“Well Mom called. Chris left. So, she wanted me to come home,” Andrew tells me, and I look at him really funny and try to understand what he’s telling me.
“He left? Just left? He fixed my damn car last night for me. How the hell could he just leave?” Frustrated because maybe it’s my fault he left. How do I look Andrew in the eye, knowing I could be the reason his brother left? What did I do?!
Chris
I did it. I left. I hid at the garage this morning so Kenny wouldn’t see me. I could see her though. It took everything in me to not go out there and grab her and kiss her senseless and make her mine. But that is something she can never be.
I went home, grabbed my bag and my guitar and I left Mom a note, telling her I’d be back after I cleared my head. Not to look for me but I’d stay in touch.
Kenny fills my mind and I need to forget her. She is Andrew’s best friend; I have to keep reminding myself. Because it feels like she could be my forever. If she is as into me as I am her, I want her to be my forever, but can I risk it? If anything were to happen, and it ruined their friendship, I couldn’t do that to him. Or her.
Since high school, I’ve kept my distance while making sure no one else in town got close enough to her. I told myself it was to protect her, but really it was to protect me. I couldn’t hurt either of them. I’ve been looking after Andy and Kenny since they were kids. Andrew especially. Our dad died when he was little. I was the closest thing to a man in his life other then Kenny’s dad and our baseball coaches over the years. He needed me and I needed him. I couldn’t let my feelings for Kenny get in the way of that, could I? God, before this makes me change my mind, I have to crank some music and get my supplies and head off to the cottage that’s been calling my name. 1.5 hours til I hit Pugwash. “Save a Horse” is playing loud and I’m on my way. The only thing on my mind is the one thing I’m running from.
Pulling in at the cottage isn’t as relieving as I had hoped. The whole fucking drive I thought of her. Almost turned around twice. Thing is, I may be 30, but when it comes to Kenny, I’m still a teenage boy. Looks as though this 24 isn’t going to last as long as I had hoped it would. I walk into the cottage and remember my grandparents; all the times we came here as kids. This place was my home in the summer. Grandad and I used to collect sea glass on the beach. I watched my favorite uncle fall in the ocean trying to avoid a jellyfish! So many things and the sad thing is, Kenny was here for a lot of it. She and her Dad would bring their camper up with us and stay for 2 weeks in the summer. The year she turned 16, I was 18 then, was when I started to really notice her. That was the last year they came with us. Well, really the last time all of us came together. Gramps died a couple years before that, and it didn’t feel the same.
I come up once a year, usually fishing season and spend a week here. I round up some food, text the guys that I’ll be back soon. I know the garage is in good hands with Curt. He’s my right-hand man. This place is my home away from home. My safe haven if you will. A place where I come to be alone with my thoughts.
I get a text message and I click it open. It’s Andy.
“Where the fuck are you, Mom is freaking out.”
They know I’m gone, (didn’t he tell them he was leaving??) but I didn’t tell them where I was going because I didn’t want it to get to McKenna. If she even thought for one second, I was leaving because of her, she would come find me and get me to come home. That’s just who she is.
I text Andy and tell him I’m fine and still able to be in touch, I just needed some space to clear my head. I don’t tell him I put the note in the car, and I don’t tell him I am in love with his best friend, which is why I am here.
Putting the phone down, I throw a pizza in the oven and jump in to have a quick shower. When I get out, the pizza is ready and there’s another message on my phone, one I don’t want to read, but know I have to, she knows I’m gone. She’s pissed but she’s also telling me she will stay far away if I come back.
Sorry Kenny, I’m staying away right now to stay away from you. If I was there, after what happened, you wouldn’t be staying away, you’d be moving in with me, and you would finally know you are mine. This is what I want to send to her, but I don’t. To save face, I reply with a K and a smile face. And then, I turn off my phone.
McKenna
What kind of reply is that? K with a damn smiley face?! If he was here, I’d rip his head off. Instead, I have to go to work.
I love working my job. I might be a cashier at a superstore but here I am, helping people buy the food they need to look after their families. My favorite part is when the kids are with them. I’m well known for grabbing the baby out of the struggling moms’ arms, with permission of course. I entertain while mama pays and has herself a mini break. I also grab those toddlers and bring them to my side of the cash to help ring things in. They love it, the parents love it and I love it so much.
Today it’s raining. And in the small town of Elmsdale, the only thing to do in the rain is go grocery shopping. Not even kidding. The happy news is it’s a Wednesday night, and I am here til close. Sometimes, on Wednesday nights, Sidney Crosby shops at our store. For some reason, I’ve never been there when he has been, but I have seen the pictures and autographs my coworkers have. Myself, I’ve met Rickey and Julian from The Trailer Park Boys, even have their autographs and I’ve also managed to get an autograph from Enfield’s own rapper, Classified. So, when I say I love my job, I really, really love my job.
Halfway through my shift, Ella comes over and tells me I can take a smoke break. Thank god. That’s the hard part. I need a smoke so bad standing there. My break was supposed to be over an hour ago, but we got swamped. I thank her and head on out.
The rain is easing off, and a few stars can be seen in the sky. The only problem is now I have a few minutes to myself, and I think about him. Christ, why does it have to be him? I’ll never know why. It’s been him since I was 12 years old, and I’m now 28.
I call Andy to check in and say hi. He knows how I feel about his brother, having overheard a conversation years ago with a girlfriend from school and has never said a word to me about it. I know he thinks I can do better, hell I have been with other guys, but none of them compare.
Andy doesn’t answer so I leave him a weird voicemail and head back inside to finish my shift. Thoughts of Chris and our kiss fade as I put myself in worker mode and go back to my register. I have two days off after this and I need them. I need to go to the water and clear my head. Maybe Andy will want to head to the cottage this weekend. I shoot of a quick text when I take a bathroom break, and then I finish my shift.
I get out to the beast around 10:30 ready to head home. Andy messaged and said he couldn’t go up but that he would give me the key and I could go. Thanking him, I head home, have a shower and pack a small bag for the weekend. This should help me get over what happened with Chris. The water always soothes me in a way I will never understand but always treasure.
Chris
I wake up extra early, get myself ready and head out for a jog on the beach. The weather is amazing, the water is soul reviving and I am ready to think about what I am going to do.