“It’s not your weakness they want. It’s your reaction.”
“How am I supposed to react? Should I have broken down right there in front of everyone?” I sit back down on the bed and pull my phone out of my back pocket when it vibrates. “It’s Levi.” I look to Knox, and his expression grows wary.
“Don’t read it right now. It’ll just upset you more.”
I read it anyway.
Sorry Blakely, no go for hoco.
“Wonderful, just fucking wonderful.” I toss my phone on the floor, watching it land safely on the pink rug. I bury my face in my hands and begin to sob. Stopping to catch my breath, “How did you know it was going to upset me?” I look to Knox. “You knew, didn’t you?”
He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t have to.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I speak softly. I can’t help but feel numb that Knox withheld this information.
I throw myself back into the pink plush comforter with my arms spread above me. I can’t be angry at Knox. This isn’t his fault. The whole situation is just too much right now.
“I didn’t want you to have any more on your plate right now after the crowning.”
“This is just perfect. Now I don’t even have a date to the dance.” I bring my hands underneath my head, propping me up, so I can see him, “What the hell am I supposed to do?” With every word, I can feel the lump in my throat rising. There is no possible way I can show up dateless. Not a chance. Sure, others do it all the time. Not me. No way.
“Just come with me with and Kelsey.”
I spring to my feet, nearly falling over as the liquor rushes to my head, “Are you serious right now? A third wheel? Not a chance in hell.”
I pull the door open and storm out, slamming it shut behind me. Feeling worse and worse with every step down the stairs at how I just yelled at Knox when he was just trying to help.
“Blakely.” I hear Chloe shout through a drunken breath. “Where have you been?”
I ignore her for now. I have one thing on my mind right now and that’s drowning my sorrows in a bottle.
I head straight to the kitchen where bottles of liquor are lined up on the counter. I grab the fullest one, not even knowing what it is. I take the top off and toss it to the left of me, paying no attention to the girl I just hit with it. Drink. Swallow. Chug.
I see hands come into view as they grip the bottle and try to take it out of my hand. “Get off.” I pull it back, causing it to spill down the front of my chiffon blouse. “You moron.” I snap, “Look at what you did.”
“You’ll thank me later when you’re alive,” Jasper says. With the bottle in hand, he attempts to walk away, but I grab ahold of his sweatshirt from behind.
“Give it back.” I spin him around so we’re face-to-face. “You don’t know me so don’t even try to act like you know what's good for me. Give me the fucking bottle.” I’m fuming. My face is hot, and I have every intention of punching this douchebag square in the face if he doesn’t hand it over. Not because I want the liquor, because I don’t like being told what to do.
“No.” He grins, yanking his body to release my grip. Just as I pull my arm back, I see Petra—bent over, laughing with her clique at her side. I assume it’s the spill down my blouse, or the unnecessary encounter with the new kid. I don’t even care the reason; they are laughing at me and that is enough to piss me off further.
They watch me out of the corner of their eyes and turn abruptly when they catch my stare.
I walk straight past Jasper, ignoring his rambles, and make a beeline for Petra, I crank my arm back and release, and watch in slow motion as my knuckles meet the side of her cheek, her precious crown that she’s put on display drops to the floor. “You,” I scream, “everyone thinks that I am the biggest bitch at Redwood, it’s because you have them all fooled. You are the epitome of bitch.” I don’t even pay attention to the dampness in my eyes, the drip drop of each tear as I lose control.
Petra cups her cheek with both hands, the music stops and everyone is watching. They are all watching me as I break—as I come unglued. My weakness exposed. The secret is out—Blakely Porter does in fact have a soul. “Congratulations.” I throw my arms and shout, looking around the room, returning the glare at each and every one of them. “You did it.” I don’t even have to continue; they know what I’m talking about. They all got what they wanted.
Chloe is already taking it upon herself to finish her off with some unkind words. She’s a good friend. One of the few I have left.
It wasn’t always this way. There was a time when people gravitated toward me because I was their idol—their queen. Something changed this year. Petra changed this year. She came back from summer vacation with new boobs and a Brazilian tan, and suddenly, everyone was bowing down to her. Rumor has it, she was hooking up with Levi, the king of the senior class, right before school began, but I’m not buying it. He has more morals than that. At least I hope he does.
He knows what she did to me and if he knows what’s good for him, he will stay far away from that girl. She dragged my name through the mud so badly that I can still taste dirt in the back of my throat. Because of people like Petra and Wyatt, I keep my heart tucked away safe and secure, but I do have one. I just don’t expose it to the hateful world.
I walk out the door into the night alone. The crowd outside is still going strong, and they pay no attention as I walk down the long driveway, still alone. Always alone. I look down at my liquor stained shirt, bunching the front of it together and gripping it into a ball in my fist. I throw my head back, and I scream. At the top of my lungs, I scream. Echoing through down the trail, probably into the house.
Here I am, alone—a nobody, while everyone else has somebody.
I look down at my feet as the leaves crunch beneath my Jimmy Choo pumps, wondering what’s wrong with me. I have everything that the world should want, so why I am always so alone?
That’s when it hits me.
Taking the oxygen from my lungs.
I point out flaws in others to make myself feel better. It angers me when people ignore my victories, and all winners are losers to me—unless it's myself, of course.
One might say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree—maybe they’re right.
I’m just like my mother.
As much as I hate to believe it, I’m just like her. And, I hate myself for it.
I come apart at the seams, right there in Axel’s driveway. Never knowing how good it felt until now. I pay no attention to the noise in the distance of people laughing, chanting, having the time of their lives. I dissolve into tears, and I enjoy it. The wind picks up, blowing dead leaves in my path.
I begin walking again when I hear footsteps coming down the gravel drive. I continue to walk, picking up my pace, but whoever is stalking toward me picks up their speed twice as quickly.
“Damn, girl. That was fucking awesome.”
Jasper.
I close my eyes and let out a sigh, knowing he won’t listen... he never does, no matter what I say. He’s like a scab that you pick at and pick at, hoping it will go away, but it comes back even more heinous. Eventually leaving behind a scar because you didn’t just leave the damn thing alone.