“What about you? You have it all planned out, don’t you?”
“Kind of. I mean, for me, it’s always been sort of easy. I want what my dad has, you know?” His eyes were bright, animated. “I’m not sure if I told you or not, but he’s an accountant, owns his own firm in Fort Lauderdale.”
“You don’t say?” I acted surprised.
Jamie sat a little straighter, talking with his hands. “He started that firm when he was twenty-six, B. Twenty-six. Can you imagine?” He shook his head. “It almost went under twice, but he fought for it, and now he’s one of the best firms in town. I want to continue that, work for him until he hands it over to me, work even harder once it’s mine to keep the reputation he worked so hard to build. I want to meet the love of my life, marry her, fill our house with kids and do what I need to do to give them everything they need.”
“You want those things? Or does he want them for you?” The other team scored a touchdown and the crowd around us booed, halting the conversation for a moment. When the noise died down, Jamie continued.
“I want them,” he said with absolution. “I love what my dad has built with my mom, what they’ve both done for me and my two sisters — Sylvia and Santana.” He shrugged, and I watched a single strand of his hair fall out of place and onto his forehead. “I’ve worked at the firm for three summers now and I love it. I’m good at it. I don’t know, it just makes sense for me, I guess.”
“It must be so comforting, to know what you want the way you do.”
He swallowed, his eyes focusing on the game and not on me anymore. “Sometimes it’s harder than you think. There’s always this fear that even though I may know what I want, I may never actually make it a reality.” Jamie glanced at me then. “Sometimes it’s more complicated than just wanting something and making it happen.”
I nodded, at least I think I did. He was looking at me in that way he did, and when that happened, I couldn’t be sure I was actually moving the way I told my body to.
“I think you’ll find a way.”
He smiled, an easy smile, one that erased the tension of that moment. “Thanks, B. I think you will, too.”
We ended up winning the game, twenty-four to fourteen, and Jenna sprinted off the field and into Jamie’s arms at the sound of the final whistle. He picked her up easily, swinging her around before kissing her to a collective “aww” from those in the stands who witnessed the movie-like moment. It was that kiss that stunned me back to reality, the reality where Jamie was my best friend’s boyfriend. Jenna turned to me next and I slapped on a smile as quick as I could before she wrapped her arms around me.
“I’m so glad you came! I know this isn’t exactly your scene.”
I shrugged. “It wasn’t all that bad.” My eyes flitted to Jamie’s and he smirked, but I looked away quickly, back to Jenna, my best friend, who I loved, who trusted me. “Still want to stay the night tonight?”
“Duh! We need a bestie night. Please tell me you have gummy bears and Mountain Dew ready for consumption.”
I scoffed. “Come on now, is that even a question?”
She smiled radiantly, her blue eyes shining under the stadium lights. “I just have to finish up here and I’ll be over. See you in an hour or so?”
“Perfect.”
She leaned up on her toes to kiss Jamie once more before trotting off, and Jamie took longer than necessary before turning back to me. Our eyes met, saying more than words could, and I turned before he did, making my way to the parking lot with him not far behind.
It was silent in Jamie’s Jeep on the way to my house — completely silent — both of us caught up in our own thoughts. That was, until my phone rang.
“Hey Dad.”
“Hey, baby girl. How was the game?”
“Fine,” I clipped. To say that my relationship with my dad was strained after Mom’s confession would be an understatement. I probably drove him insane with my whiplash, because one moment I would forget for a while, let everything be how it used to be, and other times it was all I could do to talk to him without vomiting. I didn’t know how to just snap my fingers and suddenly hate my dad, though I tried more often than not to do so. I guess there was no “right way” to handle it, at least not that I’d found.
“That’s good, I’m glad you got out of the house.” His tone had changed, probably because he’d picked up on mine. He knew what kind of day it was for me. “Listen, I have some news on your car.”
“And?”
“And… we can’t figure out what’s wrong. Not yet, anyway. We checked the battery, the alternator, the timing belt — Nick thinks it might be something electrical.”
I sighed, pulling my legs up into Jamie’s passenger side seat and setting my chin on my knees. “So what does this mean?”
“It means we’ll need more time with it to figure out what’s going on. Nick is about to leave town for a couple of weeks but when he gets back, he’s going to make it his number-one priority.”
“Two weeks?!” I yelled a little louder than I intended and Jamie’s brows furrowed, asking if I was okay. I just shook my head. “Well this sucks.”
“I know. But in the meantime, you and I can start saving.”
I swallowed. “How much do you think it’s going to cost?”
Dad was quiet for a long moment, and I pictured him running a hand over his red beard. He always did when he had bad news. “I can’t be sure, but I’d bet on at least a grand.”
“Fuck my life.”
“Language, Brecks.”
My cheeks heated with anger. “Don’t call me Brecks.”
He sighed. “It’s your name, baby girl.”
“No. My name is B. And you know that by now, so stop acting like you don’t.”
“I’m just trying to help here.”
He sounded defeated and I gritted my teeth, clenching my fist around the phone before letting out a long exhale. “I know, Dad. I have to go, but thank you. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay. I love you.”
I paused. “You too.”
The silence was too much when that phone call ended and Jamie seemed to pick up on it, because he hooked up his phone and started playing The Piano Guys without saying a single word. I was thankful as their version of “With or Without You” slowly faded in over the speakers, but didn’t say so. Instead, I racked my brain for ways to come up with the money I’d need to get my car fixed. I’d worked at a grocery store chain over the summer, but was hoping to take the school year off to focus on school work and maybe having a little fun.
So much for that.
I shot out a text to my old manager and she responded back almost immediately, telling me I could come back on Monday after school.
Jamie pulled into my driveway this time, turning his Jeep completely off and staring at me until I conceded and returned his gaze.
“Why do you hate your name, B?”
A heavy weight dropped in my throat and I shifted, debating on what to tell him. Did I tell him the truth? Did I tell him it was none of his business?