyed as I try to catch my breath. A lump forms in my throat making it difficult to speak, but somehow, I manage.
“No one...you can’t...I don’t want…”
Maybe not. I’m practically hyperventilating at this point.
Tara is quick to try to calm me.
“Your secret is safe with me, Presley. Just breathe.” She leans in close, blocking me from view of the rest of the bakery. Quietly, she continues, “I know you don’t know me well, but talking about someone else’s personal business isn’t something I do. I’d never tell a single soul. You have my word.”
It takes a few minutes for my breathing to even out. I’m at a loss on how to respond to her. She takes my silence as a permission to keep going.
“I won’t tell anyone, but I think you should.” My eyes flash to hers and she keeps going, never looking away. “A friend of mine used to do the same thing. She finally opened up and talked to someone—”
“Please. I appreciate you not saying anything, but I’m fine.”
The expression on her face leaves no doubt that she doesn’t believe a word out of my mouth, so I give her a little more.
“Yes, the scars are from self-harm, but they’re old scars. I haven’t cut myself in years. I’ve dealt with it and it’s no longer an issue.”
The look of disbelief vanishes, but I can tell she still has her doubts.
Nothing I say at this point will ease her mind completely, but I can’t worry about that when I’m trying so hard to hold myself together.
I should have never done that fucking shoot.
My secret would have never been exposed.
Until today, Derrick was the only one who knew about my cutting. I would have preferred to keep it that way for the rest of my life, but there’s nothing to be done about it now.
I believe her when she says she won’t tell anyone. It’s the pity in her eyes that gets me. Like she feels sorry for me for not having a better way of coping. She doesn’t understand. People rarely understand things like this.
Even Derrick couldn’t understand, but he tried to be supportive in his own way. He looked out for me, cared for me. He used to check my arms daily, which is when I chose a different area on my body. For a while, I kept that hidden from him too. Eventually, he figured it out and we worked together to find better coping methods when I was feeling overwhelmed and out of control.
“I can see it’s not something you want to talk about, but please know that I’m here if you ever need to talk.” She gives me a comforting smile, which I return.
“Thank you, Tara. I appreciate that,” I say, knowing I’ll never take her up on her offer.
Derrick is the only one I trust with the deepest parts of me.
“Now. I wanted to ask you if you would mind me using a few of these in my portfolio. They truly are some of the best photos I’ve ever taken.”
Part of me wants to say no, but the best part of today has been watching Tara’s eyes light up when she talks about her work, about my photos. I don’t have it in me to break her heart by denying her request.
“I have a flash drive with copies of both sets and it’s all yours, but with your permission I’d like to post a few on my social media and my website. If you prefer, I won’t mention you by name. I don’t have to tag you or anything unless you want me to. It’s one-hundred percent up to you.”
“Yeah, maybe don’t tag me yet.” I laugh, imagining my brother’s reaction to seeing pictures of me in lingerie when he logs into his Facebook account. “Feel free to use them however you’d like. You can mention my name. I don’t mind.”
“Ah! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She squeezes me in a bear hug and rocks us back and forth.
I’m happy I’ve made her day.
I only hope I don’t regret saying yes.
EIGHT
Adam
Slipping into my office, I quickly answer the call before I miss it entirely.