“I’ll take you,” Jamie offered quickly.
“No, no, it’s okay. You don’t have to—”
“I want to. Seriously. I’m going anyway, and it’d be nice to have someone to sit with.” He smiled, that lazy, crooked smile that made my legs tingle.
“Okay.”
He grinned wider. “Okay.”
Mom was already in her room by the time I’d hung my board in the garage, so I made myself a grilled cheese and ate alone in my bedroom. I didn’t turn on my TV or look through the notifications on my phone. I just ate it slowly, one bite at a time, staring at my closet door and replaying every moment of the evening. Then, after taking as much time as I reasonably could to eat, I called my dad. He must have known when he answered that I needed something — it was the only time I called anymore — and I cut straight to the chase. He told me he’d take care of it, because that’s the kind of guy he was.
But he was also the kind of guy who could rape my mother, and sometimes I had to force myself to remember that. Especially on nights when he called me “baby girl” and my heart surged with the love I’d always had for him.
My vision was blurry, likely from the salt water, so I ran myself a bath as soon as I ended our call. I’d always loved baths, only taking a shower when I was in a rush to be somewhere. It was nice to soak in the hot water, to take time to think. If I only had those thirty minutes to myself a day, it was enough.
But that night, as I wiggled my toes beneath the faucet, the water slowly filling in around me, I felt different. The heat was a little hotter, the lights a little brighter, and my vision still wouldn’t quite clear. I thought a little too hard about the one person I knew I shouldn’t, and a new buzz I’d yet to experience rushed over me as I let him sink into my system.
I should have cleared my mind. I should have called Jamie and told him not to pick me up for the game. I should have pulled up a picture of him and Jenna to remind myself where I sat on this tricycle.
But I didn’t do any of those things.
And I only wished I felt guilty about it.
As much as I detested school spirit, there was something to say for the energy of a home high school football game in South Florida. Students were painted brightly in our teal and white colors, cheering loudly and blaring fog horns. The band played upbeat music that was hard not to dance to and everyone high-fived each other when our team did something right, bringing a camaraderie to the stands that I wasn’t expecting.
South Springs High School hadn’t won a single game the season before, but we had a halfway decent team this year, which was great for me since I’d likely be at every game watching Jenna cheer.
Jenna Kamp was the kind of friend you latched onto and never let go of. She was fiercely loyal, hilarious, and driven — which was exactly the kind of person I wanted to surround myself with. She never slept on her dreams and never let me sleep on mine. All that aside, she was the only person in my life who took me for who I was — exactly who I was — and loved me completely. She knew about my parents, about my name, about my less-than-stellar car. She didn’t care that my mom smoked cigarettes in the house and so my clothes smelled like smoke or that I didn’t learn how to do anything with my hair until we were eighth graders. She loved me through the awkward stages and I knew she’d love me through much worse. She was my forever friend.
Which is why I felt supremely shitty that I was focusing on the place where my knee touched her boyfriend’s as we watched her cheer from the stands.
The bleachers were packed, so Jamie and I had wiggled our way into a small open space on the third row up. It was either touch the random freshman on the other side of me or touch Jamie, and I opted for Jamie.
Out of pure familiarity, of course.
“You surviving over there?” he asked, sipping on the red slushy he’d purchased at half-time. “I know all this organized fun can be torturous.”
“You’re totally judging me for my lack of school spirit, aren’t you?”
“Only a little bit.”
I sighed. “And all this after I promised not to judge you for your musical taste. You don’t play fair, Jamie Shaw.”
He moved his straw around, a smirk crawling up on his lips. “You have no idea.”
I narrowed my eyes, ready to ask what the hell that meant when the cheerleading squad started up a new cheer. Jamie’s eyes found Jenna’s and he zeroed in on her, sexy smile in place, their eyes staying connected the entire time as she moved. I watched her too, mesmerized by her flawlessness. Seriously, I’d yet to meet another person more beautiful than her — including Jamie. She just dazzled.
When the cheer ended, Jenna blew Jamie a kiss and he grinned as she turned back toward the field, her short skirt twirling with her.
And then, he turned back to me.
“So are you involved in any clubs or anything?”
My cheeks heated. “Okay, seriously, don’t laugh, because what I’m interested in and what Jenna is interested in are completely different.”
“I’m not comparing you.”
I chewed my cheek at that, noting the sincerity in his eyes. “I’m in Debate Club. And Interact.”
He barked out one, loud laugh. “Of course you’re in Debate Club.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
Jamie laughed harder, his hand coming down on my knee as he doubled over. I tried not to feel the burn through my jeans. “Nothing, it just makes sense. You and that mouth of yours.” He removed his hand, but now his eyes were on my mouth he’d just mentioned, and I could barely breathe.
He sniffed, looking back out at the field. “What is Interact?”
“Basically a community service club. I want to beef up the resume before senior year, you know?”
Our team scored and everyone jumped up, cheering loudly, Jamie and I a little delayed. We shared high-fives with a few people around us and watched Jenna perform a toe touch jump before settling back in on the bleachers.
“Yeah, you told me how you want to go to school in California, but what exactly do you want to go to school for?”
I stole his slushy then, pointing the straw at him before taking a sip. “You’ll have to get in line to get the answer to that question, right behind my mom.”
Jamie snatched the slushy back and immediately took a pull, which made me realize we’d shared a straw. I couldn’t figure out why that made my stomach flip. “Can you share a little insight with the back of the line, at least?”
“I just don’t know yet. I’ll probably go in undecided, take my general education requirements and figure it out from there. I love to write, but I also enjoy the objectivity of solving a math problem. I get amped up over public speaking but I also take solace in the quiet hours spent on a solo project.” I sighed. “I just think it’s stupid to narrow down my options. Is it so bad to be passionate about more than one thing?”
He tilted his head. “Not at all. I think that makes you rare.”
“Great. Rare. Like a steak. Sounds like when my mom used to tell me I was ‘special.’”
Jamie laughed. “You are. You’re unique, B. I like that about you.”
My breath got stuck somewhere beneath my chest bone and I inhaled deeply, tucking my hands under my thighs and pulling my knee from where it touched his. It was suddenly too much, and I focused instead on where the cool metal of the bleachers touched my skin.