“I only want you to be happy with someone who deserves your heart.”
“I know ma, but I’m not in no rush. Whoever she is will come to me when the time is right.”
“And you’re open to that?” I took a second to think about her question, but I didn’t need a lot of time.
“I’m open to it.” A smile stretched across her face, and I chuckled, knowing she was getting all types of ideas inside of her head. “Don’t even think about it.”
“I know a few—”
“Nah.” I shook my head. “Don’t try hooking me up with some old lady’s granddaughter from your church.”
“But—”
“I’m serious.”
“Alright but if—"
A hard knock at my front door stopped her from finishing the dramatic statement that was about to spill from her lips. I went to answer it and was happy to see that it was the movers. After giving them instructions and watching them leave to grab the first load, I turned to find my mother standing behind me.
“I’m going to head out, but call me once you’re settled.” I nodded and kissed her forehead.
“Drive safe, and I love you.”
“I love you too,” she muttered. “Glad to have you home.”
“And I’m glad to be home.” I watched until she was on the elevator and walked back into my apartment, making sure to leave the door open. I went back to making my grocery list, laughing at the reminder to buy vegetables from my mother.
A couple of hours later, after the movers were gone and my bedroom and living room sets were both put together, I headed out to the grocery store.
“Yo,” I answered my phone without checking to see who was calling.
“Roman.” Kennedy’s sultry voice caught me off guard, and I stopped walking for a second, but I shook it off and continued toward my truck. “I was only calling to see if you made it there.”
“I’m here. Safe and sound.” She was silent for a while, and by the time I was on the road, I was tired of waiting for her to speak. “Did you need something else?”
“I don’t understand why we had to end things, Roman.”
“Did I not explain it well enough for you?”
“No, you didn’t!” she yelled. I sighed. “We were great together. I could have come with you.”
“Kennedy…” I paused, trying to find a nice way to put what I needed to say to make her understand. And when I couldn’t find it, I decided to just say the shit. “I care for you, but I never loved you. We had great moments, but we weren’t great together.” I needed more, and she wasn’t capable of giving me what I needed. Her cries spilled through my truck's speakers, and I had to stop myself from laughing. She was so damn dramatic. Kennedy wasn’t in love with me. As a matter of fact, she wasn’t loyal either but I never cared enough to confront her. Our relationship was a way to pass time and that time had fortunately passed.
“You don’t even care that I’m crying!” she screamed.
“Because the tears are fake. I can bet all the money I have in the bank that your eyes are as dry as the Sahara desert right now.”
“I gave you my all.”
“No, you didn’t, Kennedy,” I said. “Giving me your body is not your all. I told you before I left that I wasn’t having this conversation with you a million times, and I meant it. So, hear me when I say this….” I paused. “Are you listening?” She grumbled under her breath, and I waited for a response I could understand.
“I’m listening,” she finally said.
“I ended things because what I want from a woman you can’t give me, and I believe with my whole heart that you’ll find the right man, but I am not him.” I also did it because what I wanted to give she simply wasn’t worthy of. And I meant it when I said she would find the right man for her. There was somebody out there for everybody. “That’s the last time I’ll have this conversation with you.”
“Can I… Can I still call you?”
“I don’t think that’s best right now. You need time to let go of the idea of us.”
“Fuck you, Roman Fields.” She ended the call, and I turned my radio up. It was good to be home.
“Mr. Fields, we are glad to have you on board,” the human resources manager from Henley Global Investments spoke. “You come highly recommended from your last employer.” I chuckled.
“They were sad to see me go, sir.” My employer in Baltimore had even offered me a bonus to keep me on their payroll, but nothing would have kept me there. I was ready to come home, and once my mind was made up about something, there was no going back.
“That may have been mentioned as well,” he said, laughing. I leaned back in the seat I was occupying while Julius Franks went over my information to make sure everything was set for me to start on Monday. I hadn’t planned on seeing the inside of this place until then, but I got a call this morning from his assistant asking me to come in to verify some information. My official job title is Investment Actuary. When most people hear that, they stare at me because they have no idea what an Actuary is; let alone what they do. In the most simplest terms, I manage risks. It’s my job to see and find risks that could cause a company to lose money before it occurs. In the investment world, my job is so important that I get paid almost as much as the CEO of this company. They don’t want to lose capital and I can help them avoid it, so they pay me accordingly.
At Clark Atlanta, I majored in Actuarial Science. It’s a math and statistical-based major that teaches you how to assess risks in a bunch of different industries. When I went off to school, I had no idea what I wanted to do. So, I spent my first semester learning about every major available and the benefits of each. Actuarial Science was right up my alley because I assess everything around me as is, and I was pretty damn good at math. It was the best decision I’d ever made because not only is this industry lucrative, but I love it. I don’t wake up dreading going to work, and that was the most important thing to me outside of the money.
“I see you’re an HBCU man.” I nodded.
“You?”
“Morgan State,” he said proudly. As he should. Attending a Historically Black College or University is one of the best experiences a black man or woman can have. It was the best decision I’d ever made. “Always nice to see another black man doing well in this world.”
“The feeling is mutual.” Being a black man in the climate that we are in right now, the one that we’ve always been in was bad enough. And being a successful one meant nothing to people who weren’t the same color as us. We were still criminals in their eyes. They don’t value us as a race, so the least we can do is value each other and ourselves. It’s the least we can do.
“I believe I have everything I need from you.” He stood, and I followed his lead, holding my hand out for him to shake. “If I’ve missed anything, I’ll wait until Monday to get it from you. Enjoy your weekend, and thank you for making it in.”
“Actually, do you mind showing me my office?” I asked. “I might as well see it while I’m here.”