‘You stay with her, OK Freddie?’ Stella instructed, getting up to mingle with her other guests, and then somehow, despite there being quite a few people already in the room, Freddie found himself alone, the only one on the floor with the baby.
‘So Lacey, how’s life?’ Freddie started, wondering what on earth he was meant to do with her. Lacey looked up at him with big, blank eyes. ‘Get any nice presents?’
It was then that Freddie remembered his own present, which he brought out of the Sainsbury’s bag, and pretended to help Lacey unwrap.
‘What have we got here then?’ Freddie said, feeling relaxed and like he might have this baby thing down after all. Not that he would be offering to babysit anytime soon. A few minutes was fine, but he had no idea what he was meant to do with such a tiny human beyond that.
‘Yeah! It’s a dinosaur!’ Freddie said, starting to take the cuddly toy out of its packaging.
‘Freddie? What are you doing?’ Stella’s voice was loud behind him.
‘Just giving Lacey her pres—’
‘We were going to wait until after for the presents.’
‘Oh, well, I didn’t know.’ But somehow Freddie felt like he was meant to.
Stella came right over, knelt down, and prised the dinosaur from Freddie’s hands.
‘What is this anyway?’ she asked, voice soft but firm, her smile too wide and a little scary.
‘Oh, well, I thought that—’
‘It doesn’t matter. But really, you shouldn’t have opened this in front of Lacey. Now she’s going to want it!’
‘Well, it is for her . . .’
Sure enough, the baby’s face scrunched itself up into a million little red folds, and out of her mouth came a wail.
‘Now see what you’ve done?’ Stella picked Lacey up and held her tight, rubbing circles on her back as she wailed. She must have caught Freddie’s bemused expression because she then added: ‘We don’t do cuddlies. We’re trying to restrict her exposure to cuddly, furry toys. To prevent allergies.’
‘Oh, I see. I’m sorry. Nobody told me.’
‘It’s OK. We can fix this. It doesn’t have to be a complete disaster. We’re going to put the dinosaur through the wash – aren’t we Lacey doll? And then we’re going to get a nice big Ziploc bag, and then there’s going to be no dust mites! No dusty dusties for little Lacey.’
Lacey was still heaving, her sobs painful and dramatic.
‘There, there,’ Stella cooed. ‘Silly Uncle Freddie’s very silly, isn’t he? There, there, darling, we’ll take you away from silly Uncle Freddie.’
Stella and David had a staggering number of attractive friends, and they were all looking at Freddie, who looked back at them while chewing his dry lips. He wondered if they talked about David’s strange brother, the one who was a bit odd, not quite like the rest of them. He wondered if David had told any of them about his past, about how crazy he really was. If they all knew. Freddie could feel their judgement like hot pokers. They were looking at him, talking about him, and feeling sorry for him.
Suddenly overcome with the need to wash his hands, to feel clean, Freddie headed for the kitchen.
‘Frederick!’ His mother was a loud woman, both in voice and choice of clothing. Today was no different, a bright red blazer over her tight skinny jeans.
‘Hi Mum,’ Freddie said, wringing his hands and trying not to look over at the sink.
‘So glad you could make it.’
‘Of course,’ he stuttered back.
‘How’s it going Fred?’ David asked, tall and perfect, his glossy hair swooshed back off his face.
‘I just need to . . .’ Freddie gestured to the kitchen sink, and his brother stepped away to let him pass.
He pumped some expensive-smelling soap from the dispenser into the palm of one hand and then vigorously scrubbed as if he was a surgeon prepping for theatre, the suds reaching over his watch and far up his arms. He wondered how many dust mites were crawling all over him, how many he’d unintentionally exposed Lacey to.
‘Freddie?’ his mother started. ‘Freddie, darling, I think your hands are clean now.’
Just one more round, he thought as he scrubbed into the gaps between his fingers, the spaces under his nails. He would feel so much better once his hands were clean, he just knew it. Lacey would be safe, and he couldn’t be blamed for any more mishaps. When he stepped back from the sink, using a couple of pieces of kitchen roll to dry his hands (towels were hotbeds for germs), he found his family staring at him.
‘No, it’s OK, really. This is normal hand washing. Not bad hand washing. I should have done it before I went over to see Lacey. I’m sorry.’
‘Why don’t you sit down, son, have a cup of tea?’ his father asked.
Freddie looked around, at his brother smirking for some reason, laughing at his own private joke, and his mother, orange shellac-tipped fingers clutching at a flute of Prosecco, wincing and worried.
‘Seriously, I’m fine. Really.’ Freddie hoped they believed him. Needed them to believe him.
‘Have you eaten? Do you want me to get you a plate?’ his mother asked.
‘No, it’s fine. I’m not hungry. What are you guys talking about?’
‘Nothing important,’ David replied. ‘Just boring grown-up things. Like mortgage rates, what the local schools are like around here.’
‘Ah, yes. Grown-up things.’ Things that Freddie could never understand because he was renting in a building that used to be council flats, didn’t have a good enough job to let him even dream of getting a mortgage one day, and was a million miles from ever needing to wonder about local schools.
‘But how are you, Freddie? How are things holding up?’ his father asked.
‘Yes, good. Everything’s fine.’
‘Still renting with that Damien fellow?’
‘Yup.’
‘How’s work? They must be close to promoting you by now, surely?’ David always asked him about his job at the fin-tech company before he asked about anything else.
‘No, no promotions on the horizon, but I like it. It’s fairly easy-going, but you know what IT support is like, there are some challenges every now and again, and the people are really friendly.’
‘Well that’s great, Fred. That’s just great.’ David’s voice was a touch too loud, which made Freddie wonder how much he’d had to drink.
‘And Lacey is amazing. Has it really been a year?’ he asked his brother.
‘I know, right? She’s going to be a stunner one day, let me tell you. And so bright, too! You wouldn’t believe it. She’s hit all her milestones early – it’s quite possible that she’s gifted.’
‘That’s amazing.’
‘You should see the other babies she’s friends with. She’s miles ahead of any of them. Seriously. Lacey is going to be the most beautiful genius in the world! Runs in the family, I guess?’ David looked at their parents, who smiled back at him adoringly. ‘By the way, Fred, did Stella catch you? I know she wanted to have a word.’
‘Yeah, the present thing. Cuddlies. I’m sorry about that.’
‘What present thing?’ his mother asked.